Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Quote of the Day, Jr.


"Does Paul Ryan even know what a mountain looks like? Is Paul Ryan even a congressman? Paul Ryan is now the guy from your high school who said he ran a 4.5 40 but didn't want to go out for the team because he pulled his hammy. Paul Ryan is the guy from your work who told you he played D1 ball but seems suspiciously short and out of shape. Paul Ryan is the guy at the bar who keeps telling you he could "probably" beat Usain Bolt in a race, "if I was in better shape." Paul Ryan's ex-girlfriend looked like a cross between Lindsay Lohan and Katherine Heigel. Paul Ryan was at the very first Train show. Paul Ryan once took on three guys in a fight and won. Paul Ryan's dad has a go-kart track in his attic but he locks it when other kids come over because he doesn't want to get sued."

-- Gawker's Max Read on Paul Ryan's claim that he's made "close to 40 climbs" of Colorado's 14,000-foot peaks

Here's a fun little game: Take that now officially done-to-death "Chuck Norris Facts" meme and swap out Norris's name for Paul Ryan's.

For example:

"If you can see Paul Ryan, he can see you. If you can't see Paul Ryan you may be only seconds away from death."

"Once a cobra bit Paul Ryan's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died."

"Paul Ryan can slam revolving doors."

"Superman owns a pair of Paul Ryan pajamas."

"Paul Ryan has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants."

"Paul Ryan once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands."

"Death once had a near-Paul Ryan experience."

"Paul Ryan sleeps with a night light. Not because Paul Ryan is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Paul Ryan."

2 comments:

Matt said...

Paul Ryan once struck lightning.

Jester said...

Still want to argue this guy ain't GenX, Chez? ;-) Hate to say it, but exaggerating our accomplishments is also one of our generational traits.

Not to this extent or as publicly and as silly as this guy, I'll grant you...