Friday, December 11, 2009

Listening Post



Well, I'm 40 today. Not exactly where I'd expected or had hoped to be at this point in my life, if I'd planned on making it this far at all. I can't kid myself or anyone else: The sadness -- the grief for what's been lost, the overwhelming sense of regret -- sometimes feels like it's just too much to bear.

But this morning I'll get up, go to my little girl's bedside and watch her as she wakes up, rolls over and smiles at me -- and I'll think only one thing.

Here's the Verve -- Lucky Man.

45 comments:

Sheriff Bart said...

Have you picked out the color of your Thunder Cougar Falcon Bird yet?

brite said...

You are so going to love your 40's Chez...the best things are truly yet to come.Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Chez!! Perfect song. And you are indeed very lucky. Enjoy every minute with your beautiful girl.

Anonymous said...

So right. Happy Birthday.

Donal said...

Happy Birthday. Time with your kids is so precious.

Shannon from Saskatoon said...

Happy Birthday, Chez. 40 is the new 13, as in it's a time of some rocky transformations.

Eat some cake and have some fun with Inara today!

Trouble said...

Happy Birthday!

Southern Fried Fatty said...

Happy Birthday! Don't worry, no one is where they thought they would be right now. That's what I keep telling myself anyway.

elizabeth said...

I made you a cake! It was delicious!

Alanna said...

You are loved. Therefore you ARE lucky. Enjoy your day, hug your girl and get some air. Feliz Cumpleanos!

ntx said...

Happy birthday, Chez.

Chris said...

Happy Birthday Chez. Enjoy your day with Inara.

This song takes me back to a time when I wasn't approaching 40 myself, thanks!

SuziG said...

Happy Birthday Chez! I just turned 40 last month and can report that it is pretty effing cool so far. Enjoy - and keep letting Inara hit those drums!!

kanye said...

I remember when I turned 40. I had a blog back then and I autoposted a couple of things to the Wednesday past that I meant to post on Friday...my first senior moment.

Ethan said...

Happy Birthday Chez. Good choice of a song for it too.

gina said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqiDOuwUJxk

It's either sadness or euphoria, Chez. I wish you euphoria, with overtones of contentment.

em said...

Happy Birthday. I'm glad Inara's there to celebrate with you.

darkshrike said...

Happy Birthday, enjoy your time with the kiddo.

Anonymous said...

Chez, I hit 40 six years ago and life has only gotten better for me. Truly it was my best birthday, ever.

Happy birthday and know that I am thankful for you sharing your talent with all of us and being here for another year. I've had my eyes opened by you, almost pissed myself from laughing so hard and sometimes been emotionally brought to my knees by your insights and commentary.

katstrate said...

Happy Birthday, and don't let 40 get you down. Some introspection- including sadness and regret-is okay on this milestone. I think if I didn't have children it might have hit me much harder; the optimism and redemption kids can bring into your life is as close to grace as I'll ever get.

Besides, the way I figure, 40's still young enough to do something completely different with the next four decades. Years don't equal maturity, as anyone familiar with your blog surely knows ;) I still feel like a silly 19-yr old more often than a 40-something Target Mom, but I absolutely cannot watch anything with Duran Duran in their present state because they are SO DAMN OLD!!!

Mary said...

Sending you wishes that you enjoy the happiest of birthdays. May you enjoy your day, spending it with those you hold dear.

I also echo the previous writers, enjoy your time with Inara and eat some cake!

Riles said...

Happy birthday Chez. Enjoy that Inara time.

slouchmonkey said...

Yep. That and the fact that you were right about one other things. Chris Cuomo getting the shaft.

Happy Birf-day!

Jester said...

Happy birthday, Chez, and welcome to the club. :-) (I'm about 8 months ahead of you.)

Mackenzie said...

Congratulations!!! It's your birthday!

Goggles Paesano said...

Inara: Sometimes Daddy might look at you and have tears in his eyes, but it's not because you make him sad. It's because you make him so happy that it leaks out his eyes!
Chez: I'm almost 40, and you've lived harder and more than I, but I can tell you honestly that your little girl is the best thing you could ever have done. Be the person she needs, and your life will be just fine. I know you don't always like yourself, but you MUST love yourself. You're worth it! Happy Birthday, old man (meant in the collegial sense)!

Le Penseur said...

"The sadness -- the grief for what's been lost, the overwhelming sense of regret -- sometimes feels like it's just too much to bear."

I often feel this way too Chez, but you articulated it better. Be well and happy birthday.

Wes said...

Happy Birthday Chez. I hope 2010 will be a good year for you.

MataHari said...

Have a hell of a birthday! Hope you and the little one enjoy every bit of time you spend together. You both are very lucky to have each other.

jrm78 said...

Happy Birthday Chez!

Dan said...

Hope you have a great birthday with your little girl!

Anonymous said...

Chez - My little boy was six months old when I turned 40, so I have some idea of what you're feeling.

Of course, that was 22 years ago, (I turned 62 on the first), so I know something you don't know!

Boy, are you in for some fun!

Happy birthday, dude.
-Ralphie

david said...

Happy Birthday Chez. Here's to forty more.

Dianne said...

I hope you have a happy birthday, and enjoy the day with your precious daughter.

People tell me I passed 40 several years ago, but except when I look in the mirror and see that woman with all the grey hair, I don't feel all that different from when I was twenty. Except a whole lot smarter.

Eric said...

Happy birthday, man.

Jim said...

Happy Birthday Chez! Now go outside in your robe and yell at some kids "Get off my lawn!"

Girl With Curious Hair said...

The best is yet to come, Chez. Omar Khayam said he woke up from a 40 year dream and changed his life. You just have to produce poetry that will move people for hundreds of years after you're gone--no pressure. Or you could just look ahead and enjoy life.

Happy Birthday!

Kevin Davis said...

Cheer up Charlie... when my dad passed away i kept his keychain that said "life begins when you turn 40"... there's a lot to look forward to in your life, so happy birthday man.

Vermillion said...

Happy birthday, Chez.

I would send you your gift, but I still have yet to celebrate mine from earlier this week, and Jodie Sweetin won't keep her Girl Scout uniform on....

uh....

I mean....your gift won't survive the trip. Or the packing. Or me looking at it.

To a dirty old man, from a dirty young one, may you have many, many more.

SteveR said...

Happy birthday, young man!

Lily said...

Happy Birthday, Chez! Life doesn't always turn out the way you expected it too, but there's more good than bad surprises in store. Keep your heart, mind and eyes open and the next 40 years of your life will be wonderful.

isabelle said...

Happy birthday..the best is yet to come!

Master Mahan said...

Take comfort in the fact that you've lived those 40 years fully, Chez. Happy birthday.

CNNfan said...

Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday dear Chez
Happy Birthday to You


Keep yourself young looking like blogger chick Jacki who blogs that she was born more than three decades ago.

/*
Program: Age.php
Purpose: To calculate the age of someone
born more than three decades ago
*/

$age=0; /* born */
$year=1;
$decade=$year*10;

echo "Age (at least): ";
for(;;)
{
$age=$age+$decade;
if($age>30) break;
}

print $age;

/*

Program Output:

Age (at least): 40

*/

Deborah said...

I completely & utterly know the "how did I get here" feeling about which you write. I am 43, and this isn't the life I envisioned AT ALL, so much so that I honestly sometimes don't want to keep living it. But be that as it may...depressing, is what it is...a belated happy birthday to you. I don't need to tell you that your daughter's presence is, well...a present. Your birthday is the same as my now-deceased father's...I never realized that, although I've been reading you for over a year now. Sorry for the bummer mini-rant.