Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Countdown To Rapture: 10 Days


A reminder that there are now only ten days left until the Rapture.

Today Votar and I would like to announce to believers that -- since you're not going to be here after May 21st and won't be needing your money anymore anyway -- we're opening the official Post-Rapture Satanic One-World Bank and Trust.

We'll be happy to take that life savings you've accumulated throughout the years and keep it safe for you during the 153 days of upheaval and torment the Earth will endure in your absence. No Mark of the Beast bar code required -- simply transfer your cash and holdings from the bank at your local Wal-Mart into the Paypal account in the right-hand sidebar of this screen, where it says "Donate."

All deposits are non-refundable. But then, you won't be needing a refund, will you?

6 comments:

Melissa said...

People still have such things as "life savings"? I'm not quite familiar with the term ...

Fungi said...

I remember reading this a few years back and thinking this was brilliant: http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/

VOTAR said...

Free Be'el-ze-bran muffins in the lobby!

Dan said...

Genius. But you really need to put a purpose behind it. Otherwise, the saved will think giving will work against them.

E.g., use the money to help protect against the fire raining from the sky by helping you purchase a concrete bunker pub.

Nick said...

Almost genius: the idiots that believe that nonsense don't read you.

Instead, immediately register www.RaptureDonations.com; create a heavenly-themed home page with scripture-font text explaining what this post did, and only that; put your PayPal button there; SEO the hell (ahem) out of the site and watch the cash role in...


I imagine you could figure out what to do with the few thousand bucks that would undoubtedly role in; perhaps something to do with poking fun at said people?

NoxiousNan said...

Gosh, and my only plans were to attend an After the Rapture party. I guess that's why I'm the grasshopper and not the ant.