Thursday, March 10, 2011

Quote of the Day

"There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate."

-- Newt Gingrich, drawing on almost incomprehensible depths of shamelessness during an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network aimed at getting him off the hook for a quarter-century of philandering, cruelty and hypocrisy

Yes, you heard that correctly.

He fucked around on his wife because he loved America so much.

And I don't even remember getting a nice dinner and a night in a swanky hotel room out of it.


Robo said...

that's..."He fucked around on his wives because he loved America so much."

Not once but twice....that's a lot of good ole American Bukkake.

Christine said...

What cracks me up most about this is the tag.

The argument is just too absurd for me to even comment on. I swear you could take some of these transcripts and put them in satire without changing a single word. One little wink to the audience and we'd all the rolling with laughter.

Kat said...

"GodDAMNit" - John Edwards

Chez said...

Exactly. Just think, if he'd used that excuse then his love child would've belonged to all of us. It'd be the Freedom Baby.

Eric said...

What's most asinine about the quote in my mind is that Gingrich thinks the problem is the philandering. Yeah, talking about the sanctity of marriage while cheating on your wives makes you a hypocrite, but that's only the second problem with Gingrich's marital history.

The first problem is the one that David Frum nailed in that quote Chez posted the other day: the cruelty.

Most reasonable adults, regardless of whether or not they approve or what they themselves might do in a relationship, can at least accept that human relationships are complicated: marriages go bad, people cheat, etc., etc., etc. Y'know, some couples even manage the whole forgiveness thing or even that crazy open marriage thing--in any case, the fact that one person in a marriage has sex with someone outside the marriage doesn't mean he or she doesn't love their married partner anymore (though sometimes it does).

But what makes Gingrich a transcending douchebag is that he's now dumped two wives while they were suffering life-threatening illnesses. One might understand, probably with disapproval, if Gingrich had simply strayed sexually while a wife wasn't there for him because she was sick--it would be a weak and contemptible thing to do, but he's only human and some people can't say no to temptation (which, incidentally, may also be why they'd be shitty presidents). But to dump a wife while she ought to be focusing everything she can on recuperation or just surviving? Twice. I just hope the current wife, whatever her name is, doesn't get sick.

Note to Newt: the problem isn't that you're a philanderer. Lots of people forgive Bill Clinton, because for all of Clinton's faults, he isn't an asshole. You, Mr. Gingrich, aren't merely an asshole, but are a prolapsed asshole.

L. said...

You laugh, but passionately loving America is a difficult thing. You'd be surprised how quickly people will call the cops when you drop trou and start fucking the ground while yelling.

Bill Orvis White said...

Speaker Gingrich crafted the patriotic Contract With America. It was a simple bullet point document in which the Honorable Mr. Gingrich along with patriots like Rep. Kasich, Rep. Linder, Rep. Livingston, Rep. King, Rep. Molinari, Rep. Armey and many others fulfilled. It was that rightful Republican Congress that got Bubba Clinton to sign the necessary Welfare Reform Act and to balance the budget resulting in a surplus which we desperately needed for the tax cuts (sorry, it was WE THE PEOPLE’s money) two very necessary wars on terrorism.

Speaker Gingrich stabilized the country after Bubba Clinton’s massive left-wing proposals. The minute Clinton/Gore was installed into office, these radicals wreaked havoc on our country. It was patriotic folk like Speaker Gingrich who had to bring these socialists back down to earth.

OK, now you are all criticizing the honorable speaker on his missteps. WE THE PEOPLE have to repeat this all the time: “President” Clinton had sexual relations with many women and lied under oath about it. Clinton curried favor to those women who engaged in these acts with them. It’s illegal! He should have been removed and jailed for these pecadilloes as well as the murder of Vincent Foster and the Whitewater land deals.

How much more do WE THE PEOPLE need to go? Ted Kennedy-adulterer and what happened on that bridge in Taxachusetts? John Edwards! What? And then you far left liberals are bashing Speaker Gingrich who has since found the Lord and has repented?

The Contract is responsible for whatever success Clinton ever had. We need to thank Speaker Gingrich for whatever good there was in the economy at the time. The economy crashed because of “President” Clinton working along with Bawney Frank who sent out loans to deadbeats. That crash happened on GW’s watch, but its roots are in the Carter White House and revived in the Clinton era. We are now paying dearly for the Carter/Clinton/Frank home loan giveaway programs-not the patriots who worked hard on Wall $treet as that large filmmaker shouts about all the time.

Please stop lying and bashing Speaker Gingrich’s honorable record. He’s far more fit to serve as president than the Community-Organizer-in-Chief.

I know for a fact that someone like Speaker Gingrich or Herman Cain will have to act fast once they take the oath of office as president in January 2013. I do hope that both of these honorable men will commit to talking about and implementing the FAIR Tax.

Good night and Amen,

pcBobby said...

Newt wraps moronic platitudes and "ideas" within a pseudo-intellectual coating that impresses the unengaged members of suburbia and exurbia who happily trot around in super-SUVs extolling the virtues of fidelity, church membership and soccer practice -- all the while pulling the lever for a thrice married/twice divorced snake oil salesman who is only playing out his own Greek tragedy on the national stage. In short, the man is a complete phony that has been playing the electorate like an out-of-tune fiddle.

Harvey Jerkwater said...

An interview snippet from the near future:

HANNITY: "Mr. President, have you ever been unfaithful to your wife, Michelle?"

OBAMA: "No, of course not. I would never-"


Chez said...

Oh, you so get Comment of the Week for that gem, Harve.

CNNfan said...

-- Noot Gangbang

Just Joking!

Le Penseur said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Benoit from Ottawa said...

Eric, you turned several excellent sentences up there!

Bill: yeah right. Un-amen to your post. Newt Gingrich is unpresidential.

Scott Saunders said...

So when Newt gives a semen sample, he whistles John Philips Sousa, just like John Glenn?

Anonymous said...

Oh America, you filthy enabler you.

Seeker said...

Okay, fess up. Who spoke glowingly about the Farce tax-- aka fairtax.

I loved the fairtax at first, until I read the fine print, and asked questions.

John Foley said...

Bill Orvis White, continuing his bizarre descent into performance art.

Speaker Newt has since found the Lord. Uh-huh. That's convincing. Missteps. Sure. Since it's a Republican, they're "missteps." When it's a Democrat these missteps become impeachable offenses. Don't fret, y'all Speaker Newt the Patriot has found Jesus- in between bouts of nailing anything that moves while excoriating others for doing same. But hey, he's got that (R) next to his name, so let's be all patient and understanding!

Capt AssClown said...

He's got one motherfuckin' patriotic penis.

Stephen said...

"You laugh, but passionately loving America is a difficult thing. You'd be surprised how quickly people will call the cops when you drop trou and start fucking the ground while yelling." -L.

Umm...I had to get up from my desk and laugh in a less populated area of my office.

Chez said...

Yeah, you guys are really bringing it on this one.

drater said...

Funny how the leaders of the party that celebrates personal responsibility are never responsible when they screw up.

Speaker Newt, on behalf of America I would like to apologize to you for making you work so hard that you had to cheat on your wife. My bad, your wives.

John Foley said...

I'm still just trying to process the idea that at least three women wanted to fuck this creature. Is money really that attractive?

em said...

"Is money really that attractive"

Uh, welcome to Newt's Place for Paper Bags and Doggy Style?

Le Penseur said...

I can totally relate to what Newt is saying; if it wasn't for my deep and abiding love for this country, I would never have strangled all those hookers.