Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Learning Disabled

As God is my witness, this is not from the Onion. It's from an article in the St. Petersburg Times about a Tea Party summer camp supposedly being sponsored by the 912 Project, called the "Tampa Liberty School."

Behold, an example of Poe's Law in its purest possible form:

"'One example at Liberty: Children will win hard, wrapped candies to use as currency for a store, symbolizing the gold standard. On the second day, the 'banker' will issue paper money instead. Over time, students will realize their paper money buys less and less, while the candies retain their value.

'Some of the kids will fall for it,' Lukens said. 'Others kids will wise up.'

Another example: Starting in an austere room where they are made to sit quietly, symbolizing Europe, the children will pass through an obstacle course to arrive at a brightly decorated party room (the New World).

Red-white-and-blue confetti will be thrown. But afterward the kids will have to clean up the confetti, learning that with freedom comes responsibility.

Still another example: Children will blow bubbles from a single container of soapy solution, and then pop each other's bubbles with squirt guns in an arrangement that mimics socialism. They are to count how many bubbles they pop. Then they will work with individual bottles of solution and pop their own bubbles.

'What they will find out is that you can do a lot more with individual freedom,' Lukens said."

My first thought: No way this is for real. It's so insane -- as Alex Pareene over at Salon says, it anticipates every possible joke you could make and beats you to it -- that it just cannot be anything other than brilliant satire.

Because if it isn't -- we're even worse off than I thought.


Matt said...

"Children will blow bubbles from a single container of soapy solution, and then pop each other's bubbles with squirt guns in an arrangement that mimics socialism." What the blue, gibbering fuck?

The Mama said...

As a Tampa Bay area native, please, please, please believe me when I tell you that we're not ALL crazy like this. Some of us (*coughRickScottcough*) are, but the majority of us are nice, normal people who have more than three brain cells.

This sounds like brainwashing at its finest.

And this? "In fact, Jaroch said the group might try to bring its curriculum to the public schools during Constitution Week in September." I can't imagine that the individual school boards will allow that to happen.

Although this is the same area of the state that gave us Rhonda Storms. And tried to give us the Jesus license plate.


Girl With Curious Hair said...

What Matt said.

Capt Clown said...

Uh... Wouldn't children who popped each others' bubbles learn that Socialism is fun?

Also, they forgot to say, "...Other children will eat the hard candy and learn that it is delicious."

Sheriff Bart said...

And I thought Wisconsin was fucked up.

Anonymous said...

Schools and libraries are socialist constructs. Obviously the Tea Party started avoiding those first.

Busayo said...



Narbe said...

I remember seeing a sticker saying "Jesus rolls his eyes when retarded people speak." This is what reminded me of it.

Anonymous said...

I take solace that this isn't that big of a deal. Any parent that would be willing to drop their kids off into the hands of these people have already heavily indoctrinated their kids already. Now if they were given access to the entire student body, then yes...this would be utterly insane.

No matter what you try and instill in your kids, they are at one point going to learn about the world on their own. Chances are these kids are going to rebel and turn into full fledged followers of Trotsky by the time they hit college.

kanye said...

Would this be one of those things that you Floridians get to do while those of us in Northern climes are suffering through winter?

namron said...

To Kanye:

You are correct. The northern strain of this species of Troglodyte remains huddled in the cave from October 1 to May 31 eating beef jerky and watching Fox.