Saturday, April 24, 2010

Credit Where Credit Is Douche

You know how after an especially lengthy and difficult crap, the horrid stench can linger in the bathroom for what seems like hours? Well, Ben Silverman is a little like that for NBC; he's the post-nuclear-defecation stink that just won't go away. (If you followed this metaphor to its natural conclusion, Jeff Zucker would be the floater that refuses to be flushed.)

Case in point -- the fact that even now, almost a year after getting his worthless ass kicked to the curb by the Peacock, Silverman is the ongoing butt of all sorts of brilliant meta-mockery on 30 Rock.

See for yourself:

(If by some chance Hulu decides to become predictably temperamental and the video doesn't work, go here)

In honor of the fact that Silverman remains an epic example of who not to hire if you're attempting to run a successful television network, here are two of my favorite past mentions of him on this site:

"Quote of the Week" (Originally Published, 7.30.09)

"Its go time brother!!!!!!! Let’s rock it out!!!!!"

-- Ben Silverman's e-mail announcing his ouster as co-chairman of NBC Universal Entertainment

Jesus, even as he leaves the network he spent the past couple of years basically destroying from the inside out, he can't resist being a spectacular douche. Silverman's always been the ultimate example of failing upward -- the poster boy for an entire genus of preening idiots who somehow shuck-and-jive their way to the top but consistently fuck up everything they touch because, in reality, they don't have a shred of talent to back up all that megalomaniacal bluster. He's never been any better than the worthless Speidi-esque celebutards his programming has been based around and targeted toward -- and unfortunately, it took NBC going completely to hell for somebody to wise up and finally throw him out. Not surprisingly, though, Silverman's already landed a plum gig with Barry Diller over at IAC. Because it apparently will take literally burning an entire company to the ground for this fucking tool to finally lose that wholly undeserved "wunderkind" label.

"American Idiots" (Originally Published, 5.29.08)

I've been trying to find a way to include this in a more substantial piece, but really, about what? What could I possibly say about the larger implications of NBC's hyper-hyped and comically panderous "All American Summer" schedule that hasn't already been considered by anyone with an IQ over 40?

Every time I see another bombastic commercial for Nashville Star -- now inexplicably moved from, ironically, cable's "USA" network to NBC proper -- I have to fight the urge to throw something heavy at my television. If you've been fortunate enough to miss the full ads because all that flashing red, white and blue has caused you to go into an immediate epileptic seizure, they foist the likes of brand new Nashville Star host Billy Ray Cyrus (now with stronger blonde highlights) on you -- calling him "America's Dad," which would apparently make all 300 million of us untalented teenage tramps. Beyond that, NBC's motley collection of smarts-deprived shows includes American Gladiator, America's Got Talent (see a pattern developing here?) The Baby Borrowers -- the premise of which reads like a pro-abstinence counselor's wet dream -- and of course Celebrity Circus, which stretches the already tenuous definition of "celebrity" in our culture to new lengths by slapping the label on Antonio Sabato Jr., Stacey Dash from Clueless and that idiot Chris Knight (now in his second pop cultural resurrection, the reality of which officially and non-negotiably drops him back six or seven places into the realm of K-list has-beens).

If you're searching for someone to blame for the lowest-common-denominator "Foxification" of the Peacock's once-great primetime lineup, look no further than Ben Silverman, the co-chair of NBC Entertainment and NBC/Universal and the world's most successful overgrown frat-boy douchebag. Silverman is actually the executive producer of Nashville Star, hence why it's being moved up from NBC/Uni's farm league at USA to the majors in what would appear to be a trade for Law & Order: Criminal Intent and, one would imagine, two really shitty shows to be named later. The fact that Silverman is not only successful but has become so via the control of so much NBC programming is all the proof you need of both the existence and virility of pacts with Satan.

Back when I used to work for NBC, we made fun of the network's promotion for its summer rerun schedule; admittedly, the commercials which claimed that "if you haven't seen it, it's new to you" were worthy of a little bit of ribbing.

But I'll take four hours straight of ER reruns every night -- even in the show's present form -- rather than watch NBC resort to relying on Billy Ray Cyrus, Jerry Springer and David Hasselhoff to put asses in front of the TV. Literally.

1 comment:

BenoƮt from Ottawa said...

Completely off-subject (and how!) (You'll see.)

For Chez especially. Really, really different Americana.

(P.s., 3rd parag. bef. end contains such a kicker!) Credit to Fark