Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Quote of the Day


"I hated Tim Tebow before I knew anything about his religion. Specifically, I hated him from 2006 through 2009 when he was the quarterback for the Florida Gators. I hated him far less when Alabama finally stuffed Florida in the SEC championship game at the end of the 2009 season and he sat on the sidelines bawling like a baby. At first I laughed – 'Ha, ha — how do you like it now, Timmy? Why don’t you go up in the stands and hold Mommy and Daddy’s hands?' I even clipped a newspaper photo of him, tears streaming down his cheeks, and hung it on my office wall."

-- Allen Barra in an article in Salon called "Don't Fall for Tebow"

The piece itself is kind of a mess, not unlike Tebow's record on the field. But for the most part it mercilessly ridicules Jesus's favorite quarterback (and just about everyone else's least favorite) and that's always fine with me. I can't think of anybody I'd more like to see turn up on either end of a boy-rape scandal.

48 comments:

Jen said...

Wow. I don't like Tim Tebow either - probably for the same reasons you don't - but, that's a terrible thing to write. To wish that someone had been raped as a child or that he would get caught raping a child is over the top.A for goodness sake, you're a father! I'm hoping that the rhetoric got away from you on this one and that when you're not so busy that you can really think about it and decide writing this was a bad move.

Steven D Skelton said...

So whether Tebow fucks a boy in the ass or was fucked in the ass as a boy...you're good?

Odd thing to get joy from.

Chez said...

Jen, you really don't come here very often, do you? And Steven, you should know better.

mary b said...

Chez~

I get the drift. Too many people are so hung up on words lately. I blame the Focus Groups.

Liz said...

I cannot stand overly holy assholes. His "teebowing" reminds me of the self-concious posturing of the kids from "Jesus Camp." They pose with their hands raised and fake tears running down their faces to show the adults that they are good little Christian soldiers. I guess people like that aren't self aware enough to realize that they look just like propaganda posters for North Korea and China's indoctrinated populations.

For the other two posters, "Lighten up, Francis."

Jen said...

Chez, I've read you every day since at least 2008. I still think a lot of you, I'll still read you and the offer stands. However, I still think think the closing line of this post showed extremely poor judgement. If I didn't enjoy your writing so much, I would just quit reading and go on with my life. As it is, I want to enjoy your writing and I care. I care about being able to form a sense of who you are and how you think and feel through the things you write. Isn't that why most people blog? To have a more personal personal voice than in their more "professional" gigs? I just have never gotten the sense that you have a personality that jibes with an endorsement of child rape. I'm sincerely hoping that you didn't mean to come across like this, but even two comments in, I see that I'm not the only one who made that interpretation. Learn from this, don't learn...it's in your hands now. I only wanted you to know how at least a portion of your audience received your remarks. Merry Christmas, Jen

Anonymous said...

Yeah, there was a line about a mile back there… I’m sure you didn’t even see it as you flew by. Oh well. Time for another podcast in which you at Bob complain about people being hyperbolic asses.

Chez said...

Apparently a lot of sexually assaulted young boys on this thread tonight.

Chez said...

The amusing thing is that this was my headline for the link to this on Facebook: "Can't wait for the moment when somebody sends him out like Thiesmann and the picture of it along with the words 'WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?' becomes an instant internet meme."

I actually thought that was infinitely more offensive.

VOTAR said...

That would be pretty hilarious...




...and the Theismann thing too.

Steven D Skelton said...

The second one would have been much funnier. I wish I'd of thought of that.

kanye said...

My highly refined and ever-so-delicate sensibilities are offended as well. I declare, I may even come down with a case of the vapors.

When I hear the name "Tim Tebow", I always think to the epilogue from "Animal House": Senator and Mrs. John Blutarsky; Washington, D.C.

Anonymous said...

So, what is it about Timmy that you hate so much? That he stands for what he believes in? That he’s comfortable enough to show the world what he believes through his actions and words? Are you jealous of the crowds that follow him? Does it frustrate you that he’s such a winner? even when so many said he would fail.

I first met you more than 25 years ago … For the past 4 or 5 years, I’ve continued to read your words even when you ranted and vented against God or anything having to do with religion, and I myself am a strong follower and believer too. I kept reading because I was trying to understand you … I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt or try to see where you were coming from, and sometimes I didn’t agree, and you told me so. But, this crossed the line.

I too see the hate that some faiths spread, and I don’t hate ALL people from those faiths. I see what some men do as they lie and have affairs, and I don’t hate ALL men that cheat and lie. I might rant and vent at them =), but I still try to read what they have to say … I’ve even had gay women sit me down to watch porno movies as an innocent-na├»ve-still-virgin 18 year old, and I don’t spew my hate on ALL gay women.

Maybe it’s because I personally know Timmy that I feel like you have crossed the line, and maybe I feel like I should also take a stand for my faith and belief in God … So, I won’t read your stuff anymore – I doubt you’ll miss me. It only makes me wonder how you know – and have always known because I’ve told you - how I feel about God, my faith and how I wouldn’t be here had it not been for that faith in God, so you must hate me too.

Well, I had always hoped that you would slowly get tired of all your anger and narcissistic rants, but you actually sound as though you are getting worse through all these years - your words that destroy and spew such negativity – what a waste of such talent.

Maybe one day, you’ll realize that the reason you might hate Timmy so much is because he reminds you of what you want to be like.

Your old friend - Martica

And Happy Birthday - I think?

FabMax said...

Wait a moment. You lambast me for venting about Steve Job's cult after his death, and then go ahead wishing for someone to be a rape victim? And if people try to reason with you about it, you ridicule them?

Hypocrisy much?

Chez said...

It's just astonishing that I have to say this, FabMax -- really, astonishing. And yet I'll violate personal policy and say it anyway. That crack was exactly that: a crack, a joke. When it comes to making comments that of course are not meant to be taken seriously, nothing is off limits and nothing is "beneath me." Don't like it or feel like misinterpreting it? Tough.

Martica, you are my friend and someone I care for deeply. But you've always been misguided when it comes to your view of my view of God and religion. You continue to operate under the faulty assumption -- and it's one that many devoted Christians and such seem to espouse -- that secretly I truly love God and want to find the "peace" that a belief in him, one that requires that I completely shut off all logic and reason in my brain, brings to those who've found him. If you take offense at what I've said about Tebow, well there's nothing I can do about that. And I asked you years ago to please stop reading because I knew how you felt and that you would be completely put off by the things I say about religion and will continue to. The times I've spoken to you I've tried to avoid the subject, but you proselytize to me in the most pronounced way possible instead of simply accepting that I believe differently than you and neither of us will ever convince the other to see differently and neither should we.

I look at faith-based religion the same way I look at any other superstition -- which is to say that I can accept and appreciate as individuals those who embrace it on grounds other than that specific belief -- but I refuse to give the belief itself any credence or respect whatsoever. In other words, I can hate the sin and still love the sinner. You know?

And Tebow's still a crappy QB.

Kyle said...

Not that you need the approval or validation, Chez, but right on. Like they say, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."

And fuck Tebow, too.

Also, the captcha at the bottom of this comment, fittingly, is "sue me."

Sommer said...

After the last game, my husband turned to me and said, "You're gonna hate me for this, but I think I'm officially on board with Tim Tebow."

I took my wedding ring off and put it on the coffee table, and it's been sitting there ever since.

It's like I'm married to a stranger.



(and please keep it up with the semi-offensive rants. It's a huge part of why I continue to read.)

Anonymous said...

There is a reason everyone responsible for drafting Tebow lost their job last year. There is a reason when John Elway first took the office job with the Broncos his order to John Fox was “Start Kyle!” Tebow’s game stats would get most second string QB’s put on the waiver wire. He is winning only because the defense has allowed the game to come down to the 4th quarter.
A true fan of NFL football would know the story unfolding is all too common. The Broncos are benefiting from a revitalized defense and a soft schedule. Not good QB play. The Bengals, Chiefs, Chargers, and Lions all did the same thing in the first half of the season and I didn’t see anyone talking about what Jesus or clean Christian living had to do with it; or that people who still hated those teams where anti-Christian bigots.
Arguments over Tebow, as the Christian Sports Hero, are just another example how juvenile the American discussion of faith remains.

IrishGirl said...

My first reaction to the "rape scandal" statement was "whoa" but then I took a step back and thought, it's a joke. And then I chilled. Was it a dark, dark joke? Yes. Does Chez do that all the time? Yes. Nuff said.

Michael said...

I may not have been reading since 2008, close probably... but its a pretty freakin' obvious joke even if you've read far less here.

trish said...

Wait, I'm confused. Insulting a sanctimonious football player as a joke is more narcissistic than believing you're special among all others in the eyes of the creator of the universe?

Chez said...

Brent Hooper posted this comment over on Facebook, and I think it kind of says it all: "My question is this...If Tebow were an unabashed Atheist and every time he scored a touchdown he looked into the camera and proclaimed, 'There is no God,' how would all the Christians feel about that? And religious beliefs aside, he's still a ridiculously shitty quarterback."

kanye said...

"And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to enter the kingdom of God, than for Tim Tebow to thread a pass through the eye of a needle."

Madden 20:12

Chez said...

And Kanye gets Comment of the Week.

Janean said...

When someone comments that one of your jokes has "gone too far" or whatever I can't help but wonder if that means they've taken all the other stuff you've said 100% seriously....and not found anything to complain about before now. That's actually kind of scary.

TIMMY said...

TIMMY!


Timmy Timmy, Timmy Timmy Timmy.

abugulaghulaboolah!

Timmy...Timmy-timmy Timmy.

Timmy?

Timmmmmmmmmmyyyyy...




Timmy.

Chez said...

Finally, someone who can speak intelligently about anything related to Tim Tebow.

Anonymouse said...

Here is what is so damn annoying about Tebow, the coverage. It is just like the hate the Lebron James got for signing with Miami where in reality no one other than idiots in Cleveland disagreed with his decision, it was just the circus created by ESPN that pissed people off. Tebow hate is the same.

There are some great things being done in Denver. John Fox has taken a team which was a mess, and gotten the more out of them than anyone ever thought possible. Willis McGahee is playing out of his freaking mind and looks 10 years younger. That defense is putting up fantastic performance after performance.

This same exact situation is happening in San Fransisco, where once again, a coach is getting a defense and running game to completely offset a terrible quarterback. But no one claims that if you think Alex Smith is a terrible QB, you must hate Christians.

Tebow is a phenomenal athlete. If this was the 60's, he would have changed the game. But today, his mechanics are too messed up for him to have continued success. His body is going to breakdown if he keeps running as much as he does. I even think the Broncos line up extremely well against the Patriots and should win. But they are going to get destroyed in the playoffs and as teams make better adjustments for Tebow, he is going to never reach the next level.

None of this has a damn thing to do with what he worships or believes in and to claim otherwise is retarded.

Izar Talon said...

I hate Tim Tebow. And there ia a very, very good reason for it: I hate professional sports, and I especially hate the ridiculously, sickeningly overpaid athletes who play them.

I want to have MY fucking games of preference of Dungeons & Dragons and Call of Cthulhu broadcast on television, and see people (preferably ME) get paid millions of fucking dollars to gamemaster and play games I like, games that require some goddamn creativity and intelligence. It's absolutely fucking DISGUSTING that we live in a country where teachers get paid absolute shit while half-literate evolutionary throwbacks and thugs are paid millions of fucking dollars to play a motherfucking GAME for fat morons to watch on TV as they guzzle beer and yell at the screen.

I also hate self-righteous religions idiots who wear their religions like badges because I know what those people are like, they like to put on a big show of how "devout" they are because it gives them a feeling of superiority, as if their willing suspension of logic and embrace of a magical view of the world somehow makes them morally superior to those of us who try to do good with their lives and help others simply because it's the RIGHT THING TO DO rather than because they believe they'll be magically rewarded after they die if they do good, or more usually because they're afraid that they'll be magically punished after they die if they do wrong.

Some of us don't need the threats of magical punishment and promises or magical rewards after we die to make us do the right thing; we just try to do the right thing BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT THING. Who is more deserving of admiration, the person who tries to do good and helps others in the hope of a supernatural reward, or the person who tries to do good and helps others simply because they believe it's the morally correct thing to do so?

Now, people of faith don't automatically piss me off. People who quietly believe and who aren't always making a show of it are fine, and can even be admirable, but those who can't go 10 minutes without loudly proclaiming they're beliefs annoy the FUCK out of me, because I've lived around those kind of people my whole life (and suffered discrimination, exclusion, and hostility at their hands) and I know what they are like; all they're doing is drawing attention to themselves because they think their faith makes them superior to those who don't share their beliefs.

And it fucking DISGUSTS me.

So, the combination of my hatred of professional sports and athletes with my hatred of "show" religious devotees who like to make a presentation of their faith to feel superior to the "heathens" makes Tim Tebow and everything he stands for a fucking BLIGHT on my world and a bane of my existence!

Matt Osborne said...

Hashtag #Tebowtearsaresweet - as an unrepentant Bama fan, I heartily endorse any and all cracks on Tim Tebow until the end of time.

FabMax said...

Chez, you may not have any limits. Other people do. And like you told me I'd have to respect other people's grief over Job's death, I tell you that it is not okay if you joke about rape. There are actual rape victims out there and some might actually read this blog. Don't you think that you cause them pain by joking about this stuff?

Chez said...

While I appreciate the sentiment, Fab, you do realize how futile it is to tell me that something cannot under any circumstances be joked about and should be off-limits, right?. Or, to put it more simply, what will happen when you tell me that I can't say something. As always, if you don't like it, you're under no obligation to read. No one's keeping you here against your will.

T. said...

What I really enjoy about comments like FabMax's is that you just know this is someone who laughs or at least chuckles along with all the offensive things you say until it actually offends HIM... then suddenly you're out-of-bounds and need to watch what you say.

Chez said...

Yeah, my main issue with FabMax's argument is that it asserts that I should tailor what I say to suit the various whims and offenses of others. You're right, Fab -- some people may be offended, but this isn't their site, it's mine.

And I meant to say a while ago, there's a difference between claiming that Steve Jobs didn't really contributed all that much that was worthwhile to society immediately following his death and making a crack about a football player who's still very much alive. There's no hypocrisy there at all.

Claude Weaver said...

While I would never dream of telling you to censor yourself Chez ( talk about a logical impossibility), I can kinda see where some of the complaints are coming from.

Look, we all know you are no fan of God and especially not of those who blatantly profess that their actions, whether magnanimous or minuscule, are mandated by Him. So when you make jokes like the Facebook line, most of us are like "haha, that Chez is at it again!" I enjoy a good insult comic as much as anybody and God, if he exists, can take care of Himself.

But the boy rape thing...personally, I never really like that kind of joke because It seemed like including a target that can't fight back, you know? To be honest, if it was a joke about being caught with a tranny hooker or being an al-Quaida sleeper agent, I wouldn't have batted an eye. At least then it would involve consenting adults. I know the point was Tebow, but that kind of periphery is hard to ignore.

I don't know. The line was funny, but I get the discomfort with it as well. I know one thing: I'm not going to quit reading because of it. It is far from the most offensive thing you've done, and I doubt we've seen the apex of your depravity. So march on, You soldier of shamelessness, because I'm not going anywhere.

Anonymouse said...

Izar just for shits and giggles, I want to talk about your perceptions about football players. I'm a football fanatic and a lover of D&D as well. As much as I am sure you have put up with people's stereotypes about your love of gaming, so too are you spreading some really inaccurate concepts about football players.

Football players are the only sport where draftees are given an intelligence exam. Granted, I think its somewhat of questionable value but its pretty fascinating that offensive linemen are expected to score above what the average journalist scores.

I get that if your not into football, its hard to really understand the draw of it. But its a lot more complex than just one guy running into a bunch of other guys. The average offensive playbook would make people's head explode.

As for NFL players getting overpaid...well that is just straight up wrong. There is no other sport or even job in America where if you get hurt through the course of your sport/work, your boss can and will fire you. Also, the long term health affects are frightening. NFL players face a much lower life expectancy. Granted its their choice, but to make them sound like spoiled children is flat out wrong. It takes insane dedication and most Americans could not survive a single preseason practice.

It comes down to the fact that these millionaires (which isn't accurate at all because the average NFL player doesn't make millions) generate billions of dollars playing this sport.

Chez said...

You're an enabler, Claude. : )

Steven D Skelton said...

I've tried for a couple of days to figure out how to say what Claude said.

Well put.

Chez said...

It's all downhill from here, folks.

Claude Weaver said...

Of course I am, Chez. And I am disappointed you didn't offer to drink Julianne Moore's narcotic-infused urine as well. You are slipping.

@Anonymouse: thank you. While not a sports fan, I can understand the draw, and acknowledge the vast discrepancy between the average player and the latest media darling. It is like any entertainment -based industry. These guys are getting paid for bringing money in. Just like guys like Lloyd Kauffman or even David Fincher won't pull paychecks that Michael Bay or George Lucas would wpe their asses with. It has nothing to do with quality, but sheer numbers. Dismissing the entire endeavor because of a few overhyped members is quite insulting to those players who sacrifice minds and bodies to make those in the spotlight look better than they really are.

kanye said...

It's my understanding that a large part of the problem is the conditions that Tebow sets at the line; specifically, his snap-count. It's odd and erratic and unpredictable; his own guys can't seem to get his timing down, and consequently, they end up jumping.

Apparently, the Broncos' coaching staff think that they've finally got a handle on the problem...that they've come up with a new strategy to keep this from happening.

They're calling it, "The Foxconn Formation."

em said...

Haven't read for 2 days - didn't even read the post but when I scrolled down and saw "39 comments" I thought to myself, "Whoops, someone didn't realize whatever Chez wrote in this post was a joke"...

namron said...

The boy rape joke is nothing, I tell ya'! Here is the single most offensive joke ever told. If you laugh, or even giggle a little, you are completely devoid of any human consciousness:

Q. What is the difference between . . . . .

FabMax said...

Yes, it's your blog, Chez. I get it. Make rape jokes all you want. I don't really care.

What I want to say is: Stop being a hypocrite. You don't want that people tell what not to do. Fair enough. But stop doing the same to other people.

Chez said...

Your complete missing of the point is just about equal to how convinced you are that you, in fact, hit it.

Trixi said...

Should you fuck Tim Tebow?

http://jezebel.com/5868205/should-you-fuck-tim-tebow

Chez said...

Irrelevant. Tebow wouldn't let you fuck him unless the two of you were married. Or you were Jesus.

bafreeman said...

Tebow's a dick. And if he's not giving blowies to all of the defensive players who are actually responsible for the Broncos' wins after each game, he's a selfish dick.