Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A Clever and Amusing Headline Goes Here

Years ago I caught comic and current Twitter icon Chris Hardwick at the Improv in L.A. During one of the best bits of his set, he told the audience that he was tired of the Germans getting a bad rap when it came to their sense of humor, and so he wanted to know if anyone wanted to hear a "German joke."

The joke he told was as follows:

"Knock, knock.

Who's there.


Peaches who?

Peaches have no intrinsic value and there is no God."

Well, along those lines, there's now a website entirely devoted to "anti-jokes," and it's pretty damn hysterical.

Just a few examples:

"A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, 'What'll it be?' The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck."

"Your friend is so gay, he has consensual sex with other men. and enjoys it."

"Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear."

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partner and seek help."

"What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

Getting raped by a giant scorpion."

"Knock, Knock.

Who's there?


Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him."

The Anti-Joke


Anonymous said...

humor for vulcans.

TK said...

Bloody brilliant. My personal fave so far:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I have a gun.
Get in the van.

FabMax said...

Seems that we Germans are always but the butt of jokes. *rolleyes*

Chez said...

Love this one, too:

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Wheres my tractor?

Chez said...

Seriously, if I had the time I could read these all day:

A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling.
"I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said.
So he found some berries, but spit them out.
"These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said.
He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees.
"That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said.
He then stumbled upon a cabin.
"I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curious bear wondered.

The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes.

Anonymous said...

A man spends his first day in prison talking to his cell mate. His cell mate gives him a few tips on surviving maximum security in his first weeks there, and then pauses to look outside the bars of the cell.

"I got an escape plan", says the man's cell mate.

"What is it?"

"Put this blanket over your head, and I'll tell you what to do when the guard comes back."

The man puts the blanket over his head, and his cell mate begins to rape him. Savagely.

James said...

This sort of reminds me of a blog I used to frequent, but now has stopped putting up new content, called

Specifically, one post. Check it out:

Anonymous said...

Another punchline for the one about finding a worm in your apple is "The Holocaust."