Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Quote of the Day


"Your honor, I think you really need to look at the big picture here -- not at what Miss Lohan hasn't done, but at what she has accomplished."

-- Shawn Chapman Holley, lawyer for Lindsay Lohan, employing the rarely effective "Hoover Defense" first used in the case of Faber College v. Delta Tau Chi, 1962

19 comments:

dick_gozinia said...

In her defense, Lindsay didn't give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor either.

Anonymous said...

So what are Lindsay's accomplishments? I dont think being a celebutwat counts for anything these days. Maybe she should just fade away into that crack-whore ditch of obscurity.

Wait...........Who?

Oo! Shiny thing!............I'm out!

VOTAR said...

Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether Lindsay broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with her party guests - she did. But you can't hold an age old tradition of whoring responsible for the behavior of one sick twisted individual. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole system of talentless party sluts? And if the whole system of talentless party sluts is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our entertainment institutions in general?

I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to her, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

Mas Triste said...

Judge: Counselor, do you have anything you would like to add on behalf of your client?

Lawyer: Your Honor, I think you really need to look at…

Judge: Oh,… and counselor please remember that it is your credibility on the line as well as your client’s

Lawyer: Nothing further, your honor.

Eric said...

In all fairness to Lohan's lawyer, and having been in similar shoes on behalf of far-less-rich-and-famous people, sometimes defense attorneys know we're shoveling horseshit, but it comes with the territory of being a professional horseshit shoveler.

I believe I once argued in a District Court misdemeanor trial that a client accused of shoplifting from the meat aisle of a convenience store simply didn't have pockets nor did the store offer their patrons baskets. I mean, what the hell, it wasn't like we had a defense and my guy had a constitutional right to plead not guilty and have a trial and that's what he wanted to do. You work with what you've got, even when what you've got is nothing.

It's possible that what Lohan's lawyer really wanted to say was, "Your Honor, after busting my ass to secure a favorable sentencing arrangement for my client, the dumb bitch fucked it up. After I heard about it I spent fifteen minutes in my office with my door closed and my head in my hands because, goddammit, it was a sweet deal and I was pretty proud of myself when we set it up. And I sat down with Lindsay and spent a damn hour telling her not to fuck it up. And now we're here. I realize your honor wants to give her ninety days, but I'd ask you to reconsider and make it six months."

Yep. You have no idea how easy criminal defense would be if we could figure out a way to do it without the frickin' clients.

Anonymous said...

And most recently...
that a Roman toga party was held...
from which we have received...
two dozen reports
of individual acts of perversion...
so profound and disgusting...
that decorum prohibits listing them here.
These are the charges
as recorded this day...
15 November, 1962.
Faithfully submitted...
Douglas C. Neidermeyer...
Sergeant at Arms.

kanye said...

"Your honor, I'd like to explain my behavior in song."

Once I had a cherry,
then I took the bone.
Once I had a cherry,
and now it's all gone.

I had a lesbian lover,
who'd rather spin records than me.
At least I can take comfort,
in not being Tara Reid.


Bang***Boom***Smash!!

"Sorry."

C said...

Let the bitch rot for 90 months. She might get a little life experience, and her acting would almost have to improve (wouldn't it...)

Robert said...

Perhaps we should all together go and have a good look and listen to Craig Ferguson's piece posted somewhere on this blogspot and on YouTube then pray
that someone who really fucking knows what they're doing goes and 12th-steps this girl who obviously has no fucking idea of what's wrong with her.

Dan Coyle said...

You see the footage of Lohan reacting, and get the feeling her lawyer just would like to pretend Lohan's not in the room.

Thomas B said...

I like that she painted "Fuck U" on one of her fingernails.

DNA Cowboy said...

No words! No words! Let's just savor this moment...

Tabi said...

I wish TMZ got video of her getting punched by that waitress.

Happy Birthday, LiLo, here's a fist to your face, and 90 days in he slammer.

Jester said...

Yeah, the footage is hysterical. The lawyer is every bit as much of a douche as her client. The best part is when the judge asks her a simple yes or no question about releasing the program records, the lawyer answers in 45 seconds of legalese, and the judge replies "OK, all of that is very interesting, but are you objecting to the release of the records, yes or no?"

I'd like to think that someone finally got through to LL, but I kind of doubt it.

It's incredibly sad in a way because she is, or at least was, rather talented and had a lot of potential.

Donal said...

It seems to me that in this country we have a privileged class, and a thinks-they-are-privileged class.

I missed The Parent Trap remake, but saw her in that Herbie movie and she was OK, and her Marilyn pix were cute, but what has she really accomplished in her career?

Le Penseur said...

Her expression in the picture is all like, "This is bullshit! I can't believe I put on underwear for this!"

the medic said...

The lawyer was hoping for double secret probation as the outcome.

Anonymous said...

what'd she actually do that got her there?
(I refuse to google a celebrity name)

Alanna said...

the ants go marching one by one hurrah, hurrah...