Monday, May 16, 2011

Countdown To Rapture: 5 Days

Another friendly reminder that we're just five days away from the beginning of the end: the Rapture.

By now you should have taken a tour of your neighborhood and determined which local business-owners are most likely to be whisked away to the right hand of God, leaving their inventory free for the taking. An important rule of thumb: Get nowhere near any stores run by those left behind; the proprietors were evil to begin with and once the world opens up and starts swallowing sinners, you don't think they'll be even more likely to shoot you in the face for no reason at all? Also, if you have hurricane shutters, go ahead and test them now. They won't really help against tornadoes made of hell-fire, but it's better than nothing.

Anybody rent a keg for the weekend? The good news is you won't have to return it.

Oh, by the way, in real-world Armageddon news -- America officially hits the debt ceiling today. That sound you hear is half the Republican party chanting, "Burn, baby, burn!"


Jadine said...

To quote Stephen Hawking, "I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark."

Also, my captcha - unction. Weeeird.

Sue said...

There's a store nearby that sells all sorts of stuff for Catholics. I will have all the candles I need until the end of time once the rapture hits.