"You see, Oprah, there is still so much more that God needs for me to express to the world. It’s not just a coincidence that I look like Jesus. I am the modern day Jesus Christ that you all have been waiting for... So I ask you, Oprah, better yet, I’m begging you, Oprah, please cast me onto your show, Oprah. It is so crucial that the world hears God’s word for the fate of humanity, for the fate of mankind, for the fate of me seeing my son grow older, please, Oprah, I’m begging you."
-- Alleged White House shooter Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez, who's now charged with trying to assassinate President Obama, in a rambling and thoroughly hilarious 20-minute video aimed at getting him a guest spot on Oprah
Boy, is Oprah gonna be pissed that Jesus here didn't call her "dad."