Wednesday, November 14, 2012

You Can Go Your Own Way



Today's column for the Daily Banter is an open letter to Texas.

Here's how it begins:

"Dear Texas,

So word has it you’re talking about seceding from the United States and, I guess, forming your own country. I wish I could react with shock, but the truth is we’ve heard this kind of thing before; we hear rumbles of it every time something happens politically on a national scale that rattles your ironically fragile sense of independence and sends you into a Texas-sized panic. It usually amounts to nothing more than petulant whining disguised as a lot of cock-grabbing bravado and bluster, but this time you’ve managed to quickly amass enough signatures calling for secession in the wake of last week’s Obama victory — more than 80,000 — that the White House has no choice but to respond to your 'request.' Let me save you the suspense and the delusion that this little tantrum is going to be the least bit effective: the answer’s gonna be 'no.'"


Read the Rest Here

6 comments:

L. said...

Here's my problem with the seccessionists: They're often the same people who claim to love freedom, democracy, and America.

Elections are designed to give the majority of a given group of people what they want. No one said you will always be in the majority. You don't get the right to vote without having to accept the fact that democracy means that no single individual is guaranteed to get what they want.

That said, if you're going to secede, can you do it after Austin Psych Fest in April? I want to see BRMC and the Black Angels without having to go through customs.

namron said...

Oh, Jesus, buddy, you're gonna' save the ex too? Sounds like a plot outline for the next version of "Taken." I see Bradley Cooper as you, Megan Fox as the ex, and, maybe, a newcomer like Taylor Swift as the current squeeze. Patton Oswalt is the nerdy BFF who travels with you and unexpectedly kills the Texas villian with his dying breath and saves the hero, the kid, and the ex. The hero reunites with the current squeeze and the kid at the New Mexico border refugee center as the ex looks on. The fade out is a close- up of the ex showing great regret and sadness. If you sell this plot, then cut me in for a taste.

Chez said...

"Let the past be the past, my friend."

-- Randal Graves, "Clerks"

Mike Hunt said...

Mexico can have Texas back, as far as I'm concerned.

Anonymous said...

Wow...

Jealous, much? I wonder why your family left you to come to DALLAS? You're a whining b*tch, who believes everything he sees on CNN or reads in ... the daily banter. You appear to be full of knowledge and support... because you surround yourself with like minded individuals, and you are in useless California! CA would LOVE to be like Texas, however... your state leadership and economy couldn't support your national independence.

With all your quoted figures and numbers, why did you leave your sources out? ... evidently you do not know how to write... and 'TEXAS' has low education scores? Also, another observation of information you conveniently ommitted? Perhaps you should mention that; Texas would be the 15th largest economy in the world?, or that Texas has operated within a balanced physical budget while the majority of the other states have failed to accomplish this? By the way, how's the CA bankruptcy talks going? You guys still need some money, huh? ...

Since you brought up the United States Armed Forces, the state of Texas supplies the MOST recruits to the armed forces, AND has accrued the most casualties as a result ...

STFU

~ Texas

www.texas.gov

Chez said...

The inclusion of the website at the end took this from just mildly funny to flat-out transcendent. Thanks.

Curious, though: Who turned the computer on for you this morning, Governor Perry?