Friday, April 23, 2010

Birther Defects


Score one for Anderson Cooper.

His subtle but none-too-direct verbal beat-down of Arizona State Senator Cecil Ash the other night was one for the books. In case you've been fortunate enough to have other things to do besides follow the daily bukkake of crazy coming from the right these days, Ash is one of several Republican lawmakers backing a measure currently making the rounds in Arizona (now officially known as "The Laughingstock State") to require that presidential candidates submit their birth certificates before running for office. For the record, Ash claims that this has nothing to do with him not thinking that, oh say, Barack Obama wasn't born in the United States; it would simply be put in place to allay any potential future controversies -- in other words, to allow the completely fucking detached from reality to ostensibly rest a little easier at night.

Needless to say, Coop managed to make short order of this guy without even breaking a sweat. It's easy when your opponent doesn't have a logical leg to stand on, I suppose.

ASH: Anderson, I think there's been a lot of controversy over the issue, created a division among a lot of people in the United States, for better or worse, many people don't believe he is a U.s. citizen, they believe he has divided loyalties, i suppose you could say.

COOPER: Right, but those people are wrong, he is a U.S. citizen.

ASH: You're telling me that he's wrong. I've never investigated that. If he is, he has nothing to fear.

COOPER: But I mean the information is out there, it has been released, it has been shown there are some people who don't believe it but there are also some people that believe the moon is made out of cheese. You can say you never investigated it but I think you would probably say the moon is not made out of cheese.

ASH: I certainly would.


And as incomprehensible as it sounds, that's really what it comes down to:

OBAMA WASN'T BORN IN THE UNITED STATES = THE MOON IS MADE OF CHEESE

24 comments:

Riles said...

I agree the birthers are NUTS. But, shouldn't we have a system in place somewhere to check credentials for gov't officials? Or is there one that I'm not aware of?

Chez said...

Oh of course, the thing is we already do -- it's just that the birthers refuse to believe that Obama's been properly vetted.

CNNfan said...

OBAMA WASN'T BORN IN THE UNITED STATES = [AS DIFFICULT FOR MOST PEOPLE TO PROVE AS] THE MOON IS MADE OF CHEESE.

Most people, but not all...

The moon is made [out of the same ordinary matter of the universe as that] of cheese.

My hero, Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, Astrophysicist, of the Hayden Planetarium, would be proud of me!





___________________________________________

Attention Secret Service, these comments are very stricly for the sake of entertainment. No offense to President Obama. So, please go knock on Anderson's door. He lives in a firehouse in NYC. Be careful of the holes in the floor where firehouse poles used to go.

Alanna said...

Next up: Is he circumcised?

Pea said...

Birther: Show me your birth certificate.
Obama: I already showed it to the proper officials, but here you go.
**Shows birth certificate**
Birther: I don’t believe it. Show me your other birth certificate. The one that proves that a black man can’t have been born in America.
Obama: Dude, that’s my only birth certificate.
Birther: Yeah, but show me the OTHER birth certificate. I know that only white men are born in America.
Obama: This is it. The only one. We’re a multi-cultural country.
Birther: BUT SHOW ME YOUR OTHER OTHER BIRTH CERTIFICATE. THE MOON IS MADE OF CHEESE, I TELL YOU.

** Obama walks away in disgust. Birther explodes in a spontaneous combustion of stupidity and rage**

Mark said...

Chez,

I rely on you to keep up with the right's craziness for me.

Anonymous said...

No-one tell these chucklefucks that while Obama's father is from Kenya, his ancestry can possibly be traced to Nigeria. Otherwise, they'd be screeching that not only is he illegal, he's going to steal all their money for a 419 scam.

Kevin Davis said...

Link to video.

Dan Coyle said...

I think the most interesting tell about all of this- even if it were true, it would only mean Obama wouldn't be President. Biden would take his place. They wouldn't rehold the election or draft McCain.

Anonymous said...

Even that's too subtle for these fucktards.

Anonymous said...

Riles, you point is well taken. Federal presidential elections are a mess as we all learned (or should have learned) after Bush v. Gore. Whether or not a person qualifies under the U.S. Constitution to run for U.S. president is monitored ONLY by individual state election commissions/agencies. That's right, the Katherine Harrises of the world. Whatever you think about the "birther people" this is a scarey legal situation - one that makes a Manchurian candidate all the more plausible.

Tabi said...

Why weren't they screaming about McCain being born in Panama?

countryjoe said...

It wouldn't matter if there was a video of Obama's mother giving birth on the USS Arizona memorial with Don Ho behind her helping push while singing "Tiny Bubbles". These asshats still wouldn't accept it.

Anonymous said...

Jon Klein already fired Lou Dobbs over this birther nonsense and now he is throwing Anderson Cooper into the debate? If this isn't a ratings ploy, I don't know what is. Now piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.

Oh and Anderson Cooper and his 'star' power have been over for about 3 years but Klein fucks him up the bum so he gets to keep his position, so to speak.

Mart said...

Senators (including Presidential contenders Obama and Clinton) voted to pass a resolution in April 2008 stating that McCain being born in a hospital outside the US controlled Panama Canal Zone did not effect his constitutional US citizenship requirement to be President. Nice to see how adults handle these issues. Course it probably helped him that his dad was not a scary African.

Kevin Davis said...

Anon:

The difference is AC actually did a good job about showing the facts that render the birther argument ridiculous, whereas Dobbs kept pulling the "I'm not saying he was born in Kenya, but he was born in Kenya."

Sheriff Bart said...

I don't see any problem with having to show your birth certificate if you want to be the President. I think you should also show your drivers license, a social security card and a water bill or an electrical bill or a telephone bill with your current address on it to verify residence.
It's the only way to be perfectly safe.
In fact, I believe every American citizen should keep these things on their person at all times. You know. Just to be perfectly safe.
I think Arizona has the right idea.
I welcome the age of "Show me your papers! Schnell!"
It's the only way I will ever feel perfectly safe.

Sheriff Bart said...

Schwarzenegger 2012!
WOOOOOOOO!

Puscifer10000 said...

Here's the thing about the "birthers" that they just don't seem to be able to wrap their teeny tiny little heads around.

HE'S IN THE WHITE HOUSE NOW!!! HE's THE PRESIDENT, GRAND POOBA, HEL-LLO!

Whatever they're working on to get him out of office, they best be getting down to it, doncha think?

Bill Orvis White said...

Chez, all they are asking is where the long form certificate is. Anyone drug thug in Hawaii can make up a birth certificate or driver's license and tell the newspapers that Lil Hussein was born at the local hospital. You have to remember that Hawaii was not a state at that time -- it was just friendly U.S. territory that was bombed by the Japs, so at that time, the mainland U.S. was hardly looking into internal Hawaiian affairs.
The real truth is, that Lil Hussein's mama and daddy were outside of Nairobi when the future-installed president popped out of his mama in a tribal tent. Then, the village danced around a campfire where they sang Muslim songs and called him Lil Hussein. No, they never could have imagined that he would one day, plant himself inside of the infidels world to engage in a global jihadist takeover.

Will B said...

What you call LaughingStock State, I call forward thinking. We may not be right about everything, but at least we're doing something.

Chez said...

Well that's a great argument, Will. We may not being doing something right -- but we're doing, ya know, something.

Anonymous said...

funny that Bill Orvis White robot talking about birth certificates and all....

Sheriff Bart said...

Will B's right, Chez. Doing something is much better than doing nothing. Why just last night I was walking down the street when I realized I wasn't doing much of anything. So I turned to the nice lady who was walking next to me and punched her in the face. Then I stripped naked, ran into the street and demanded of every cab driver who stopped to confirm the growth on my left testicle was the Japanese kanji for "Power".
The nice policemen who showed up gave me a place to sleep for the night even after I threw my feces at them. They even fed me the next morning.