Sunday, October 24, 2010

Men on Film

A transcript of the conversation Votar and I had on Facebook yesterday while having lunch:

Status Update: OK, so, beer and wings... and today's topic of conversation is (drum roll please): the name of the newly announced Top Gun sequel. Go!

Votar: Top Gun 2: Massive Ordnance Delivery Package

Votar: Top Gun 2: Someone Please Fight Us

Votar: Top Gun 2: Payload Specialists

Chez: Top Gun 2: Behind Enemy Lines... Or Just Behind the Enemy

Votar: Top Gun 2: Improvised Explosive Devices

Chez: Top Gun 2: Ass Sex!

Votar: Top Gun 2: The Butt Locker

Chez: Top Gun 2: Queer of Flying

Chez: Top Gun Re-load-ed

Votar: Top Gun 2: Weapons of Ass Destruction

Chez: Top Gun 2: Electric Buggerloo

Chez: Top Gun 2: Bugger Buster

Chez: Top Gun 2: Full Frontal Aggression (or in Military Lingo: FFAGG)

Chez: Top Gun 2: Wings of the White Swallow

Chez: Top Gun 2: Cum Again

Votar: Top Gun 2: Blowing Maverick

Chez: Top Gun 2: Extreme Homo Makeover

Chez: Top Gun 2: The Musical

Chez: Top Gun 2: Men in Tight

Votar: Top Gun 2: Sit in the Cockspit

Chez: Top Gun 2: Flame Out

Chez: Top Gun 2: Fire and Iceman

Chez: Top Gun 2: To Mav and Have Cock (too movie geekish?)

Votar: Top Gun 2: Goose Juice

Votar: Top Gun 2: Premature Ejection

Chez: Top Gun 2: You've Lost That Coming-on-My-Back Feeling

Chez: Top Gun 2: Butt Pilots

Votar: Top Gun 2: Hershey Highway To the Danger Zone

Votar: Top Gun 2: Timetable for Withdrawal

Chez: Top Gun 2: "That Faggoty White Uniform"

Chez: Top Gun 2: If We Stop Having Man-Sex, the Terrorists Win

Votar: Top Gun 2: InsemiNation Building

Votar: Top Gun 2: Negative Ghostrider, the Sphincter is Full

Votar: Top Gun 2: Leave the Comedy To the Professionals


CNNfan said...

Top Gun 24 ✈ years later.
Top Gun 21 ✈ twenty first century.

Top Gun 16 ✈ years old… Chez was when he first saw it… Still acting like it for the sequel…¹

¹ ☞ Just kidding!

kanye said...

Top Gun 2: Don't Ask...Don't Tell.

Top Gun 2: The Return of Penny Benjamin.

Top Gun 2: Going Ball*istic.

Top Gun 2: Flyanetics.

Top Gun 2: Flying High on the Down Low.

Top Gun 2: Keepin' it Reel.

Top Gun 2: Switching to Missiles.

Top Gun 2: Back to the Cockpit.

Top Gun 2: The Iceman Cometh.

Anonymous said...

This could be my estranged husband and any of a number of his friends. *sigh* Guys!

Chez said...

Top Gun 2: Put It in My Hurt Locker

Or maybe just...

Top Gun 2: The Spurt Locker

Chez said...

By the way, believe it or not I've never seen this movie from start to finish. I always kinda thought it was crap -- even when I was a teenager. But before anyone goes thinking that I had refined tastes even at a young age, The Secret of My Success is still one of my all-time favorite movies.

Doc said...

Gosh, we're all looking forward to your nigger jokes next!

Chez said...

Aw, did I offend your fragile sensibilities, Doc?

Anonymous said...

Electric Buggerloo nearly made me snort out my coffee. Thanks!

Brandon said...

Chez, your Few Good Men reference made me think:

Top Gun 2: With your Harvard Mouth

So far, the win goes to kanye with the DADT reference.

Anonymous said...

I wasn't even halfway through the list when I my laughter turned into a coughing fit!

Doc, I suggest decaf and a laxative.

Doc said...

As a gay man, yes a bit. I'm not quite a fragile flower but I didn't find it one bit funny.

I know you guys are just joking but some jokes between friends are best left there.

Chez said...

Fair enough, Doc. But I think I've made my thoughts and feelings on gay issues -- real issues, not this nonsense -- pretty clear. A joke is a joke and as you know there's very little that's off-limits around here. Incidentally, not to sound like Seinfeld or anything, but at no point did either of us say that there's anything wrong with being gay, just that Top Gun is, well, really homoerotic. And what makes it so ripe for humor is the fact that it bills itself as this tough guy movie and it's really anything but. That's why it's inherently funny -- because it's the most "closeted" gay movie in history (or the most subversive pro-gay film ever made).

Anyway, now that I've explained the joke...

Anonymous said...

Top Gun: Big Guns

Jester said...

Top Gun 2: It Helped Recruiting Last Time, Damn It

Top Gun 2: Way More Product Placement This Time
(volleyball provided by Wilson, underwear provided by CK)

...and, at the risk of offending Doc:

Top Gun 2: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Chez said...

Somebody suggested Top Gun 2: Flying Seaman

And of course, Top Gun 2: Feltch Lives

CNNfan said...

Here's a heterosexual joke...

How about: Topless Gun ?

Doc said...

Oh, I appreciate your truly eloquent writings in support of recognition of same-sex marriage, gay rights, etc. I do not think of you as homophobic at all nor would every accuse you of being one. You are definitely on the right side sir.

I can take a good gay joke as well as the next queer. It takes far more than this to get my panties in a twist. The post just struck a bad chord to me and it seemed more out of character with your other writings. In the long run, no harm, no foul.

Maybe I'm just dreading what the fucking republicans are going to gay bash with once they get control and the pussy democrats kowtow to it all. Just gets a little tiring and disappointing.

/vent :)

Chez said...

I definitely get your point. Obviously, no real offense intended.

slouchmonkey said...

Top Gun 2: Feltch Lives had me at hello.

Anonymous said...

Top Gun 2: Bottoms up

Bottom Gun

Top Gun 2: The spanking

Top Gun 2: The coin slot

Top Gun 2: Pants on the ground