Monday, August 08, 2011

Motley Crusaders

I get that I'm, ironically, preaching to the choir here. If you're a regular around these parts, chances are you already know that between Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry -- and despite the Tea Party's proclamations that it's about economic and not social issues -- religious zealotry among conservative presidential contenders is alive and well. Over the weekend, Perry hosted 30,000 people in Houston at a prayer event he dubbed "The Response"; it featured the usual exultant arm-raising, Jesus-inspired trance-dancing and of course thunderous appeals to on high for guidance through these dark times. Bachmann, meanwhile, is -- well, Bachmann; her special brand of Christian fanaticism wouldn't get her declared mentally fit to stand trial for jaywalking much less allow her to be elected leader of any halfway-sane country.

Still, if you need a refresher course on just what we're likely up against in 2012 -- and by "we" I mean the vast swath of rational Americans who remain largely unheard-from in our political discourse simply because crazy makes for better ratings and more page hits -- scan through the following couple of pieces. I don't need to tell you how scary they are -- but that's sort of the point.

International Business Times: Ready or Not America, Here Comes Rick Perry: Presidential Candidate/8.7.11

The New Yorker: Leap of Faith/8.15.11

Mother Jones: The Documentary that Inspired Michele Bachmann/8.8.11

Two little postscripts: First, you may as well hook the keg up in your living room and prepare for the inevitable drinking game to be played wherein you down a beer every time somebody on the right screeches about how the articles above are part of the liberal media's obsession with destroying conservative Christians (two whenever Bachmann is defiantly referred to as a "strong Christian woman with conservative values.")

Second, yesterday on ABC George Will suggested that Rick Perry would be running on a platform of "Texas exceptionalism."

Now go get a paper towel and clean the coffee off your computer before it shorts it out.


Matt said...

So, a little off topic here. I've got "Soundtrack for a Revolution", playing on Netflix. While they are talking about the role that music played in the Civil Rights Movement and describing the beatings, firebombings and other things that seem so incomprehensible now, what keeps running through my head is "Is this what some of these idiots mean by taking 'our' country back?"

Oh, and everything is bigger in Texas, even teh stoopidd.

IrishGirl said...

I can't stand that state of TX. If I don't want to live there, I sure as hell don't want them to export their special crazy sauce to the rest of the country via a Perry Presidency. Wasn't Pres. Shrub enough torture to last us a life time?

Busayo said...

What's so exceptional about Texas? I mean, besides the idiocy.

Girl With Curious Hair said...

I don't really drink, but I think this particular drinking game will require something a little stronger than beer.

Anonymous said...

"Texas exceptionalism"? That sounds...patriotic. (My partner just said, "if you're talking about Buddy Holly and Butthole Surfers, sure").

Mitt is looking better all the time.

On the one hand, all the wingnuttery could make for a fun campaign. But the reality is that the stakes are so fucking high that the amusement factor is just not there for me.

Jester said...

Next year's Presidential candidates so far:

Non-Christian whack-job with good hair from right coast. Non-Christian whack-job with good hair from left coast. Naive white semi-incompetent conservative. Naive black semi-incompetent conservative.
Philandering semi-competent whack-job with bad hair. Philandering semi-competent whack-job with "good" hair. Incompetent outdoor female Christian whack-job. Incompetent indoor female Christian whack-job.
The guy what tried to justify philandering Catholic priests, kill the National Weather Service, and is still positive Iraq had WMDs. And Jonathon Starkey, King of whack-jobia.

Mart said...

Jester - the problem is we have Obama has compromised well to the right of his original core support on financial and military matters. Who will be the boots on the ground in 2012, the small donors to defeat the awesome power granted by Citizens United? That plus 10%+ unemployment, Obama is black with a Muslim name!, the jackass media - and the hounds could well be upon us. As an atheist I am praying God saves us.

Jester said...

The problem with Obama is in his reactions and his total lack of negotiating ability.

Say a "fully liberal" solution to a problem is +10 on a linear graph and a "fully conservative" solution is -10. Obama will propose something that is, say, +1 on that graph (he used to propose things that were +4). Conservatives will come back with something that is -7. So he'll "compromise" and say he'll accept -3.

That's how it went for the first couple of years, until the conservatives realized they could just say "no" and he'd "compromise" again at -5.

...which is how things worked until this debt debacle, when he completely folded and accepted -6.

In much the same way that people objected because they could spell potato and Dan Quayle couldn't, I kinda insist on having a President who is a better negotiator than I am. So I'm shopping around for another candidate.

Problem is, whereas with Obama we're getting -5 and -6 solutions, most of the other candidates won't settle for anything less than -8 or -9.

Ref said...

Jester, I see your point but, as a confirmed leftist, it's been my position that Obama has been starting at about -3 since the beginning. I've never had a problem with his birth certificate, but I doubt his legal qualifications since I've never seen a lawyer so bad at negotiating.

Louise said...

Barack Obama has been a disappointment in so many countless ways. He can't handle the job.
Our country needs real change to survive, not partisanship & snide comments.
Sadly, many of our politicians can't seem to function without putting their politics ahead of what is best for the country. In their narrow world, can they even discern what is best for the country? Do they even care?

Anonymous said...

To paraphrase Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks, I'm ashamed that I live in a state where we're unleashing another not ready for prime time political candidate on America.

Liz in Austin said...

As a native Texan, I have to say I'm tickled pink that Gov. Goodhair is flinging his cowboy hat into the ring.

Living here is a fucking nightmare and a complete embarrassment. All the stoopids that vote for him are the mindless village twits that think the emperor's new clothes are the best in all the land.

Pleaseohplease let the sun shine on his bare ass and let someone proclaim the emperor is naked as a jay-bird!!

When will the crazy-ass voters of Texas wake the fuck up and kick him out of the big house...huh? Those in the Austin area are on to his schemes and machinations, but the bumpkins living elsewhere haven't caught on to his lyin' ass yet.

*kicking back now with my cup of tea and waiting for the schadenfreude...*