Friday, November 25, 2011

Turd Luckin'

I unofficially suspended the out-and-out mockery yesterday in honor of Thanksgiving, but when this little item showed up in my e-mail it left me feeling like Chandler in the episode of Friends where they bet him he couldn't go a week without making fun of anyone. (For those who don't remember, it's the same episode where Ross decides to try wearing leather pants and Chandler, disarmed, is left to point and shout to everyone, "Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants?! Someone comment on the pants!")

Basically HuffPo asked a bunch of TV news "personalities" what they're thankful for this holiday season and while the responses weren't anything all that interesting -- they ran from the predictably self-congratulatory to the most likely to make the person answering appear capable of at least some human emotion -- the potential for entertainment was undeniable. You knew that, had they answered honestly, half these people would've produced comedy gold.

From those I happen to really like, including my friend Ali Velshi and recently minted mom Kyra Phillips (who seems to have chosen the names for her and John Roberts's new twins from among the colors available for the 2012 Range Rover), to Al Sharpton and Erin Burnett (both of whom could've been sodium pentothaled into some of the best honest answers ever), it's a who's-who of your favorite and least favorite talking heads. I mean, let's face it -- Sharpton has to be the most thankful person currently sucking down oxygen, since he owes his entire television hosting career to Phil Griffin's apparent stroke or at the very least a little-known caveat in the MSNBC handbook allowing even those who can't read or speak English to be given shows on the network; Burnett is, well, she isn't thankful for shit because she earned those diamonds, dammit. Then there's Chuck Todd, who's thankful Buffalo Bob Smith finally took his hand out of his ass and let him talk on his own; Ed Schultz, who's thankful that there's no rule at NBC that Gene Shalit has to be the most annoying person on-air during any one period of time; and CNN's Rob Marciano, who's thankful that he's great-looking, which tends to distract from the fact that the puppy he's holding in his picture is probably smarter than he is.

I, meanwhile, am just thankful that they posted a picture of Brooke Baldwin from the waist up.

The Huffington Post: What Media Personalities are Thankful For/1.24.11


CNNfan said...

Checklist: Things in common they all have to be thankful for:

✓ Me,
✓ me...
✓ Me!

That checklist in reverse, is all so true also!

'Sep said...

True story...

Rob Marciano was the local weather guy when I was in high school. A girl I went to school with, who was a student reporter at the local TV station, gave Rob a handjob in the back of a limo at a Christmas party.

I'm sure he's thankful for that.

Chez said...

Marciano's not a bad guy at all. He's just easy to poke fun at.