Thursday, November 11, 2010

American Splendor 2: The Reckoning

So the picture of the stalled Carnival cruiseship, the Splendor, being towed into port is certainly a good one -- and there's nothing wrong with the cable networks milking it for all it's worth.

What's really annoying, though, is that you know that the second the passengers on-board the ship clear the gangplank and step onto dry land, they're gonna be descended on by reporters from every media outlet in the United States -- all of whom will breathlessly pelt these people with the kind of questions that make it seem as if they've just come out of a Chilean mine after 69 days.

As if, after a couple of days at sea with no power on a luxury-liner, it turned into Lord of the Flies-style savagery, with horny college kids beating pensioners to death with the arms of slot machines, then eating them for sustenance. Like the clean-up crews are gonna board the ship and find that the dark interior state room hallways look like what the Colonial Marines found at Hadley's Hope in Aliens.

If nothing else, it'll be entertaining.


kanye said...

What's really going to make this special is the amount of video coming from the ship. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if there's 2000 video cameras on board.

We're going to be privalaged to a bird's eye view of the passenger's inevitable slide into Lord of the Flies-like behavior: The gangs of roaming thugs, each seeking to assert their dominance; strangers coupling in the hallways at the drop of a hat, convinced these moments are to be their last on Earth; whispers of Donner Party-like behavior coming from the lower decks.

Now that I think about, maybe Carnival should start offering this as a regular cruise. The Escape from New York package.

Anonymous said...

Just another healthy dose of "Who gives a fuck" for the unwashed masses.

Chez said...

And every amateur fame-seeking Richard Henne-come-lately who shot and narrated his own documentary specifically with the intention of selling it to some outlet.

CNNfan said...

Pirate Translation:

Arr, me bucko, do nay be a squiffy, and a bottle of rum!

Floatin' around, went t' Davy Jones' locker, dead in t' waterrr, and a bottle of rum!

Viewers'll tune in like a school o' tuna, and a bottle of rum!

English Translation:

Oh my friend [Chez], don't be a bafoon. Floating around dead in the water. Viewers will tune in like a school of tuna.


Jester said...

If only reality TV had existed in the 1910s.

Dancing With The Stars, featuring Molly Brown!

Celebrity Apprentice, featuring J. Bruce Ismay!

The Bachelorette, featuring Madeleine Astor!

kanye said...

Wow...I really butchered the word "privileged".

I'd forgotten all about Richard Henne. We can only hope that it rises to that level.

Word Verification: fistr

Anonymous said...

What I want to know is if Carnival is paying anything for the supplies and the tow. I'd suspect they've got some kind of standing agreement where they pony up for assistance like this, in which case the military helping out is ok since they're being compensated. If not, then righteous outrage is fully warranted.

New Orleans of course is different since there was nothing tangible to reward government intervention. You know, other than saving lives. After all, it lead directly to the lowest point of W's presidency. Morons have feelings too, you know!

Jester said...

Carnival paid for both the supplies and their delivery.

Not a lot of people know this, but you can "rent" the U.S. military in a very few certain circumstances -- i.e., pay them for services rendered on your behalf -- and this is one of those circumstances. Another is for appearances in movies.

NoxiousNan said...

I agree Chez! They get extra vacation (and one more for the hopper) and all they have to suffer is warm beer? Just make it a lager!