Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Quote of the (End of ) Day(s)

"I've crunched the numbers, and it's going to happen."

-- 33-year-old Brian Haubert, who believes that a coded message in the Bible proves the world will end on May 21st

I have no idea how I managed to avoid bringing this up until now.

This whole time I've been going about my business, futilely reveling in the big DXM Fifth Birthday Jubilee -- thrilled that this site will officially celebrate year five on May 30th -- and holy shit, we're all gonna die!


In all seriousness, I listened to the report below over the weekend. Yeah, it's easy for me to poke fun at these dingbats, particularly people like Brian who actually attempt to apply real-world logic and reason -- "number crunching" -- to ancient superstition. But to be very honest there's nothing funny about the couple that's planned it so that by May 21st they've spent every last dime they have, since, well, who's gonna need money after the apocalypse?

You know who? Their infant daughter who's apparently now going to die one way or the other -- either at the hand of the Almighty or from starvation.

See, this is why I despise religion.

Oh well, at least I'll have Inara with me at the end.

Good luck, everyone.

NPR: Is the End Nigh? We'll Know Soon Enough/5.7.11


Wayne Jarvis said...

With any luck, Child Protective Services will be knocking on their door the morning of May 22.

Nancy, Near Philadelphia said...

Well, I'm delighted that you're finally on this. Interestingly, our neighbor's 90th birthday party is that night and it is to be quite the extravaganza. I told him I was very impressed with his arranging Jesus to be his surprise special guest.

We sensible Lutherans are snickering as much as you are.

Anonymous said...

Of course his world will end on May 21st. By then his 15 minutes of fame will be up and it will be all over for him.

brite said...

No way is this happening on May 21...I've got the last week of May booked in Paris.
Christian apocalyptic thinking has been around as long as...well, Christianity.See here for a fairly complete list:

Marsupialus said...

I, personally can't wait: There will be so many more homes available for immediate occupancy. And someone needs to be around to take care of the stray cats and dogs the true believers will leave behind.

pete p said...

hurry chez! only 10 more shopping days till the rapture!

Anonymous said...

I hope it happens. The traffic going in to work on the 23rd should be pretty light here in Texas.

Al said...

Did you miss this gem?

"Their daughter is 2 years old, and their second child is due in June"

Second child...due AFTER the apocalypse. Um...didn't think any of this through did they?

Benoit from Ottawa said...

Geez, I'm getting the socket to a (tooth) implant on the 19th! Spare myself the bother? Write a post-dated cheque? Or fuck the expense, spend all my money?


At least we don't have long to wait. 'Cause "the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiting is the hardest part".

Fred said...

I want to see an interview with the douchebag after the date passes. Its easily imaginable that he will claim that he miscalculated and the date will now be "X".

Al said...

I expect it will be more along the lines of "the righteous prayed so hard for the redemption of the sinners that lawd gawd himself has mercifully delayed the bla bla bla bla bla send money".

dammitjanet said...

Ho. lee. shite. What a friggin bunch of looney toons. Umm, if their baby is due in June, aren't they all fucked???

I just hate everybody.