Friday, November 25, 2011

Quote of the Day, Jr.


"There is a point in our culture beyond which camp and kitsch no longer make the least ironic sense, where consumerism loses its last mooring to civilization, where even seemingly legitimate protest devolves into farce. That point is Black Friday... There’s a point where healthy consumerism becomes out-of-control marketing-driven commodity fetishism, and when we find ourselves checking our smartphones for last minute online deals while standing in line for a chain store opening at midnight on Thanksgiving, we are clearly too far gone. That’s insanity."

-- Andrew Leonard in Salon

The only thing more indicative of the end of the American empire than, say, the 2012 roster of GOP presidential nominees -- and maybe the success of the Kardashians -- is the fact that millions of people are fucking stupid enough to not only stand in line but attempt to beat each other nearly to death for bargains on "Black Friday." Not that anybody who participates in the Black Friday madness would give a crap, but the entire phenomenon is like a litmus test for me -- the perfect litmus test, actually. It works like this: If you get anywhere near a store or shopping mall today -- if saving a little money is worth willingly trudging through the traditional Boschian hellscape of those kinds of crowds to you -- then I don't want to know you and you deserve to be ridiculed endlessly by the rest of us who are sitting comfortably at home all day.

If you went shopping today, if you're proud of the deep discounts you got waiting in line at midnight, you need to be sterilized for the good of mankind.

24 comments:

sommer said...

I'm not a Christian gal, but a-fucking-men.

pea said...

You're my kind of fascist.

QuadCityPat said...

The only purchases I made today were beer and cheetos. I did call and get an X-box 360 held at a locally owned used game store which I will purchase tomorrow in honor of local small store shopping.

Claude Weaver said...

I am proud to say that, after my niece suggested my mother go with her to some of the early BF sales last night, my mom (who just got done putting up the mass leftovers from Turkey Day) told her to shove it. Much nicer than that, but the sentiment was there.

Of course, someone at Cracked has helpfully described how full of bullshit the concept of "Black Friday" really is.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19572_5-black-friday-myths-media-wants-you-to-believe.html

One good thing about it though: I can simply wait until folks start selling their still-good crap on Craigslist (it's more than sick, twisted sex with strangers and appliances. I know, I'm shocked too) or pawn shops to get deals just as good, if not better.

I know one thing though. I don't want to hear a single Black Friday camper say one fucking word about OWS being lazy hippies. At least they did it for weeks and want to help other people.

LK3 said...

Amen Chez.
It makes me sick to my stomach... The cattle line of overstuffed people so crazed for a sale with no regard for one another or the people that must schlep to work at midnight on a holiday to cater to the masses
Granted, I hate shopping on a good day. (my identification word - tchotchke - ironic)

Brian said...

I agree. How is the prospect of saving a little money on Christmas presents worth all of that stupidity? I worked in retail for 10 years; just thinking about the type of assholes that stand out there waiting to trample one another the second the door opens makes me want to punch someone in the face.

J. Walker said...

Unfortunately, I work for one these big box retailers, and I've been spending all day with these people. I think I might fashion a crude flamethrower in order to clear some of these crowded checklanes.

Anonymouse said...

What I love even more is how Americans piss and moan how there are no manufacturing jobs or that wages are utterly stagnant, yet we continue to worship at the alter of consumerism that refuses to pay for decent benefits or wages.

Its amazing to me, whether its toys covered in lead paint or toxic drywall, we import wholesale because we are too damn cheap to make a damn thing anymore.

MJG said...

How long do you think it will take some enterprising designer to create a combination Credit card wallet/pepper spray can holder.
For your shopping convenience, of course.

Harvey Jerkwater said...

Weird but true: Black Friday is, at least for us, the perfect day to take the kids to see the Mall Santa. Everybody's running around from sale to sale, and nobody brings their kids, since the little buggers would slow down the Cavalcade of Consumerism and reduce shopping time. Lines were deep at all the registers, but not for ol' Santy.

Because of Black Friday's orgy of acquisitions, we can let our older kid chat at leisure with the Jolly Old Elf and our younger scream her fucking head off in terror at the sight of the same Elf, get a few cute pictures, and go home quickly. No waiting, no fuss, except for the little one screaming in abject fucking terror at the monstrous hairy red beast-man who she's sure is going to fucking eat her any second and pick his teeth with her tiny bones.

I'm not sure if "Black Friday Santa Access" is a local quirk, but any other parents out there who dread the Santy Claus line should consider trying it.

Janean said...

Ummm that comment attributed to Brian should be Janean..The computer mustve still been signed in on my husbands google.

Although I'm sure he'd agree with me 100%.

hilz said...

I'm just amazed anyone can get off their couch during that coveted Post-Thanksgiving hangover.

em said...

My black Friday was spent in a drunken stupor, thanks to the fact that my family said "fuck it" this year to us cooking and "fuck yes" to going to a casino and hitting up the buffet and bar until about 2. Seriously - tryptophan, prime rib, and vodka-induced hangovers are THE BEST.

kanye said...

Black Friday is pretty much "everyday" on the trading floor...only without all the hookers and the blow.

I say let the people have their day.

Capt Clown said...

Wait, kanye doesn't think there's blow on the trading floor?

/Nerd trader

Anonymous said...

I stayed home, but a lot of people I know didn't. They went out and shopped Black Friday, they pursued the sales and went after every bargain that they could.
Not because they are proud consumerists, not because they just gotta have the new trinket, but by and large because they are poor.
Some people put up with the aggravation and the bullshit not because they love shopping, but because every single nickel is precious to them.
Before you issue sweeping generalizations, Chez, consider things like that. You have just wished that the destitute be sterilized. Think about what that means, and then apologize.

Chez said...

I was waiting for some humorless, sanctimonious asshole to make that kind of claim, but, man, you really exceeded my expectations. First of all, I always enjoy it when someone comes to this site, misses the giant "Making a Mockery of Mockery" line in the masthead and takes offense at something I say, even going so far as to get righteously indignant about it. Then on top of that to actually demand an apology -- that's a hoot.

The people in the video I put up not far above this particular post -- who I think are pretty representative of the overall mentality that Black Friday lives and dies by these days -- weren't ripping the doors off the hinges at Wal-Mart, beating each other nearly to death and sacrificing every last shred of human dignity they had to get at food for their families or necessities that they couldn't otherwise afford. They were stomping people into the ground to get a $2 waffle iron. A fucking waffle iron. Bottom line, oh pious anonymous one: nope, no apology for you.

Anonymous said...

"If you went shopping today ... you need to be sterilized for the good of mankind."

Some guys about 70 years ago gave that sort of talk a bad name.

Chez said...

Didn't even make it to 20 before some bitter school marm proved Godwin's Law. Thanks for playing.

Anonymous said...

Making a mockery of mockery?

Giving satire a bad name? Sounds legit.

Anonymous said...

Also, I'm pretty sure that Godwin's Law is acceptable if someone is calling for mass sterilizations of their own countrymen.

Denying the reproductive rights of others is wrong. It is never right. Apologize, Chez.

Chez said...

I am definitely sorry you're an idiot. Run along now.

Chez said...

Oh, and I'm also sorry because I was in fact wrong. You should be sterilized. Everyone else can wait.

Anonymous said...

humorless, sanctimonious asshole
bitter school marm
idiot
You should be sterilized

Chez, do you think that maybe some of that was uncalled for?
Decent, civilized people don't act like this.