Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Assistant To the Assistant Quote of the Day

"Don’t piss off your mother-in-law is the moral of the story."

-- (Now former) WCBS anchor Rob Morrison, who was arrested over the weekend and charged with trying to strangle his wife, CBS Moneywatch anchor Ashley Morrison

Really? That's the moral of the story? Not, "don't try to choke out your wife?"

Morrison, who lives outside New York City, says he called his mother-in-law, who lives in Indiana, to ask for help in supposedly ending a fight between him and his wife. She thoughtlessly repaid his act of charity, I guess, by calling the cops, who quickly arrived to find Ashley Morrison with fresh red marks in the shape of hands around her neck and Rob Morrison looking like he'd just face-planted into the sidewalk. While in police custody, Rob reportedly said that he'd kill his wife as soon as he was free.

In case you haven't guessed, issues between the Morrisons go back years and feature plenty of drunken drama and accusations of infidelity on the part of Rob Morrison, who's kind of a legendary horn-dog.

Rob's now resigned from WCBS, although he probably would've been fired because -- conveniently for the HR department -- he lied about why he called in sick the day after his arrest. Ashley, meanwhile, is wisely being quiet.

So there you have it once again: either TV news is, as I've said many times, a business that attracts damaged, amoral shitheads like bugs to black-light or Mr. and Mrs. Morrison are actually assassins who use their roles as high-profile news anchors as cover and this was just a result of finding out they had been ordered to kill each other.

Update: You know how crazed Chris Brown fans always come out of the woodwork to defend him with 140-character nightmares of grammar on Twitter every time anyone says anything bad about him (like say, pointing out that he's an abusive, arrogant, comically self-pitying little cunt who deserves to have someone beat his ass into the ground)? Well, it looks like Team Moreezy is now in full effect. This is, I swear, one of the greatest internet comments I've ever read because it inadvertently says so much more about the personal history and state-of-mind of the commenter than it does about Rob Morrison or how the guy feels about him. From Mediabistro this morning comes someone who calls himself "Rob Morrisons Advocate." Gentlemen... behold:

A few areas of consideration and recommendatrions for Rob and Ashley Morrison:

1. Never, ever, ever, allow your in-law parents to live in or stay in the house. The facts are that parents of the female, inherently hate the male, because they know well that the male is having sex with thier daughter.

2. Never, ever, ever, move or reside in Darien, Connecticut. The Police Department is corrupt. They exagerate and sensationalizes the facts to the press/media. For example, (and admittedly, not the best comparison) if you were going 30 mph in a 20 mph, the Darien Police (specifically Captain Frederick Komm) will report to the media that you were doing 60 mph in that 20 mph. Darien Police love this stuff and will turn out in droves to a call like this.

3. How about the following defenses:
- Rough drunken sex? (Oh those big jugs swinging in my face, what I wouldn't do).
- She was depressed and wanted to commit suicide and Rob came to her rescue, only to be assaulted by her?
- They were both drunk, were dancing and fell and got scraped up? (Happens all the time).
- It was not her who assaulted him at all. It happened somehow else?

4. Rob, don't ever appologize to the Darien Police. We know that Journalists work hand in hand with the Police every day, because the media needs the Police to cooperate with them for content. While I applaud you for giving these cops a piece of your mind, when they were arresting you and literally and knowingly ruining your life, as the $h!T was about to hit the proverbial fan. I am disappointed that you appologized to them. Darien Police are liars, underhanded, break the laws themselves, deny residents of thier Constitutional Rights and participate in a "Good Ol' Boys mentality in this town. They dig people into a deeper hole than they may already be in. Retract your appology to the Darien Police, because they are nothing more than a bunch of immoral scum, who passed thier Police exam and commute in from thier home town of Bridgeport every day, to arrest people whom have worked hard to move to a prestigious community, by studying in school, getting good marks, and being a success for thier employers whom inturn reward the shareholders. And here we have a bunch of low life men and women, whom hide behind the guise of a badge and uniform aka the Darien Police, ruining successful peoples lives.

5. Now the person who you can genuinely thank for all of this is your dear Mother-In-Law, MARTHA RISK. She knew that by calling 911, that she would ruin, destroy and obliterate your fine reputation as a journalist. She knew or had to have known that her actions would have ended up splattering your face across the internet, newspapers, radio and TV, etc. forever engrained on the internet, and awarding you, your "MASTER STATUS" in life. MARTHA RISK branded Rob MORRISON a Drunk, Psycopath, wife beater, Felon, and Strangler.

6. Now I will tell you that most healthy relationships consist of some fighting. I am not condining what may have happened in your situation, however, the fact is that we are human and it happens from time to time. My father used to call me and my brothers and sisters down to the living room from time to time, for a slam, just to keep us in shape, as he put it. Around the time that the Women's Liberation Movement was born in the 1960's from second wave feminists, society began condeming domestic abuse in the household. Today, domestic abuse is regarded up there with petaphiles,

7. So the worst part of this is that Mama, Martha Risk, stuck her nose where it did not belong and got you busted, in retaliation for what she believes that you have done to her dare, precious, blond daughter in the past. Well you know what??? PEW and PEE on Martha Risk.
8. Incidentally, why does Mary Calvi, the former NEWS Who? Anchor have this giddy eat 5h!T grin on her face over the last couple of days. I can't stand that Mary Calvi. Way over rated.

9. Now lets talk about Ms. Ashley Morrison? Why wasn't she arrested and thrown into the POKEY of humiation at the Darien PD. With all of the blood and scratches that you had on your face, she certainly should have been arrested and tarred and feathered in the media too. WHY? Because the Darien Police (Chief Duane Lovello), have a highly unusual style of running a police department. It would not surprize me if your dear mother in-law MARTHA RISK was not calling from another state, when she called in her complaint. Because the Darien Police, do these things and give the weight and the benefit of the doubt to the skirt.

10. My suggestion to you is to get out of DARIEN! ! ! You will be watched and harassed by the Police there. They are not your equals or your friends, remember they are a bunch of Misfits from Bridgeport, who passed the police exam and now carry a badge and can't wait to bust guys our age, to earn thier stripes.

Incidentally, what normal guy does not like looking at PORN? What normal guy does not like getting drunk? You see this is the propoganda that the Darien Police Department and its Spokesperson, Captain Frederick Komm feed to the media. This is another reason why I don't like them, because they are so PERFECT.

Good Luck!

If this guy isn't Morrison's attorney by tomorrow morning, I have no faith left in the universe.

1 comment:

JohnF said...

I spent a fair amount of my youth being chased by the Darien police department, and I can say unequivocally that this guy is out of his tree. The cops in Darien are not corrupt. The worst thing you could say about them is they're bored because there's no real crime in that town. They're not even particularly mean to Jews anymore, like they used to be.
So if you happen to be riding your mountain bike to the Darien YMCA, and you happen to be in possession of a mohawk, and you happen to be riding with some people of color, they might follow you for a couple blocks. Once you cross over into Norwalk or Stamford, where the poor folk live, the cops lose interest.
They're not motivated enough to be corrupt. Plus everyone in Darien is already rich, so there's not much point in selling out any further.