Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Quote(s) of the Day

"I would expect the ideas that come out of this web site and the involvement of our members will lead to ideas that we can attempt to implement today. We want to continue to offer better solutions to address the problems that America is facing, and we see this as a giant step forward, directly engaging the American people in the development of those solutions."

-- House Minority Leader John Boehner on the GOP's new "cutting edge" website "America Speaking Out," which solicits policy suggestions from average Republicans throughout the United States

"End Child Labor Laws. We coddle children too much. They need to spend their youth in the factories."

"How about if Congress actually do thier job and VET or Usurper in Chief, Obama is NOT a Natural Born Citizen in any way. That fake so called birth certificate is useless."

"A 'teacher' told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish! And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story."

"Don't let the illegals run out of Arizona and hide. . . . I think that we should do something to identify them in case they try to come back over. Like maybe tattoo a big scarlet 'I' on their chests -- for 'illegal'!!!"

-- Just a few of those suggestions so far


Riles said...

Get the fuck out of here. These are real comments left on the site?

We're doomed.

Che Grovera said...

Don't believe it, Riles? Our Chez is good but even his imagination has limits. Here's the very first thing I clicked through to (under the "American Values" Speak Out link on that website):

"All this talk of oil spill is just another liberal media propaganda. Has anyone even SEEN the oil? NO because it doesn't exist. The extreme left wing only wants you to have windmills powered by the cow f@rts, and oil is so bad or something. OIL COMES FROM YOUR SKIN, it can't be that bad. He||, you even fry your chicken fingers in it for crepes sake. great, now i need some chicken fingers."

This is beyond even Bill Orvis White's wettest dreams...

Paul POP! said...

Oh this is like the greatest source of comedy material on the planet. I LOVE the whale/dolphin/fish thing. I can almost heare in ow...
"Yes America, we created a law banning the use of the word Mammal. It's something we Republicans are proud of. We spent your tax dollars on that one instead of healthcare. Yes!"

Che Grovera said...

Holy hell, I have a new favorite website! Here's the NEXT random post I pulled out:

"we should make english the official language of the US and stop spending tax dollars on translations for mexicans! if english is good enough for baby jesus, its good enough for americans."

It's like Jack Handy for retards.

Izar Talon said...

Are you fucking serious?

Alanna said...

@the last "I" for Illegal comment - how Hawthorne-esque. Fucking dipshit.

VOTAR said...

If it can't swim in the ocean, IT'S A WITCH!!!!

TheReaperD said...

@Riles: Welcome to the new, improved republican party. The party has been hijacked by ideologues who use the wingnuts of the party to further their agenda. They have add about as much value to society as a rabid dog.

-- From a former republican

Eric said...

I think two of those are almost certainly jokes. Well... the one about child labor for sure. And maybe the one about whales. (It's a little too Herman Melville, don't'cha think.)

I really wanted to leave one of my own, actually--something about how we ought to replace abortions with tubes to grow babies in, f'r'instance, but I didn't feel like registering and probably didn't have anything clever enough to post anyway. But this is why the dumbest QOTD is actually Boehner's: nothing courts disaster like creating an anonymous public forum like this. Your best case scenario is that it gets overrun by pranksters--your worst case scenario, of course, is that you get "real" suggestions from complete retards....

Figgylicious said...

Oh my God, I love the internet.

I mean, look at that place. GO LOOK AT IT. It's full of glorious, ridiculous 'ideas' and it's so utterly beautiful. Sometimes you just have to thank heaven for internet trolls.

Aconite said...

Oh hell that place is HILARIOUS!

How many of those were yours? =D

Anonymous said...

And to think Art Linkletter died today! People ARE "funny"!

Busayo said...

The first one has to be a troll. End Child Labour Laws? That's a joke, right?


Anonymous said...

I liked PZ Myers' take on this (here), which is basically that yes, you can't take these as actual suggestions from Republicans, because there are no doubt other people messing with the site and making bogus suggestions. That said, the fact that it is virtually impossible to distinguish the actual crackpot ideas from the satirical and fake crackpot ideas says pretty much all you need to say about the state of right-wing thought at this time.

Anonymous said...

Ah, the gift that keeps on giving. Good grief. The stupid is making my head hurt.


Tuba Terry said...

I'm pretty sure a good majority of the comments are from trolls, but it's nearly impossible to separate them from the sincere ones.

More importantly: It takes an impressively (and probably purposely) out-of-touch group to put this together and not expect exactly what happened.

Kevin Davis said...


"I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!"
15 Total Votes

Besides that it looks like it's been basically hijacked by 4chan... I wish there were more unintentionally funny comments.

L. said...

Kevin Davis - That one's certainly a fake, I've seen it on other websites before (though that might have been your point). Still funny though.

Snath said...




Oh god, it's too much!

These morons keep spinning the very yarn they're going to hang themselves with. It's too good.

Anonymous said...

Earn a badge!! WTF?

Sheriff Bart said...

Anonymous for president.

ntx said...

Here's a good one!

My son is in the US NAVY nad told me something that shocked me! He said some of the people on his ship were democtrats. I think this should be against the law! NO DEMOCRATS IN THE US military! Before we let them take oath to defend there country, they should be require to prove that they never voted for a DEMOCRAT! I think these are public record the voting records are public so admirals and generls should be able to call up and find out if the people on their ship are traiters like this. Just my opinoin!

Anonymous said...

Based on some of these I'm seconding the hijacked by 4chan or some other group of internet pranksters. I'm waiting for one group to put forth the most insane nonsensical thing possible then rally everyone else to vote it up to "the number one issue facing America" or something.

I would honestly pay money to be a fly on the wall when an aide has to explain to some out of touch GOP lawmaker who only has a vague idea of what the internet is that the current leading issue on the site is people are concerned that Obama is a sleeper agent for the reptile people of Jupiter or something.

Eric said...

Like Figglicious said, thank heaven for little trolls. (Like what I did there?) Some other good ones:

Annex Canada and Mexico. Building wall across Guatemala will be easier and melting ice cap means Russians will have harder time with invasion.


I think all americans should bathe in Nuclear Waste. This has been shown to be an effective tactic in the past of transforming the human body into something more powerful and superhuman. With a nation of powerful mutants, not only would we prevent ourselves from being invaded, we would have a wildly powerful offense with millions able to fly, shoot lasers from their eyes and take bullets. Ninja Cats would still prove to be a problem.


Aramaic as the Official Language of the US. We do this to respect two facts: this is a Christian Nation and Jesus spoke Aramaic, therefore, that should be our language as well. Anyone who refuses to speak the language of our Lord should be deported back to where they came from. This includes the Native Americans.


Institute prayer in public schools. Make students bow down to Cthulu, the All Powerful, at the beginning of each school day. God may have put you into this world, but by golly, Cthulu is going to take you out of it!


My neighbor wears a towel on his head and he smells funny. Arrest him.


I would like to see a river of fire built between the US and Mexico. I would also like level 12 mages to guard the border just in case.


Somebody stole my bike even though I had a bike lock on it... Guess I should have spent the extra $7 for the deluxe one with the thicker chain. Dangit.


Yep, this site is awesome. Even if it is going to probably end up costing taxpayers money, it's probably worth it.

ntx said...

Can you imagine being the poor intern assigned to monitor this thing?

Gunny Geek said...

Comedy gold.