Sunday, January 17, 2010

Sunday Sacrilege 2: Lucifun

The following was a letter written to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune by Lily Coyle of Minneapolis in response to daffy bastard Pat Robertson's claim that Haiti had been plunged into misery because the Haitian people once made a pact with Satan:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan"

Satan, FTW.

(h/t Alert Reader Kevin)


Chris said...

Conservative Christian deacon at my wife's church was parroting Pat Robertson's nonsense at yesterday's service. He's lucky I wasn't attending otherwise I'd have called him out in the most public way possible. This is the same brainless moron who called Obama the Anti-Christ during the elections last year. Gotta love Texas.

Anonymous said...

To whoever wrote this:
Well done, good sir/madam.

And Re: Sunday Sacrilege:

waltNrichardson said...

that was funny as shit.
And I'm glad I found this blog from googling the Leno/O'Brien/NBC imbroglio.
Good stuff.

Chez said...

No, Chris, I don't.

revmuddswife said...

The letter is no longer anonymous . . and if I had a uterus, I'd bear her children.

Chez said...

Yeah, I just realized what a dick I was for not crediting the author of the letting. It's been adjusted in the copy.

Jim said...

"golden fiddle", HAHA!

Carolyn said...

there's also a Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll on eBay with proceeds going to the American Red Cross


Kyle said...

Seems like this idea has occurred to a few people. From last Friday's Hijinks Ensue webcomic (seriously, go check it out; well worth the punch line) :

And, get this, the guy making those comics is from... Texas. See, they're not all bad.