Friday, April 29, 2011

The King and Ire


I'll make this really quick.

I obviously don't have much to say about today's silly spectacle across the pond; aside from the fact that Kate Middleton is just disturbingly hot (see left), it's not something that affects my life or would keep me sufficiently entertained one way or the other.

But there have been a couple of humorous royal-related comments that Votar and I tossed around this morning.

First of all, William and Kate are now going to be known as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. What's interesting about this is that the titles apparently have no real meaning; they're just something Queen Elizabeth gets to pull out of thin air at her discretion.

Which got us thinking how great it would be if the Queen finally succumbed to senility or just decided to fuck with everybody and dubbed these two, "Lord Baron Von Jizzington Shitsack and Her Supreme Bad-Ass, Princess White Cleopatra Jones," or maybe just "Lord Humongous and Lady Die."

And that of course reminded us of this:



Also, remember when it looked like William was gonna be the "cool" prince and Harry would turn out to be the weenie. Man were those preconceptions backward. William is, to use the appropriate lingo, barely above a poof while Harry behaves like a kid who knows he's a fucking prince but who also knows he'll never be king. He's gone to raves, banged girls two at a time, he dressed like Hitler for Christ's sake (if that doesn't scream, "Go ahead, get pissed, I dare you," nothing does), and when he decided, "You know what? I want to kill people," he joined the Royal Military. What has he got to lose?

If he did just go off one night and shoot a hooker in the face or something, just because he could, what would happen? Does the Royal Family have somebody on speed dial who's the equivalent of the Wolf from Pulp Fiction?

"Okay, you've got a commoner, minus a head in the boot of an Aston Martin -- take me to it."

As you can tell, we're showing the monarchy the respect it deserves.

13 comments:

Tania said...

Hah! Nice one Chez. Now I'm imagining Harry in 15 years, the Charlie Sheen of the Windsors....

Personally, I found Kate's brother rather hot, and wondered where they'd been hiding him!

The rest of it, eh. They could do the pageantry in their sleep by now. It looked great, I guess. But I felt sorry for the guests in the Abbey, as some of them had to be there from 8am, and there are no loos. Seriously. If a Duchess needed a pee during the ceremony, she would have had to go behind a pillar.

Benoit from Ottawa said...

I don't disagree with you much at all, Chez, though I do remember a certain President Bush's daughter's wedding, which was somewhat similar in spirit if not in jewelry and pageantry.

Jack Sparrow's Muse said...

Plus, if he does get married, no-one is really going to care because he's just third in line to the throne. And that position goes down if Will and Kate have kids.

Busayo said...

At one point, I was waiting for Eugenie and Beatrice's hats to gain sentience and begin the alien invasion.

Chez said...

Silly Brits.

Scott said...

Not that I'm a royal fan or anything, but William also joined the military. I believe he's a rescue helicoptor pilot now. Say what you want about the royals, but military service for the men is a duty that they are beholden to.

Chez said...

Yeah, I was actually aware of that but it would've blown the joke. I'm taking the Jon Kyl defense on this one.

Anonymous said...

who cares whether you show them respect or not ..they're not YOUR monarchy.

i hardly think they would care whether you respected them or not, and nor do i think you are qualified to say whether they deserve respect or not. again, NOT your monarchy.

Chez said...

So honored the Queen took time out of her busy corgi-petting schedule to stop in and leave us an indignant comment.

Ha. Eat me.

Anonymous said...

It's hardly the Royal Family's fault that over half of the "media" there for the event were from the US. I mean, they've had precious little to do since the Anna Nicole Smith saga! Your collective inferiority complex is showing again, and the simple fact that you live in a country where there is even a theoretical, mathematical, chance that a buffoon like Trump could become YOUR Head of State should give you pause before criticizing the system of government in any other country

Chez said...

Oh, relax -- overly sensitive child.

Anonymous said...

Wow! What a witty riposte..

Chez said...

Must be my primitive American impudence getting the best of me, oh wise anonymous one from the civilized world. : )