Sunday, November 21, 2010

Photo Finish


A conversation yesterday at Lou's Beer Garden, North Beach, Miami:

Votar: So how'd that go?

Me: She's very cute. She gave me her number and told me to text her something "interesting." Does that mean I should send her a picture of my penis?

Votar: "Interesting," huh? You should text her a dissertation on tachyon particles.

Me: And a picture of my penis.

Votar: Of course.

Me: Actually maybe I can combine the two. I'll stick my penis into a shoebox and call it Schrodinger's Cock.

Votar: She can't observe it without changing it.

Me: Well that's a given.

Votar: A quantum physics dick joke -- impressive.

23 comments:

d-rap said...

I'm starting to need these transcripts/threads from your weekend visits to Lou's.

VOTAR said...

Funny how the transcript is a lot less drunken and disorderly than the actual events were. This almost reads as if, instead of Lou's, we were sitting in a Dickensian drawing room in overstuffed leather chairs, listening to a Victrola while puffing on cigars and brandy.

"Why yes, old chap, you simply must implore Dr. Bell to let you use that miraculous voice-machine of his to send the woman a most ribald dick joke combined with the latest treatise of that dashing Heisenberg fellow. Indubitably!"

"Spot on!"

Heather said...

I am impressed and thoroughly entertained!

Sheriff Bart said...

Chez's penis walks into a bar.
The bartender says "Hey! We don't serve tachyons here."
A tachyon walks into a bar.

Anonymous said...

She sounds like a lucky girl.

KAT said...

Lucky girl! I know I would swoon if I received suck dorky dirtiness.

motheralex said...

"The Cock Who Walks Through Walls" Heinlein would love it.

Deaddancer said...

That is Awesome!!

brite said...

Impressive, indeed.(the joke, not your penis...or maybe it is, but I wouldn't know)Also...freakin hilarious!

Chez said...

By the way, I'm never a big fan of explaining my sense of humor but since I've gotten a couple of e-mails and Facebook responses etc. on this, I should probably point out that it was a joke. No, I've never sent a picture of my penis to anyone. Although if you want one, let me know -- I've always thought it'd be great to take a shot of John Holmes or maybe a man who's obviously black, or maybe a naked-and-tucked Jame Gumb or something, and pass it along.

Krissy said...

Not surprising that a Freudian slip would occur in one of these comments, given the subject matter.

(see KAT 10:05pm)

kanye said...

This only works if your wearing a Favre jersey.

Fungi said...

If you need me to photoshop your penis, so you can really impress her, let me know.

Alanna said...

But the real question remains: What color Crocs will you be wearing?

VOTAR said...

But see once you attempt to photoshop it, you will alter its trajectory in four dimensional time-space. You don't want to introduce a quantum level paradox, do you?


Those are hard to wash off.

Fungi said...

Votar, not if I used my Flux Capacitor set at 1.21 gigawatts. That should do the trick and make his penis look quite tremendous in all or at least most dimensions. However, once she sees said penis in person, she will know it was altered. But, Chez can always say he had to have a reduction, because of all the pain and complaints he was getting.

Chez said...

Win.

Alex Barreto said...

Votar said "Dickensian".

kanye said...

This is getting far too complicated. Just pick a page from your book, any page, and text that to her.

And if she's still interested after that...run for your fucking life.

d-rap said...

I'm sitting on a park bench mentally exhausted from work...literally laughing out loud from these comments! People are staring. Awesome!

Amy Starkey said...

See, this is the stuff I was looking for on FB.

Anonymous said...

Votar, when you were getting all "Dickensian", you should have said, John Thomas or maybe pego, more Victorian!

Alanna said...

hehe, Kanye. seriously, send her the book.