Sunday, September 18, 2011

Life Is Beautiful


Jayne's engaged.

She and my daughter will be moving to Dallas.

My mom has cancer.

How's everyone else's weekend going?

58 comments:

Anonymous said...

First time commenter.

Hang in there. It is what it is, friend.

Shandra said...

Rare commenter but Chez, hang in there.

LK3 said...

:(

Sad to know
Sending healing thoughts to your mom
Hoping the move will work out as well as it can for you and your daughter.
Sorry you are having such a crappy weekend

Jadine said...

Oh Chez, I'm so sorry to hear this. Fuck everything about Cancer. Dallas, really? It almost sounds like this is about one person and one person only. When I was young my mother moved us a couple thousand miles away from our dad. It deeply affected (negatively) the relationship I have with them both today. Everyone that reads your site knows how much you love Inara.

Stay strong.

slank said...

So sorry, Chez.
I really hope your mom beats this and I sincerely hope the move will not limit visits with your daughter. Life can really be tough at times.

Hope said...

Christ. I'm sorry, man. What they ^ said, I guess- just hang in there. I sincerely hope this move doesn't affect the amount of time you and Inara will get to spend together. Neither of you deserve that.

Also, I don't mean to impose or anything(in my defense, I'm from south Alabama, so this is what we do when we're not otherwise engaged building giant moon pies and finding leprechauns), but if there's anything we can do to help with your mom's treatment (cash donations, get well gift baskets, whatever), please post it. Cancer sucks.

Busayo said...

I'm sorry about your mum and Inara moving so far. What everyone else said: hang in there and I'll be sending healing thoughts your way.

Janean said...

That Fucking sucks! Cancer sucks, and moving your daughter to Texas sucks, and shit I don't know what to say except I'm sorry and wish things were better for you right now.

Sarcastro said...

If it's any consolation, there's an alternate universe out there where Jayne has cancer and your mom is moving to Dallas.

Anonymous said...

Stay strong, man. More cancers are going down every day--I hope your mom has one that gets its ass well and thoroughly kicked. Just love your mom and love your daughter and realize there's only so much you can do for either right now. Take care of yourself too. And Inara will always know how much you love her, no matter how far away you are.

Scully said...

I'm really sorry Chez. I hope your Mum gets well soon.

As for Jayne, there is nothing kind or respectful I can say, so I'll just leave that alone, expect to say that she was lucky to have you and doesn't deserve the respect you have shown her over the years.

I really hope that the situation with Inara will not get complicated due to the move.

Have a strong drink. Hold your head up high. You'll be OK.

Chez said...

For the record, I'm not going off on Jayne on this and I'd expect everyone else to do -- or not do, as it were -- likewise. I care about my daughter and what this means for her life and for my relationship with her. Nothing else matters.

Anonymous said...

It will get better. If it is any help, both my parents went through cancer fights, and both pulled through. Dad had prostrate and my mom had mouth cancer. During the whole scare, I couldn't keep thinking that the two diseases were connected, then an image would form in my head, then I would want to vomit. Plus I got to see exactly what I am facing 20 years from now.

As per the kid moving, that is straight up tough. All I can say is that with today's technology, it is much...much easier to deal with. I am still amazed, even when deployed overseas, all the things I got to still see of my nieces (first walks, birthday parties, etc). It sucks compared to not in person, but considering what just 10 years ago you would be limited to, its amazing.

Brianne said...

Fuck. Sorry Chez. Guess you'll get to see a different part of the country at least... All the best to your mom.

Kevin In Choconut Center said...

Man, so sorry to hear this. I am sending good thoughts to you and your mom, and that sweet little girl that calls you "Daddy".

Leigh C. said...

Big ((((((hugs)))))). R'fuah shleimah (healing and health) to your mom. And Dallas sucks, but it will suck a little less with your daughter being there. 8-/

MeLisa said...

Cancer's a bitch that will have to be dealt with. Treatment plans, options, etc. As for your ex moving with your daughter. I lived many miles away from my dad most of my childhood, it DID NOT effect me negatively. He stayed a part of my life, loved me unconditionally, and even though my mothers choices were difficult for him, he forgave her and they treated eachother with grace throughout my growing years. I love my father, and your baby girl loves you. Thats how it is and always will be.

JackDanieL said...

I killed cancer last year.
6"x6"x2" tumor pressing on my heart and lung - doctors found it a day after I ran a 5k obstacle course.
Be strong for everyone, yourself included - positive vibes from me to you bro.

Withnail said...

Drink heartily, my friend.

Lauren--NY said...

Hi, Chez. I'm a lurker who read your memoir and very much enjoyed it. Just letting you know I'm thinking of you and your family at this time.

God, cancer sucks. Your mom beat it once before, right? She can do it again. She sounds like a really strong, wise lady who has lots of people who love her.

Your baby is still just a plane ride away. I am hopeful that she will love her new city, and that solutions will be worked out so that you can see her very often, and that she will be enriched by having extra people who love her and the unique experience of travel in her life. She may be a roving reporter yet. :-)

And, as others said--Skype!

All my best, buddy.

Anonymous said...

Chez, after treatment, which is painful and just god damn unpleasant as you know, survival rates are at a all-time high. Stay positive man. The stronger you and your family is, the more determined your mom will be.

Inara will always be your one and only, and you will be her's too. It won't matter that even if Jayne eventually lands in Wasilla and sends Inara to camp with a Palin, you and her will always be together to laugh about them and then some.

Take care bud.

Tom Mullen
San Diego

Jester said...

Hang in there, Chez. If nothing else, the flight from Florida to Dallas isn't any longer than Florida to NY.

Hope your mom beats the big C. Lots of people do these days.

AraS said...

This too shall pass.

I truly hope your mom gets healthy as soon as possible.

And at least Dallas isn't further by air than NY is.

Anonymous said...

All I can do is bitch about needing to buy a new car...

namron said...

Free legal advice: Not "going off on Jayne" and defending your position as Inara's father are two different things. Explore a modification of the custody portion of the final decree to expand significantly the time Inara will spend with you in Florida. Once she gets established in Texas, it will be much harder to modify. It sucks, big time, but you have to act now.

Anonymous said...

"I'm not going off on Jayne on this and I'd expect everyone else to do -- or not do, as it were -- likewise."

Yet you screen all your comments and approve one that wishes cancer on her? Keep patting yourself on the back, buddy.

CNNfan said...

The order is a good sign:

1. mother
2. daughter
3. grandmother

In last place, cancer, suggests it was perhaps caught early.

In second place, it is to be expected.
Children ALWAYS lose the most in a divorce.

Congratulations to first place!

Chez said...

Settle down, Anon 10:42. I let that comment through because it made me laugh a little. If it offended you or anyone else that much, your sensibilities are way too fragile.

FabMax said...

Again, the old adage "Life sucks, and then you die." proves that it is correct once again.

Hope that your life will suck a little less for you and your family in the future.

Riles said...

Wow man. So sorry to hear about all of this. Hang in there.

Jessica said...

Just an honest question: what is so bad about Inara moving to Dallas? I only ask because it doesn't seem too much further from Miami than NYC already is. It's not a good situation in general, which I get, to be that far from your daughter, but is there any reason why Dallas is worse than NYC?

As for Jayne being engaged, well... I can only imagine that regardless of where they lived it'd be like acid on your heart to think about another man living day in and day out with Inara. For all the faults that she might have, Jayne never came across as an inherently bad mother. (Maybe selfish.) I assume the guy must be decent and good for Inara. I hope anyway.

Tammie said...

im so sorry.

Al said...

Oh man that's a kick to the nuts...but cancer can be beaten, MIA/DFW is a quick flight and as for the other thing that's now an SEP (as Douglas Adams put it). Sorry you're hitting a bumpy patch buddy, but it will pass. Take care.

Anonymous said...

If it's breast cancer, get your mom on some Iodoral (strong Iodine supplement, and breast tissue has large amounts of iodine in it) ASAP in combination with some selenium and a good multivitamin.

Even if it's not that particular type of cancer, it wouldn't be a bad idea anyway. Americans are horribly deficient in iodine and it's important for so many things in the body.

Scully said...

"...but is there any reason why Dallas is worse than NYC?"

Crap environment. Horrible schools. No exposure to various cultures...

LzyMom said...

Wow, I'm at a loss for words, which usually doesn't happen to me.

Courage; my mom had cancer twice. She died from a massive heart attack so there's irony for you.

I know you love your baby girl. I hope she grows up always knowing it. :)

For some reason I have Bob Marley in my head... everything's going to be all right. And even if it isn't, we don't have much of a choice to do we?

Sorry, I suck at being an optimist.

Cheers!

Sonia

Anonymous said...

"Settle down, Anon 10:42..."

Are you going to tell Inara to settle down when she's old enough to read this? I'm sure strangers on the internet wishing cancer on her mother as provoked by her father isn't going to mess her up at all. But Jayne is the bad guy for moving her to Dallas.

Chez said...

Knock it off. First of all, I didn't say anyone was a bad guy -- I'm implying that it caught me by surprise and that it stings because of the fact that it affects my daughter. Second, the level of your righteous indignation seems mildly suspect, "anonymous."

I made a promise a while back that I wasn't going to say anything "negative" about Jayne and I made it clear that I don't want anyone here doing it either. As I said, that comment, which was very obviously a joke, made me laugh so it gets through. Got a problem with it? Don't read.

I also said a while back that the details of what happened in our lives -- some of which have already been made public so your outrage is pretty much for nothing -- are now left to the past. I threw up one post about something going on in my life. Didn't elaborate at all beyond that and didn't even bother to get into how it makes me feel or why.

Again, you're really that offended? Go somewhere else. It's a big internet. I've already defended myself far more than I need to, when you consider the big picture.

pea said...

University of Pennsylvania is doing interesting and so far successful gene therapy in the fight against cancer. It might be worth looking at. Best of luck to your mom.

As for Dallas, at least it's another airport that has a great deal of direct flights. Trying to look on the bright side. It could have been Albuquerque. At least Austin's not too far down the road for some civilization.

Anonymous seems to need some therapy of his/her own.

lakelady said...

Wish I could think of something witty or funny to lift your spirits. Others have already expressed what I'm thinking quite well (including some off beat humor). Only thing I can add is the thought ran through my head that this could make for some great writing fodder for the future. Oh and btw I had a great weekend. Thanks for asking :)

Anonymous said...

Chez, any lady who can give birth to a guy like you, who's already beat cancer once, has to be one tough cookie. I'm sure she'll knock it back to the hole from it came.

But as for your daughter...I'm not sure if transitioning from New York to Miami or Dallas to Miami is any better than the other.

The Mama said...

Oh Chez.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I won't impose and ask what kind, but I will say that they are making all kinds of strides in the fight, and Florida has some excellent cancer treatment centers (Moffitt in Tampa at USF for example, which is close enough for a second opinion if nothing else).

I can only imagine the mixed emotions you're facing with regard to Jayne being engaged. As someone who is divorcing for the same reasons you and Jayne split, I'm not sure how I would react to the same news.

I second namrom's free legal advice. Once she moves, it'll be loads harder to make any changes. Come to think of it, I'm not sure how your custody arrangement is worded, but is Jayne "allowed" to move?

In any event, I'm sorry. Just know that Inara knows you love her, and it's obvious what a great dad you are.

Please keep us posted on your mom's health, and like Hope said, let us know if there's anything we can do.

Chez said...

My mom's going to Moffitt tomorrow. It's in her breasts, but the initial doctors who diagnosed her worry it came from somewhere else.

As for Jayne moving, there's not much I can do about it and I'm not sure I would if I could. If I lived in NY full-time I'd likely have fought this kind of thing, since I sort of knew it was inevitable -- but I'm not in a position to do that and even I know it. We have custody worked out. It hurts terribly, but my options are somewhat limited right now.

Anonymous said...

Honey, I'm so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Jesus, you can't even complain about a really terrible week without people coming around to start shit. Did you kill small children in a past life?

I'm wishing your mother a quick recovery.

The Mama said...

Glad to hear that she'll be at Moffitt tomorrow. Both my mom and gram were there, and both for breast cancer. I've also had a couple of friends go to them for skin cancer. They are so incredibly thorough, but with that thoroughness comes a lot of scariness, because suddenly they're talking to you about things you never thought were possible. At the time, I hated that, but looking back, I'm glad that they really did cross every T and dot every I. Moffitt also knows how to treat the whole family, which is extremely helpful.

Sending lots of healing thoughts for your mom, and healing thoughts for your heart, too.

Anonymous said...

Best wishes to you and to your mother. Sorry for your troubles.

Hope that beautiful little girl doesn't now grow up with a Texan accent.

Adrienne Saia said...

... the fuck?

The remarkable thing is your sustained sense of humor, as evidenced by the post's tag. It's the cherry on the shit sundae.

Tara Parker said...

Sorry to hear about your Mom, Chez. Sending prayers your way.

I hope you are still able to see Inara as much (or more)as you do now. Miami to Dallas isn't too bad of a flight.

Hang in there.

MJG said...

There are times in life when the only thing that makes sense is the serenity prayer. Hang in.

LK3 said...

Chez
Thinking of your mom and you today...

CNNfan said...

"My mom's going to Moffitt tomorrow."

If you ever need someone to talk to, who as a son, lived through, what you are living through.

Let me know.

em said...

Late to this, but I'm truly sorry to hear this, Chez. Your mom is in my thoughts. My mom has had cancer for the past 12 years, and if your mom is anything like my mom (and I'm sure she is because she is YOUR mom), she is a fighter. Good luck with the custody issues too.

Amy said...

All my best to your Mom, hope she has a speedy recovery. Been there, and we beat it, you guys can too.

Dallas isn't all bad. It's a different kind of diversity from NYC, and it's a hell of a lot hotter, but it can be a really great place with a little bit of effort. If you'd like any tips, give me a holler, we're right down the road in Austin.

Wherever life takes Miss Inara, she'll always be your little girl, and you'll always be her Daddy. There's not a thing in the universe that can change that.

Take care- once you get through the clouds, the sky is always blue.

been there said...

I'm a nurse, now a med student. Cancer is BULLSHIT- no question there. Wishing your mom strength and all the best to you as well.

As for the move, Dallas isn't Houston, so there's that...At least maybe she will have a yard to play in, room for a garden (I'm trying to think of the positives here...).

I've moved my kids 13 times, last move across the ocean. It might be hard at first to come to terms with the idea, and it is fucking Dallas, but still...there are things to be learned for Inara along the way. She is lucky to have you for a father, that is for sure.

My best to you. It all works out somehow in the end. Thank you for sharing as much as you do- your blog is not only good for the mind, but the soul as well.

Much love from Moscow, Russia.

Benoit from Ottawa said...

Righto. All the best.

QueBarbara said...

[Insert meaningless but heartfelt platitudes here.]

Best to you and your mum.

Kevin Davis said...

Thoughts go out to you buddy. Take care.