Sunday, June 13, 2010

Quote(s) of the Day


"It doesn't matter how you try to sell it to us, it doesn't matter how many celebrities you get, it doesn't matter how many bars open early, it doesn't matter how many beer commercials they run, we don't want the World Cup, we don't like the World Cup, we don't like soccer, we want nothing to do with it... I hate it so much, probably because the rest of the world likes it so much, and they riot over it, and they continually try to jam it down our throat."

-- Glenn Beck

Yup. And even if it weren't a spectacular sport, I'd probably love it specifically because provincial boobs like Beck hate it so much.

"Don't tease the panther."

-- Internet-meme-destined bit of wisdom from Glenn Beck's new novel, The Overton Window (because The Something Something, You Know, Like Robert Ludlum would've been too obvious)

40 comments:

Chris said...

Well said Chez. I'd also watch it to see our keeper fail spectacularly again in our game against the US!

Chez said...

I'm shocked Green is still alive this morning.

C said...

Sorry, but soccer is a huge bore. I don't care about Glenn Beck or his doucheosity, soccer will never appeal to my need for instant gratification. How can you like a game where a tie (sorry a draw) is a good thing? Wake me when it's over for another four years.

CNNfan said...

Glen could have just said,
"It doesn't matter
how you try to sell it to us,
or how many,
celebrities you get,
bars open early,
beer commercials they run,
we don't want the World Cup,"

MJG said...

I hereby nominate "Teasing the Panther" as the new slang term for Masturbation.

Sheriff Bart said...

What the fuck is with soccer this year? Why is everyone making such a huge goddamn deal about the world cup? Has soccer suddenly gotten more awesome in the last 12 months? If so, nobody fucking told me.
Fuck soccer.
I'm off to tease the panther.

A Bowl Of Stupid said...

"Sorry, but soccer is a huge bore."

Yeah, cuz baseball is just SOOO fuckin exciting. At least the footy players actually do something.

Anonymous said...

I care nothing at all about soccer, but I wish we(the US) would win the World Cup. Just for the fact that it would piss off the rest of the world that 90-95% of our population wouldn't give a shit.

aaron said...

Baseball<Soccer<Hockey

I can watch grass grow, or see grown men get hit in the face and instantly start writhing in pain clutching their knee, or a sport with speed, strength, finesse, and skill. Sadly, since summer = hockey deprivation season, I'll be watching the World Cup because it's such a big deal worldwide, but that won't stop me from making fun of it!

That said, Beck's showing his true colours - all he does is spew various forms of hate. I'll also watch soccer as a symbolic "up yours" when I'm not teasing the panther.

Nick said...

all sports are for gay persons.

Sue said...

Glenn Beck seems curiously obsessed with people "shoving" things "down our throats". He talks about it all the time. He seems pretty focused on having things shoved down his throat. I'm in no way implying he's somehow closeted and repressed. It's just an observation.

Bill Orvis White said...

Sorry Chez but Glenn is right as usual. Only elitist latte-sipping folk try to show off how much they care about soccer. I don't think those fools even like it that much. They're just trying to show off that they're better than Real America. Soccer is for dumb, blood-sucking Secular Europe. Plus, it was created by Godless homosexuals who "like to kick balls on the ground all the time." Do you see the connection now, Chez? "Balls on the ground?" Am I the only one here who is smart enough to point this out? Just remember, I won't be around to save you when the jihadists come for you.

Deacon Blue said...

I really haven't bothered with watching organized sports much in years, but here's my take:

I don't understand how, in a nation where basketball is so popular, soccer/futbol is so reviled.

They are both games with a ball, and dribbling, and very strict rules about handling the ball, as well as strong rules about the limitations of physical contact with one another.

The biggest difference is that a court is smaller than a field, and it's harder to stop a guy from scoring with no goaltender and the ball being handled by hand...so more scoring goes on in basketball.

In my mind, soccer is simply basketball using the feet, and no ENOUGH scoring going on...and basketball is soccer using the hands, with TOO MUCH scoring going on.

Shannon from Saskatoon said...

When the "audience" doesn't agree with or pay undivided attention to a narcissistic control freak, out comes the big pout, the heartbreaking trembly lip.

The lashing out includes the enraged childish rhetoric, the "shoving" "down throats" of the pitiful, self-absorbed brat-holes who are used to doing the shoving.

Glenn Beck hurts real hurt when he can't be in the crowd of winners. So he screws up his little fists and flings himself into a tantrum.

Alanna said...

Soccer rules. That is all.

Fifth Generation Leftist said...

Heath care, soccer-why is it the Right Wing is always describing something as being rammed, shoved, jammed down their throats?

Anon said...

Soccer isn't in the Summer Olympics, and given it *is* the biggest sport worldwide, you'd figure one of these faux patriots like Beck would want to see Team USA kick butt.

Lord knows I do - and besides, it's one of the most physically demanding sports out there. There's no play stops, no commercial breaks. Players have to run near 7 miles per game. I guess Beck prefers professional couch potato-ing?

Anonymous said...

http://www.phillyburbs.com/news/news_details/article/163/2010/june/13/the-problem-with-soccer.html

Exhibit A.

Roket said...

OMG. Is our children playing soccer?

L. said...

I don't get it. Why is it America has a mega-boner for hockey (which is soccer on ice) but they all claim soccer is boring?


Also, you've got to love the whole 'fuck the rest of the world, America doesn't care about this thing so it's stupid' attitude. Because yes, our great country of obese Walmart shoppers is the be-all end-all of good taste.

Tabi said...

Seriously, people, how is a sport like soccer which requires extreme stamina, skill and strength "boring"? These guys take balls to the face (no pun intended) and KEEP ON GOING. Tough sons-of-bitches, those soccer players are.

To me, the beloved game of football is painstakingly lame. Stop and go, stop and go, stop and go, pile on top of each other,kick the pigskin, then stop and go again. God forbid one of those meatheads breaks a nail under all of that padding, we get to stop the game for fifteen minutes to watch him curl up in a fetal position and cry on the field. Ugh.

SteveR said...

The majority of Americans only like sports they think they invented. Hence the dislike for soccer.

ntx said...

I've wondered for a long time why footie is played the world over by many, many more millions than play any other sport. Now I know that it has been a centuries-long conspiracy to irritate American assholes.

GOOAAALLL!
GOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL!
GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!

Trixi said...

Agreeing with Allana; soccer rules. The World Cup is an amazing event...especially for people who aren't raging xenophobes like Glenn fucking Beck.

Fungi said...

Sorry, but any sport that lasts 90 minutes and ends in a 0-0 tie is a WASTE OF MY TIME.

J. Dack said...

He's so clever. Oh, let's appeal to the Nascar/NFL crowd by saying how much I hate that 'faggy euro trash crap.'

Then he probably saunters off the set and eats a croissant and has a machiatto.

Marsupialus said...

Who is Glenn Beck?

Michael said...

For people who think soccer is boring just pretend each goal is worth 6 points.

Capt Aclow said...

There's one reason a lot of Americans don't like World Cup Soccer, and that's because America isn't #1 at it.

There's a simple solution: Just let us win this year, plain and simple. Next year, ad revenue will be off the charts.

We much prefer our world series' to be like baseball... where we're the only country that plays.

Tracer Bullet said...

Pfft. At any given point in a soccer game, about three guys actually accomplishing anything and the rest are standing around smoking cigarettes or collapsing to the ground with phantom injuries.

Imaginista said...

I think the real reason Glenn Feck hates soccer is because little Mexican children are good at it.

Kevin Davis said...

Halfback passes back to the wing, wing passes back to the center. Holds it...holds it... holds it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noOHdTQd6H8

C said...

Sorry Soccer fans Fungi nailed it. It has nothing to do with the athleticism, I like to play soccer, it is a sweet workout. The players are great athletes. But watching it is boring. It has nothing to do with being a Xenophobe. Hockey is played on ice, on razor sharp skates, and the rink is small enough that something can occasionally happen. I love Australian rules football, and yes there is actually scoring that goes on in it! Some sports are just not spectator friendly. If the highlight reel for an entire game can be run in less than 30 seconds, it is not fun to watch.

Kevin Davis said...

Honestly, regardless of my personal feelings about soccer, I hate that we're at the point where Glenn Beck says something stupid and the whole country talks about it.

Fungi said...

For the record, I am a HUGE sports fan. I couldn't live without hockey & baseball. I tried watching soccer during the '94 World Cup, it put me to sleep. I was told the same things as mentioned above: soccer is like hockey but on grass. NO. No it is not. Please do not insult the game of hockey like that. Over the years the NHL has tweeked the game of hockey to appeal to more viewers. They have made the game faster and more exciting. The removed the red line, limited the goalies area to roam, etc. Aside from a glowing puck, each improvement has made the game more enjoyable. Soccer has done nothing. The games are too long, the field is too big, there isn't enough scoring. A 0-0 tie for something as big as the World Cup isn't going to cut it. Maybe the MLB, NBA, NHL & NFL should set up leagues in other countries and run them right. Let that happen for 10 years and lets see if the rest of the world still feels the same about soccer.

FabMax said...

Wait! You like baseball, a game which takes up whole afternoons and longer, but not football (and it's football, not soccer, you heathens!)?

Btw, the NFL tried an european league. It' success was pretty mediocre. I happen to like American Rugby, though. :D

Also, we have all kinds of sports over here: Basketball, field hockey, ice hockey, handball, and so on. Handball is pretty big here in Germany, basketball in Greece and Spain, and ice hockey in Russia and the Scandinavian countries. But football just takes the cake.

Maybe we Europeans like the suspense in waiting for something to happen, whereas most USAmericans need the instant or constant gratification of scoring. Maybe it's that football just balances a flowing game with recognizable strategies and tactics, while ice hockey or basketball are too fast and chaotic for us, and American rugby to slow. Generally speaking, of course.

I don't know.

Fungi said...

FabMax- it took me a while to really understand the game of baseball. On the surface, it seems long & boring, I'll give you that. But, the more I watched, the more I understood it. It's a like a chess match. The way the lineups are ordered vs. the pitcher. How to play each hitter in the field. Certain pitchers only pitch to lefties and so on. Baseball is a game of numbers (stats). Each and every player changes their stats with every hit. It's pretty amazing when you stop to think about it.

Like I said, I tried watching soccer. Maybe I don't fully understand it. But I do understand this: to end a game 0-0 wasted not only my time, but everyone invovled.

C said...

Hey FabMax, NFL Europe was basically a minor league for the NFL. It had no stars and was intended as a developmental league. The fact that it failed isn't surprising in the least. At current count soccer fans: 28 teams have played (14 games mind you) and 23 goals total have been scored. Even my ADHD American sports brain can figure out that's not even a goal per team. Snooze fest. And what's up with the horns?

FabMax said...

It's the same for football, really. Understanding which ways the players could go, and watching if they do it. One-stop-pass series where the team members disassemble the opponent's defense. Far shots on the goal. Goalies flying high for the save.

As for the results: I agree that games without goals tend to be a bit boring. But I watched a few that where the tension was so thick you could cut it. Just the ball wouldn't find it's way into a goal. I don't consider that a waste of time.


I understand baseball. I just don't want to watch it, because it takes too long. That's where I'd feel I wasted time.

I wouldn't say it is like chess. In chess, there's more movement. American football is more like chess, I think. Football would be like an real-time-strategy game. Everything is in motion.

Jeremy said...

Beck hates something just because most of the rest of the world loves it. Imagine that.