Saturday, May 22, 2010

Caption This Shit!

35 comments:

VOTAR said...

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,

We don't need no water,

We, the members of the Libertarian Party, challenge the cult of the omnipotent state and defend the rights of the individual... We hold that all individuals have the right to exercise sole dominion over their own lives, and have the right to live in whatever manner they choose, so long as they do not forcibly interfere with the equal right of others to live in whatever manner they choose... We support full freedom of expression and oppose government censorship, regulation or control of communications media and technology... We favor the freedom to engage in or abstain from any religious activities that do not violate the rights of others... We oppose government actions which either aid or attack any religion... We support the protections provided by the Fourth Amendment to be secure in our persons, homes, and property...

WOOP WOOP!

We affirm the right to keep and bear arms, and oppose the prosecution of individuals for exercising their rights of self-defense... We oppose all laws at any level of government requiring registration of, or restricting, the ownership, manufacture, or transfer or sale of firearms or ammunition... We oppose all controls on wages, prices, rents, profits, production, and interest rates... We advocate the repeal of all laws banning or restricting the advertising of prices, products, or services... We oppose all violations of the right to private property, liberty of contract, and freedom of trade... We oppose all government control of energy pricing, allocation, and production... We oppose any legal requirements forcing employers to serve as tax collectors... We support the passage of a "Balanced Budget Amendment" to the U.S. Constitution, provided that the budget is balanced exclusively by cutting expenditures, and not by raising taxes... We favor free-market banking, with unrestricted competition among banks and depository institutions of all types...

RAISE DA ROOF!

We support a halt to inflationary monetary policies, the repeal of legal tender laws and compulsory governmental units of account... We defend the right of individuals to form corporations, cooperatives and other types of companies based on voluntary association... We seek to divest government of all functions that can be provided by non-governmental organizations or private individuals... We oppose government subsidies to business, labor, or any other special interest... We oppose government-fostered forced retirement... We support the right of free persons to associate or not associate in labor unions, and an employer should have the right to recognize or refuse to recognize a union... We oppose government interference in bargaining, such as compulsory arbitration or imposing an obligation to bargain...

WOOP WOOP!

We favor restoring and reviving a free market health care system... We recognize the freedom of individuals to determine the level of health insurance they want, the level of health care they want, the care providers they want, the medicines and treatments they will use and all other aspects of their medical care, including end-of-life decisions... We favor replacing the current government-sponsored Social Security system with a private voluntary system... We support the maintenance of a sufficient military to defend the United States against aggression... We oppose any form of compulsory national service... We support the removal of governmental impediments to free trade...


Who'da thunk the Libertarian platform could be so sexy?

hannah said...

My ego is this much longer than my cock.

riles said...

"I bet Maddow's penis is this big. "

"The blacks must keep at least this far away from me."

"My daddy came this close to blowing Bruno."

Anonymous said...

i don't know what kind of 'doctor' he is... but i'm guessing PROCTOLOGIST?

Benny said...

Everything said between my fingers is bullshit.

paleotectonics said...

"I've seen Saturday Night Fever. See, that club discriminated for Italians, and even though I wouldn't go there, they should be allowed!"

motheralex said...

He had always wanted to direct the choir.

QuickBrownFox said...

I've found Rand Paul's Kryptonite to kill his Republican support! Ask him if he thinks the government should be able to regulate who gets married -- immediately followed by a question on Gay Marriage!

Oh yeah, the caption should say: "I am thiiiiiis far away from sanity."

kanye said...

"I once caught a non-DNR managed, completely privately hatched and reared fish thi-i-i-s big."

The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain*.


(1) And by pain, I mean socialism.

"In other news, Rand Paul announced earlier today that he would be joining The First Lady, Michelle Obama, as a national co-spokesperson for the Howard Johnson chain of hotels and inns."

toastie said...

Growing up in Texas, we had the white Woolworth's...and then the other white Woolworth's.

CNNfan said...

Pull my fingers!

JW said...

('scare quotes')

"When I say I'm 'against socialism' what I mean is that I want to keep getting taxpayer money from Medicare for my practice, but I don't want the government to make me take 'black customers.' "

ntx said...

I think the way people keep picking on those priests -- telling them what they can and cannot do in their spare time -- is just un-American.

William Bailey said...

"Rand Paul attempts to count number of brain cells on one hand."

countryjoe said...

Here is your next quote of the week.

Andy Borowitz
Poll: Rand Paul Surges Ahead of Palin Among Voters Who Describe Themselves as Morons

Ryan said...

He's giving Palin the 'signal' for this

KOKORO said...

If I stick both fingers up my ass, it stops the words from coming out.

thegoonshow said...

Light can freely between two points, specifically these two points.

oskar said...

Objectivist goatse.cx

Kevin Davis said...

I'm still laughing from Riles' Maddow comment. I think that's the winner.

Alanna said...

Ha, Kanye - the first thing I thought was Kanye's quote from DMB.

Milton said...

"i'm trying to make the devil sign but i forgot how".

Sheriff Bart said...

The Georgetown placekicker's going to do what now?

Sheriff Bart said...

While you're all looking up here, my balls are in the punch bowl.

Sheriff Bart said...

Yes, I may need to get some sun, but this is still the bluest fucking tie you'll ever see.

Sheriff Bart said...

I've never fucked a ten but one night I fucked two ones.

Sheriff Bart said...

Who knows how many black people we can get into space? Maybe all of em.

Sheriff Bart said...

About to push the red self-destruct button.

Sheriff Bart said...

HANDJIVE!

Sheriff Bart said...

Oh no I di'int!

Sheriff Bart said...

Marcel Marceau has nothing on me.

Sheriff Bart said...

Kentucky clown loses balloons; makes children cry.

Bill Orvis White said...

"Bill Orvis White's snake gets to this size whenever he gets lust in his pants."
-The Honorable Senator Rand Paul, (R)Kentucky
May 19, 2010

Mr. Controversy said...

Warning: Credibility Gap may appear larger in photographs.

Alanna said...

oh BOW you've shown your cards!

Im still trying to think of something clever with the MC Hammer song "2 Legit" But I got nuthin. Too much alcohol consumed this weekend.