Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Bad Language


***New "Ni Hao, Kai Lan 'Say It Two Ways'" Spot***
Distribution: Nationwide
Embargo: None
Mixed and Ready for Air: 4/14/10
Runs: 1:00
Kill Date: TBA
Property of Nick Jr.


Ni hao! My name is Kai Lan! Are you ready to learn Chinese? SUPER!

Let's begin!

This is a political activist!

Let's say it two ways!

In English, you say "political activist!" In Chinese, we say "enemy of the state!"

This is lead!

Let's say it two ways!

In English, you say "lead!" In Chinese, we say "toy!"

Now take a look at this! This is waterboarding!

Let's say it two ways!

In English, you say "waterboarding!" But in Chinese, we say "reeducation!"

What is this? This is air pollution!

Let's say it two ways!

In English, you say "air pollution!" In Chinese, we call it "sky kittens!"

Now look carefully at this! This is Mao Tse Tung!

Let's say it two ways!

In English, you say "Mao Tse Tung!" But in Chinese we say, under pain of death, "Great and Revered Supreme Leader Chairman Mao!"

What's this? This is Google!

Let's say it two ways!

In English, you say "Google!" In Chinese, we say -- well, nothing!

Okay, just one more!

This is a dog! Let's say it two ways!

In English, you say "dog!" In Chinese, we say "dinner!"

Thanks for playing with me today! See you soon!

***End Spot***

(Yeah, I know. I suck. You know the drill by now -- direct your complaints here.)

4 comments:

Alex said...

Isn't waterboarding actually "perfectly legal enhanced interrogation technique" here?

Anonymous said...

Are you high too?

Alanna said...

this is why I adore you!

Anonymous said...

My seven year old niece, who is half Chinese, is actually going to China this summer to learn more of the language. She is a zillion times smarter and more adorable than Kai Lan and should have her own show teaching kids to speak Chinese!!!