"Non-Muslims in America and Europe don’t deserve to have halal turkey forced upon them in this way, without their knowledge or consent. So this Thanksgiving, fight for your freedom. Find a non-halal, non-Butterball turkey to celebrate Thanksgiving this Thursday. And write to Butterball and request, politely but firmly, that they stop selling only halal turkeys, and make non-halal turkeys available to Americans who still value our freedoms."
-- Conservative, and quite likely insane, blogger Pamela Gellar on the encroaching Muslim threat to our traditional American holiday dinners
I can't even imagine how difficult it is to be someone like Gellar. The constant paranoia, the incapacitating fear that you can never let your guard down, lest the America you love be overrun by godless "others," the humorless vigilance that allows you to keep chasing shadows even when every not-crazy person on the planet is laughing at you to your face. This Thanksgiving, I ask you to remember Pamela Gellar. In fact, I call upon you to fight for your country's overall mental health and write to Gellar requesting, politely but firmly and through the use of subtle mockery, that she take her own life by inserting a non-halal turkey into her ass. Sideways.