A transcript of the conversation posted yesterday on my Facebook wall:
Status: Today's topic over beers: just in time for the holidays, inappropriate children's toy ideas. And... Go!
Chez: Peep Show Booth Cleaner Barbie (with Detachable Mop)
Noel: Vibrating Veggie Tales
Del: A Tea Party set
Chez: Fisher Price My First Period
Votar: Akbar Toys' "My First Suicide Vest"
Del: Barney's BDSM Starter Kit
Mark: Thomas the Tancredo
Chez: Fisher Price My First Time
Votar: All Aboard the Auschwitz Choo Choo
Votar: Tickle My Taint Elmo
Chez: Ratz
Scott: Tickle-Me Mark Foley Doll
Del: Swallow Some Semen Cindy
Chez: Inhellivision
Chez: The Auschwitz EZ Bake Oven
Votar: The Post-Katrina Superdome Playset
Chez: The Nidal Hasan Jihad Joe Doll
Ilsa: There is seriously a Fisher Price My First Period? I just died.
Votar: Bionic TSA Agent with X-ray Vision
Chez: Fisher Price My First Anal Scene (these are endless)
Paul: Spunk & Spell
Chez: The Commodore Prick 20
Paul: Pubic's Cube
Chez: Teddy Meatspin
Chez: Optimus Sex Crime
Paul: Titty Twister
Carlos: Mr. Potato Head: Michael Jackson Edition
Paul: Mr. Mouth (a real one which, in this context, sounds filthy)
Chez: XXXbox
Michael: Barbie with a Hidden Camera Inside... oh, wait
Carlos: Transgenders: More Than Meets the Eye
Chez: Mr. Snuffleupsomecoke
Votar: Atari's 9/11 Flight Simulator
Votar: Pokéboy
Chez: Suckle Me Elmo
Chez: Ravaged Snatch Kids
Chez: Rape Ape
Lake: The Dexter Doll Set (complete with knives, for dismemberment)
Votar: Hannah Does Montana
Chez: Port Authority Bathroom Barbie
Lake: Harry Potter Vibrating Quidditch Broom (oh, wait, Walmart already did that)
Chez: Play-Dildough
Votar: Dora Gets Deported
Chez: Mr. Microphone Tyson
Votar: Nerf Underwear Bomb
Lake: Uncle Bob's "It's Our Secret" Board Game
Monica: This post was just read out in its entirety at lunch with 7 other people. Good job. Cancer Cluster Barbie, complete with water well.
Chez: The Queef Football
Chez: Gaystation
Chez: 2 Girls, 1 Lincoln Log
Chez: The Stims (for autistic kids)
Chez: Robitussin Buzz Lightyear
Votar: The Chronicles of NAMBLA: Stories About Boys in a Closet
Votar: Touch My Wii
Chez: Kvetch-a-Sketch (perfect for Hanukkah!)
Chez: Spook Nuke 'Em (available only in the South)
Adam C: Collapsed Mine Playset -- battle your friends for the working air mask
Adam C: Little Miss Ladder-Climber with REAL Sucking Action
Votar: Emo Girl Dress Up Kit -- Now With Detachable Lip Ring, Fishnet Leggings, Fake Goth Tat, and Digital Camera (12 Hours of Free alt.binaries.my.dad.is.so.humiliated Newsgroup Access Also Included!)
Chez: Columbine Barbie
Chez: Heather Mills Leg-o Set
Maribel: Dr. 90210 Playset, complete with Botox Injections and Liposuction Canula
Chez: Travis Bickle Me Elmo
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Toy Sorry
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15 comments:
I love my new phone...and you. This list kept me amused and level-headed as I stood in a long line surrounded by annoying people at the store yesterday!
The link you added: pure evil.
--Lego Kama Sutra
--Sybian Snape Action Figure
--Sasha Grey Face Painting Kit
--Peter North Silly String dispenser
--Aunts in the Pants
--Hi Ho! There Goes My Cherry O
I agree, that link was pure evil. So of course I had my wife click it without knowing too.
You've outdone yourself this holiday season.
I had to stop eating my dinner. Started coughing from laughing so hard.
Please send all of your toy donations this Christmas to my favorite charity, Sex Toys For Tots. Thanks.
So wrong, so very wrong--so very, very funny.
"Heather Mills Leg-o Set" (spit-take w/my morning coffee... thanks).
Now where can I find one of these "Tickle my Taint Elmos"?
Meatspin before coffee. It's going to be a great day.
Full Cavity Search Barbie - For the budding TSA employee!
Plastic gloves included.
Heroin Hannah Montana Doll: Sleepover Surprise Edition
Courtney Love Barbie Doll: Comes With Oxycontin Branded Purse
Chris Hansen Montana Predator vs. Illegal Alien action figure set, complete with lewd flashing action and fence-jumping action
Fisher Price's My First Mafia Offer They Can't Refuse: Comes With Ballpeen Hammer!
GWAR Action Figure: Comes with optional impaled Sarah Palin, George Bush, Hitler, Saddam Hussein, or Glenn Beck. Osama Bin Laden would be an option if we could find him.
Nerf "Money Shot" Repeater Gun: Cums With Free Refills!
Let's Play Doctor Board Game
For the Hispanic children out there, it's the Chris Gringo Action Figure Doll, a gritty, white-only Santa reboot. Because Santa will never be brown and you know it.
Savage Rash Kids - You won't believe where they'll ask you to itch!
Flintstones Bam Bam & Pebbles Make Their First Medical Discovery Book
Votar: The Chronicles of NAMBLA: Stories About Boys in a Closet
Hands down winner lmao
My Little Tijuana Pony Show
I feel famous... *meatspin*
...and violated.
NOW it's Christmas.
and to think it all started with
Holocaust: The video game!
Jorge would be so proud!
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