Assistant Quote of the Day

"We went and bought the hedge clippers. You’re gonna give me 5 large for each one I get."

-- 23-year-old Tanner Ruane, who was allegedly contracted by a prison inmate in New Mexico last year to castrate Justin Bieber

A local station in Albuquerque just released audio tapes of the deal going down and, while a lot of outlets are calling the conversation "chilling" -- because news managers just love the crap out of that word -- it actually sounds like exactly what it is: a couple of white-trash idiots hatching a comically ambitious plan that never has a chance in hell of actually coming to fruition, because everyone involved has a lemon wedge for a brain.

But hey, wouldn't it have been fun to see the look on Tanner Ruane's face when he pulled down Bieber's pants to cut his balls off?