"Remember little Klaus from Munich? He just called a press conference."
Pope: A child has escaped?! RELEASE THE HOUNDS!!!!
" Your Holiness... you have a drible stain on your cassock."
"No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to swallow."
"CNN just called and asked for an interview. And since our numbers are about the same...."
"Holy Father, Xzibit is on the phone. He's asking if you wanted one plasma TV for the back of the new Popemobile-slash-ice cream truck, or two. He also said they couldn't find any Barney DVDs, but he did find the complete first season of Spongebob. They'll put it on permanent repeat."
Father Francis prepares to take the Holy seed.
"Father, I've just received notice that you've been banned from your annual 'Pope's Playtime Party at Chuck E. Cheese's'. I've rescheduled it at Dave and Buster's."
"Rise my friend.""The Death Star will be completed on schedule.""You've done well, Lord Vader. And now I sense you wish to continue your search for young Skywalker.""Yes, my Master.""Patience, my friend. In time, he will seek *you* out, and when he does, you must bring him before me. He has grown strong. Only together can we turn him to the Dark Side.""As you wish.""Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.""He will come to me?""I have foreseen it. His compassion for you will be his undoing. He will come to you and then you will bring him before me.""...A small rebel force has penetrated the shield and landed on Endor.""Yes, I know.""My son is with them.""Are you sure?""I have felt him, my master."
"People have figured out that there is no God. Oh, and they already know about the child-fucking."
"You cannot kill them with your mind, Your Excellence. Please put your hands down.""Your Eminence the numbers on our new after-school program....aren't good.""Sooooo...'fucked up royally' doesn't seem appropriate....'fucked up divinely', maybe? 'Papally'?""Sir, I have the GameFAQs walk-through for GTA4. You do have to save that hooker.""Sir, his name is Pazienza. the albinos are sealing with him as we speak."
"Your holiness...sticking your fingers in your ears and doing the lalala thing isn't going to work this time."
Once again, Votar FTW.
"Now, back in zee old days, I vas up to HERE in little altar boy's wienerschnitzel. And ZAY knew vhen to keep zere mouth's shut!""Your Holiness, the mic is on."
VOTAR fucking wins, man. But it ain't my blog.
"And it's called a 'Gorilla Mask,' you say?"
"But your Reverence, you said I could have this child!"
AIDE:"Sir, we've analyzed their attack, and there is a danger. Shall I have your ship standing by?"Popenfuhrer:"Evacuate? In our moment of triumph?! I think you overestimate their chances!"
"And it's called a 'Gorilla Mask,' you say?"A challenger appears.
I already concede defeat to Votar, but here's my attempt at 2nd place:Underling: "Sir, I really think we should address this whole boy-touching thing--"Pope: "No"Underling: "...sir?"Pope: "We managed to survive almost 2,000 years being arguably the most corrupt organization in human history. This...nuisance won't put a dent in us."Underling: "Um, okay. But about the current accused priests--"Pope: "I have ways around that. The Lord works in mysterious ways, you know."Underling: "So, you plan to sweep this under the rug, and in 20 years people will forget about it, and the Vatican will still be recognized as a sovereign nation? BRILLIANT!"Pope: "Most excellent. Now fetch me my Pradas."
"The Justin Beiber tickets have arrived. Yes, with a backstage pass. All Access.""Praise the Lord."
Doh. Jester on that pedophile/food aid caption.
"Your eminence? Jeffrey Dahmer is here. He says he can help solve our pedophile and African food aid problems at the same time."
Votar = <3
Sir, our PR people miscalculated big time!The left are NOT embracing you or dismissing the issue like they did Roman Polanski!
I’m sorry, sir, I’ve just been informed we are all out of your normal aperitif. However, we do have a wonderful new arrival... a six-year old Scot with a subtle aftertaste, the cutest little cowlick and – they say – a curious tongue.
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