Sunday, December 20, 2009
And Now, a Message for John McCain from Chez's Evil Twin, Garth
Look, you doddering old douche, I get that Alzheimer's robs you of your ability to form a coherent thought, to say nothing of rendering you unable to remember what you said and did 20 minutes ago. But for fuck's sake, don't you at least pay a couple of "old guy handlers" to stop you when you're about to spout something shockingly stupid and completely detached from reality? If you do, you should fire their asses, because they didn't stick a tube sock in your mouth before your appearance on "Fux News Sunday" this morning.
Since you probably don't have the slightest idea what you said, seeing as how it's now several hours after the interview, let me refresh what little is left of your memory: You claimed that Barack Obama has fostered a "more partisan" environment than the one that existed during the Clinton administration. You said:
"At least under 'Hillarycare' they tried seriously to negotiate with Republicans. There's been -- there has been no effort that I know of that -- serious across-the-table negotiations, such as I have engaged in with Democrats and with other administrations. And that was the commitment that the president made."
Wow -- really? Really?
That's interesting there, John, because I could've sworn that just a few months ago I watched Obama give a health care address on national television and speak in nothing but the most conciliatory and respectful tones toward the opposing party -- that would be yours -- only to have some disrespectful asshole from that party shout "YOU LIE!" at him like a drunk at a fucking redneck bar.
And you know something? Obama continues to reach out to Republicans. He continues to try to compromise with them and appease them -- to his own detriment, if we're being honest. This guy is still trying to make nice with the people who, since before he even won the election, have called him a dangerous, terrorist-sympathizing, socialist who wants to kill our grandmothers and who wasn't even born in this country. You fucking lunatics literally paint him as some kind of illegitimate pretender to the office -- you're so beavershit terrified that your precious country is slipping away from the control of white, Christian oligarchs and oligarch-enablers like yourselves. Your True Believers organize hilariously bombastic celebrations of willful ignorance and provincial know-nothingness -- you call them "tea parties" -- where they hold up signs declaring "Obama is a Nazi!" They bring guns to places where the President of the Fucking United States is speaking, tacitly threatening him and his supporters with "violent revolution," irresponsible nonsense that's consistently stoked by Republican lawmakers both on Fox News and, occasionally, in person. All this -- all this -- and you have the fucking gall to say that Obama's the one creating a toxic political climate?
Have you been mixing your anti-depressants with Cindy's Demerol?
Look, I get that after being stomped like a kid at a Cincinnati Who concert last year, you decided that it was time to get on your knees, open wide and start swallowing load after load of the GOP Kool-Aid again -- otherwise you'd have no friends -- but you can't really believe the horseshit you're shoveling. Obama's gone so far out of his way to make a group of people who are never going to like him happy that he's actually losing the support of a lot of people who thought they could like him no matter what he did. Even the spineless twerps across the aisle from you in Congress cede both the floor and their testicles to you every chance they get.
Oh, and by the way, I've got two words for you: Sarah Goddamned Palin.
Yeah -- this morning's little pearl of wisdom comes from the guy who unleashed the Retard Kraken onto the world. Sorry, but I'm not giving credence to one fucking thing you say until you apologize for taking a cynical political gamble that would've put a petty, feckless ex-beauty queen -- Idealogue Barbie; someone with more shameless, naked ambition than brains -- just one of your steadily faltering heartbeats away from the highest office in the free world. You wanna talk about somebody who's really fostered partisan enmity -- even in her current role as, well, a fucking reality TV star? Sarah Palin.
And you shot her into the American political system's veins like so much bad smack.
Thanks for that, John. Oh, and fuck you very much for emphatically embracing your party's current ethic of shitloads of hypocritical psycho-projection. You guys are right: It's everyone else's fault. Do yourself a favor, pal. The next time you think that, instead of announcing it on Fox, just go take a look in the mirror and address that person.
But first eat your oatmeal, then it's good-night for you. 5 o'clock. Way past your bed time.
Because you're old.