Thursday, December 10, 2009

Shit to Shore

Snooki Gets Tagged

I could watch this all day. Like, seriously, every minute of the day. I'm trying to get the GPS on my Blackberry to run this in a loop so that even while getting directions in my car I'll never miss a second of Snooki, the "Princess of Poughkeepsie," getting clocked in the face by some 'roid raged Guido who goes off on her like he was the Manchurian Candidate and there's a big Queen of Diamonds on her Ed Hardy hat.

As much as I hate reality TV, there's just no denying that MTV's Jersey Shore is special. It honest-to-God represents the final mile marker on the road to the end of Western civilization -- the nadir of the American empire and maybe the darkest hour of humanity itself. If this were Battlestar Galactica, the Cylons would nuke us all tomorrow morning just because of what Jersey Shore proves we've become: an irredeemably corrupt and immoral species that no longer deserves to live.

So, hey, kudos to you, MTV. You actually managed to somehow up the ante and find a group of people to build a show around even more subhumanly reprehensible than the cast of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.

37 comments:

Charly Gordon said...

To me, the best part is the fact that the drunken troglodyte is a New York City public school teacher:

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/jersey_shore_thug_is_nyc_gym_teacher_xQvp3WSFQk4TQhqwQjmJTL

Capt. Clown said...

That's frickin' felony assault, isn't it?

Yeah, I'd say considering all of MTV's programming over the last 5 years, that they've done more to hasten the fall of everything that is good than any other network or entity.

When you're watching a 1930's move about gangsters or a sexual show, there's a disconnect for the viewer.

But showing these guidos, "bad girls", rock & roll whores, and all the other shit they've got on that channel, there's no disconnect - Viewers identify enough that they're... not "role models", but that they have an affect.

Fuck MTV.

I know every generation says that the new generation is losing respect and that society's going to hell in a handbasket, bla bla bla, but...

Isn't it true this time?

Amanda said...

Call me sensitive, but the enjoyment people get from watching a woman being punched in the face is really disturbing. I'm so disappointed. I was such a fan of this blog.

Laugh away boys, I'm sure she "deserved" it.

Anonymous said...

I didn't realize that people watched MTV anymore.

Amanda said...

It's absolutely enchanting.

Alanna said...

this show just gives more credence for some fundamentalist to bomb the shit out of us. And this time I might agree. "Jersey Shore" is a call to arms for terrorism.

Anonymous said...

That's bloody disgusting shit. MTV should air an apology on air for that.

Anonymous said...

Jerk though she may be, watching a woman get punched in the face, especially over and over like that, makes me a little queasy.
Obviously you don't intend to glorify violence against women but...umm...yeah. I don't know. I feel like this crosses a line somehow. She's a real person under all that guidoness and she really got slugged, and she didn't seem to deserve it here. I'm just an anonymous person posting a comment to your blog, and I guess this comes across as sniping, and I honestly don't want to make accusations, but don't you think that this flirts a little too finely with the line between black humor/snark and misogyny?

Sheriff Bart said...

Amanda sure is sensitive.
This is only the beginning. This guy has been paired with Ángel Matos to do their own reality show where they punch and kick their way into other reality shows. First stop in season one is Housewives.
Check your local listings.

Kevin M. Hagerman said...

"Call me sensitive, but the enjoyment people get from watching a woman being punched in the face is really disturbing. I'm so disappointed. I was such a fan of this blog.

Laugh away boys, I'm sure she 'deserved' it."

--------

Anyone who appears on Reality TV DOES, indeed, deserve to get punched right in their fucking face.

You could have auditions for a reality show called You're Gonna Get Punched in Your Fucking Face and the line would go around the block.

Sheriff Bart said...

This may be the best video of a woman getting punched in the mouth ever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfD7agP1yxw

SteveR said...

And now for some meta: ever look behind the snark, Chez?

What does that and "anyone who appears on Reality TV DOES, indeed, deserve to get punched right in their fucking face" say about the decline of Western civilization?

Adam said...

As much as I detest reality TV, especially "Jersey Shore. I cannot in good conscience like this post.

The problem of violence against women is too serious to allow something like this to trivialise it. Even though listening to Snooki makes me feel like I am having my nails removed with pliers, no one deserves this.
All I can do is hope this Neanderthal is safely locked up in prison where he belongs.

em said...

I'm a huge feminist, and...I'm sorry, but if you sign up for some stupid show that basically reveals the pure stupidity behind your mere existence, then guess what? You might get punched in the face by some asshat with some roid rage. It comes with the territory, and no, that is not the same thing as saying someone "deserves" anything. That's kind of like a porn star getting an STD. Comes with the territory, and again, different than saying someone deserved it.

...and I'm pretty sure Chez wasn't saying the guy was exactly a prince charming when he said this--

"It honest-to-God represents the final mile marker on the road to the end of Western civilization -- the nadir of the American empire and maybe the darkest hour of humanity itself. If this were Battlestar Galactica, the Cylons would nuke us all tomorrow morning just because of what Jersey Shore proves we've become: an irredeemably corrupt and immoral species that no longer deserves to live."

That's equal opporunity hatred for the morons on this show. Don't think this post can be construed in a misogynist way, IMO.

brite said...

I wonder if Amanda and Anonymous would find it less disturbing if the person on the receiving end of that punch was male? If so, then I would suggest that they're not so much 'sensitive' to violence, but have a stick up their ass about violence against women.Violence is violence, regardless of gender, and, that said, I would probably feel just as queasy watching this if the fool getting sucker punched was male.

Joash said...

In a few years we'll be watching "Ow! My balls!" and drinking "Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator."

Trixi said...

Um, yeah, not so big on this post. Maybe it's a guy thing, eh?

Seany D said...

Smell ya later, Amanda!

Screen door, ass, way out, etc.

Anonymous said...

Anyone who thinks women don't 'deserve' to be punched in the face never met my sister-in-law, now there is someone who fully has earned a punch in the face. I have heard from more than a handful of people who want to kill the bitch as well. Snookie appears to be a honey next to the slutwhorebitchcunt my ex-sister-in-law is.

I'm enjoying watching her weave flail in the wind and wishing it was the cunt I know who was on the receiving end of it. There's still hope for the cunt tho, she's only in her early 30s and still ruining people lives.

Anyone need a few bucks let me know.

Le Penseur said...

I would never punch a woman just for talking shit. However, if she is trying to inflict grievous bodily harm on me, I feel I am within my rights to fuck her ass up.

Rory said...

I really do not understand all the responses speaking of how uneasy it makes them to see a woman get punched. If we are all equal now, why should you be any more offended by a woman getting punched for beaking off than a man? I'm with Chez, this is hilarious. Anyone, man or woman starts getting in someones face like that, they should be prepared for the possible consequences.

Any yeah, it is a little bit of blame the victim, especially when the victim so obviously precipitated the attack, justified or not.

Besides, some women will push and push and push and push men until they finally snap, safe in the knowledge that no man would ever hit a woman, and then play victim when someone finally has enough of their shit.

The lesson is: If you're a loud mouthed idiot, don't be surprised when somebody shuts you up.

Alanna said...

Personally, I wouldn't say this is a "guy" thing but really it's more of a "survival of the fittest" thing. Honestly, in years to come -when the aliens arrive and start looking for signs of intelligent life- will we want THIS to represent the human species in our time capsule? We are so far gone we don't even realize how far gone we are. Perhaps...perhaps a punch in the face is what social conscience needs to wake us up. Or a drip of cyanide. Your choice.

Anon said...

Count me in among those who are little preturbed by MTV glorifying violence against women.

Wait, they already do that with bad rap music.

But you're right Chez, if this were BG, the Cylons would be coming.

Chris said...

Chaz-True! I can't stop watching.

Kevin-You're SO right. Sell your dignity to be on one of those crappy shows, you're asking for it.

It should be noted that these people are "cast" into these roles.

Peach said...

I think it's important to draw the line between violence that's usually specific to women (domestic abuse, rape, spousal murder) and violence in general.

A girl talking shit at a bar and getting decked is...well...what can happen to anybody talking shit at a bar. And I think banking it in with actual specific-to-women isses is bad taste. Only because it trivializes actual crimes that 'we' have to deal with simply because of our owning a vagina thing.

She didn't get punched because she's a woman. She got punched because she picked the wrong person to talk shit too. Had she been talking to me, I probably would have done the same thing. Not that the guy gets a free pass. Put him in jail, on the moon, in the sea...somewhere far, far away.

But if you play with monsters you will get bit. Being a lady is not an automatic exemption from this rule.

Anonymous said...

The only reason this is creepy to me is that Chez has written at great length about his difficulty maintaining relationships with women. Without that level of knowledge about the author's, ah, issues with women, it would be in poor taste but not skin-crawling creepy (which it is, sorry, Chez.)

Anonymous said...

Brite is right. Violence is violence. Trixi, Amanda and everybody else who has thinks this is wrong simply because she's a woman are sexist. Punching anybody in the face is wrong, in general.
While I don't think this is okay and I wouldn't say she deserved it, I wouldn't call it a random act of violence.

Anonymous said...

The only thing I think this glorifies is what tremendous douchebags these guys are. The article didn't say she was seriously hurt so he'll most likely get an assault charge (fined) with ~2 years probation. However considering this was on camera and his name is going around now I think the social blowback from this will be far worse than anything else.

C Riedel-de Haen said...

The whole thing about how this is wrong because she has a vagina is utter bullshit.

Violence is negative and unpleasant regardless of gender.

And it DOES absolutely have a lot to do with how putting yourself in certain situations may bring certain consequences.

Wanna be treated like a lady? Um... acting like one would be a good start.

And, yeah, what if maybe Chez is little twisted because he likes this clip? It's his blog, and no one is getting hurt because of his posting the video here.

Plus, we ALL have our dark, twisted sides. Let's not be hypocritical...

Just sayin'

Anonymous said...

I think he clips his chubby kemo sabe in the nose on his way to smashing snoochie's beak. If had a beef with both of them, then this would be a satisfying night for our hero.

Charly Gordon said...

Capt. Clown said:

"I know every generation says that the new generation is losing respect and that society's going to hell in a handbasket, bla bla bla, but...

Isn't it true this time?"


It's been true EVERY time.

Anonymous said...

Happy Bday Chez. Hope this stirs up a hornet's nest for ya. I didn't see the episode, so I'm commenting with the assumption that Princess was talking smack to Guido:

Isn't the punch a milestone of feminist efforts? If the primary goal of feminism is asserting the equality of men and women, the girl opened her mouth to the wrong person and suffered the same consequence as any man. There's a benefit to equal treatment and a price. From this enlightened position, it's important not to consider this incident as a glorification of violence against women, but as an important pro-feminist life lesson courtesy of MTV.

Patronizing as men have been in the past, this attitude provided women more protection from this specific type of violence than the law ever will. If it makes anyone feel better, the guy would be charged with 'Assault', not 'Assault of a Woman'.

BTW: I haven't hit a girl since I was 8 and my sister had it coming! //c

Anonymous said...

Honestly, I HATE, even despise, the fact that that I chuckle at that insanity! It is simply wrong and there is no way around, but dang, I chuckle anyway! Wrong wrong wrong!

Chez said...

That's a hell of a conclusion to jump to, Anon 6:19 -- that the fact that I've had a lot of relationships in my life stems from some sort of tendency toward violence or an appreciation of it. Then again, it's not really surprising, given that, you know, you choose to remain anonymous. (Sorry yourself, but I give much less credence to the opinions of those who can't even bother to attach even a fake name to their thoughts.)

That said, I figured this post would draw a certain amount of fire, and while I've been spending the weekend with my daughter, I'll have more to say on Jersey Shore and the whole punch thing tomorrow. Taking the weekend off, gang.

Anonymous said...

Anyone that looks at this show as a decline of our civilization is looking at this backward. At what time in human history could any of these morons even hope to reach adolescence? Hell, these people would be walking advertisements for the eugenics movement ("Three generations of guidos is enough") Yet today, with our technological achievements, these barely functional individuals are able to live a semi-independent life, has simplistic life goals to reach for, and if desired, have a family. I mean, shit, don't tell me you don't also watch the Special Olympics for the laughs and gambling opportunities... Its the same thing, retards pretending to be normal. Except on this show, you get an STD instead of a medal.
Now if you'll excuse me, if there is a force of justice in the universe, somehow I will get horribly maimed in the next 10 minutes.

Bunche said...

This is all about an obnoxious idiot in a bar getting clocked by another, bigger idiot, not a case of "violence against women"/misogyny. That said, I don't think much of this guy as a man for hitting a fucking Hobbit, no matter how obnoxious she was. He could have simply walked away and laughed her bullshit off. This kind of behavior directed at either gender is unacceptable. Just ask Chez about some of the shit that used to go on at the barbecue joint where I used to work; we got all kinds in there, and I have to admit that the Guido jerkoffs who showed up from Bensonhurst were all wastes of sentience. I'm absolutely down with Italians, but Guidos irk me in just the same way that I get pissed when I see my own acting like ignorant, stereotypical niggers whose very existence engenders well-deserved loathing.

Anonymous said...

one and a half months later... this is still really funny