Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Countdown To Rapture: 4 Days

Yet another friendly reminder that you only have four days to live.

Well, not really to live, since there will still be 153 days of torment following this Saturday -- the date of the Rapture -- but you get the idea.

I'd say that by now you should have made out your last will and testament, but let's face it -- it isn't going to do anyone any good since there won't be anything on Earth to leave behind for those not immediately ushered off to heaven. I mean, besides you. (Get it? "Left behind?" A little Armageddon humor for you there.)

Worth mentioning, though, is that a lot of people are planning post-Rapture parties, which if nothing else should be hedonistic bashes of heretofore unseen debauchery since, really, what has anyone got to lose anymore after the quakes strike at 6pm on May 21st? Check Facebook for details. Oh, and speaking of the exact time of the end, remember to pay close attention to CNN -- or, actually, Fox, now that I think about it, seeing as how it's always the Apocalypse on that network and they're the most self-righteous anyway -- all day Saturday to watch as God's wrath moves across the face of the Earth, beginning in New Zealand. (So long, Kiwis!)

All in all, you may as well come to terms with what's about to happen. Don't fight it -- just have fun. And here's a little something to get you in the mood for eternal damnation -- compliments of the Oak Ridge Boys.

(Video h/t Christian Nightmares & The Daily Swarm)


60ft6in said...

There are 153 days between the Rapture and Judgment Day. Utilizing the pre-1961 major league baseball schedule with 7 teams times 22 games equals a 154 game schedule that is one day less than 22 weeks with no off days. Rapture is on Saturday May 21, 2011. Adding 153 days to that would make Judgement Day Friday October 21, 2011. My Google search places Judgement Day on Sunday October 23, 2011. When is Judgement Day--after Game 2 of the 2011 World Series or during Game 4? Thank God for baseball!

Sir Isaac Newton stated that the Apocalypse could happen no earlier than 2060. I will be 108 then and in no mood to take everyone with me when I die. My Hash House Harrier nickname is Stats, not Pharoah.

Just to be safe come Rapture day this Saturday eat some Fig Newtons to be protected. They are healthier for you than Bill Orvis White's famous pies!

Anonymous said...

Oh, irony of ironies! The left champions Heath care for all, yet the single largest waiver request / grant per capita is located in San Francisco, California - represented by the honorable Nancy Pelosi.

What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too?

carly said...

I'm going to a Third Eye Blind concert in Dallas! If that doesn't say end times...

The Bacon said...

Anon 11:07

I saw that too..and I also think it's rich...

But what the fuck does it have to do with making fun of the rapture??

And Chez...leave the Oak Ridge Boys out of this!!

Thomas B said...

So! Now that I'm on the other side of the International Date Line, does that mean that we over here in the environs Down Under are going to be the first to go? Is God going to start in Samoa? Just want to know if I'll be able to see the USA go down in flames on live telly!