Thursday, April 01, 2010

The Spy Who Shoved Me


The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Unless of course you're a tea bagger, in which case the shortest distance between two points is a complex conspiracy engineered by your political adversaries, obviously.

It only makes sense that the tea bagging army wouldn't understand the concept of Occam's Razor, being that a razor is, you know, sharp. So with that in mind, let's just throw it out to the masses: What's more likely, that there are some within the tea bagger ranks (exactly how many isn't the issue) who are rotten, callous, racist sons-of-bitches -- or that the people who've been caught on camera and by reporters taunting a sick man, shouting "nigger" and "faggot" at U.S. lawmakers and spitting on one particular black congressman, and preaching armed revolution and generally violent behavior are, in fact, enemy double agents working to embarrass the Tea Party's good name?

This latter theory, as dubious and potentially detached from reality as it is, has been bandied about on the right for the past few weeks -- but now professed libertarian Lew Rockwell has decided to get in on the action:

"Recent Tea Party people who allegedly denounced a Parkinson’s patient or spat at gay and black congressmen might well have been agents. Offensive signs might be Made in DC too. Next might come calls for violence by alleged Tea Party types, and perhaps acts, which can be used to suppress dissent. Peaceful resistance is not only right, it is all that works, unless you are with the state. If anyone urges the use of violence, the state’s characteristic action, he is probably an agent."

Rockwell is a fan of Ron Paul -- which should surprise no one since he's obviously willing to buy into outlandish conspiracist nonsense without a shred of evidence.

As for the theory that the baggers' rabble are actually left-wing moles, Cesca has a good take on that: "And they might also have a tiny alien pilot in their heads. The galaxy is on Orion's belt! Look for a small marble or a jewel!"

Sure it's outright mockery -- but does this kind of thinking really deserve anything else?

9 comments:

kanye said...

The Rockwell quote is out of context. He's not referring to enemy double agents, but rather government agents that he expects are currently infiltrating these movements, à la COINTELPRO or Operation Mockingbird.

I don't agree with Lew Rockwell very often but, on this subject, history is on his side.

Kevin Davis said...

Another "agent of the left".

(I swear it's not Justin Bieber this time.)

Aconite said...

If there was every any doubt that the socialscape of Orwellian Oceania is real and exists outside of the book, one need only to look at what's happening here for it to dissolve.

We are at war with Eastasia. We have always been at war with Easasia. And anyone who ever claimed otherwise were actually ENEMY SPIES!

Al said...

...and except for the fact that the guy that mocked the Parkinson's patient actually admitted to and apologized for his actions that day.

Steven said...

No evidence exists that any of the embarrassments to the tea party are actually "double agents."

That said, we aren't talking about a mutually exclusive situation. It isn't an either/or circumstance.

In fact, I would say it's logical to believe that both real racists and plants have existed at tea party rallies. To what degree, I don't know.

Sheriff Bart said...

The dow continues to rise with tin foil shares blasting their way toward the top of the market.

Le Penseur said...

When Russia was a monarchy the tsar's intelligence service would often plant agent provocateurs in dissident political organizations in order to bring them down. However, I doubt the Tea Baggers are considered such a threat by our government that they would resort to such underhanded tactics.

James Yonkman said...

While I think the majority of the teabaggers are crazy dipped nutter butters, those types of tactics have been used in the past. COINTELPRO is a prime example. Plants have been used to subvert opposing political ideology as long as there has been recorded history. To think it is not being used in this day and age is a little naive.

Kevin Davis said...

Okay people. Comparing COINTELPRO to the implicit suggestion that the Obama administration is secretly planting left-wing loons is, I'm sorry to say, fucking retarded. Yes those tactics have been used in the past. But the Tea Party is almost exclusively made up of overtly batshit members.

In other words, why hire someone to make them look stupid when they do such an amazing job themselves... unless you think the entire Tea Party movement are double agents secretly working for Obama.

One caveat, however:

When I was a reporter in Texas, I covered a Tea Party in Waco. The other stations sent reporters who went and got their two SOTs then bailed, but I stuck around and saw a protester with a sign that was just way too offensive to be real. He looked relatively young and "liberalish" and so I went up to him and said "nice sign." He looked at me and we both smiled. I asked him if he wanted to do an interview in character and he did. So I asked him questions, to which he out-Colberted it and the funniest thing happened: he drew a large crowd who cheered with everything he said. He totally made them all look like jackasses and they didn't even realize it. I later took him around the corner and interviewed him out of character, where he had a very civil and rational SOT that made it to air. This was the same rally that had Obama/Hitler posters and a bunch of other racist/xenophobic paraphernalia

My point being... there are some people out there who play pranks, but the Tea Party does not need any help shooting itself in the foot.

C'mon people. Seriously.