Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Gentlemen... BEHOLD!


I couldn't have said it any better than Cesca: BEST CAMPAIGN WEBSITE EVER.

Vote George Hutchins!

Seriously, this thing looks like it was designed by this guy:




(Update: Ah, the plot thickens. There's an equally hallucinatory website, much like the one above, pushing the "National Independents Movement." Both URLs were registered in Canada, so either this is a brilliant practical joke or, well, who knows. Either way, the graphic to the right, part of the NIM site, isn't all that funny considering the climate right now. Oh, and the NIM site also has a link to a YouTube channel that features -- are you ready? -- Nazi propaganda, pro-Israel propaganda, seemingly white-supremacist ravings, and, uh, Kate Bush videos. Anybody know what Negativland is up to these days?)

(Update II: Okay, it's definitely white supremacist stuff -- but it's the goddamned weirdest white supremacist stuff I've ever seen.)

24 comments:

Sirius said...

The best part is the link to his biography, where you can apparently learn about his "eduction"

Sarah, your VP candidate awaits!

bryce said...

I'm pretty sure the best part is his crime plan, complete with an artist's rendering of what his prison cells will look like. Also, the explanation that anyone on death row should be able to prove their "innocents" within a year.

Ben from Ontario said...

Thank you, Chez, this made my night.

I think the best part was his page on GAY MALE HOMOSEXUALS.

He devotes an entire section to slandering what I'd assume to be his opponent, WILLIAM "B.J." LAWSON.

"Why did WILLIAM "B.J." LAWSON, SUPPORT GAY MALE 'HOMOSEXUAL' PRIVILEGES?"

"Is WILLIAM "B.J." LAWSON a GAY MALE HOMOSEXUAL, in spite of being married with children?"

"Is the FATHER of WILLIAM "B.J." LAWSON a GAY MALE HOMOSEXUAL, in spite of being married with children?"

"Is WILLIAM "B.J." LAWSON Related to other GAY MALE HOMOSEXUALS?"

Because the soundest political tactics are the ones in which you imply your opponent's father is a homosexual.

Also, HE capitalizes WORDS really inEFFECTively.

Beautiful, beautiful stuff.

Sr. Wrangler said...

MY EYES!

Jester said...

The awesome drips. It just drips. And no, the best part is the Culture War section, wherein GAY MALE HOMOSEXUAL ACCEPTANCE caused HITLER.

Jester said...

There's also this, which I completely fail to believe is a coincidence:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_hutchins

e said...

Was this made in 1998 on geocities and ported over, where's the spinning gifs.

"GEORGE HUTCHINS INVITES ALL BLACK, WHITE, SPANISH, AND ASIAN U.S. VOTERS TO JOIN US !!"

I can't help but read that and think of Peter from Family Guy. He writes erotic literature and one story is being narrated by Betty White. She reads a passage that says something like "there was this hot chick at work, she was some kind of Spanish".

And right after the above quote we get:

"America is a Great Nation, due to our Diversity; but ONLY WHEN, This Diversity is VOLUNTARY."

alright.

Chez said...

Cesca made the beautiful comment that, yeah e, this thing may as well have a couple of the dancing banana gifs on either side of the page at the top.

Chez said...

t's so beautiful, because it's just page after page of this guy's abject fucking insanity -- an acid-trip tour through all of his neuroses and fears and paranoid ravings, like if you cracked his head open and let all the crazy pour out -- and just when you think it can't possibly get any more fucking surreal, you find these words:

WARNING!!! BELOW MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE TO SANFORD AND SONS FANS

And that's right about where my head exploded.

Anonymous said...

It was like a myspace page became self aware and went right-wing christian retard on us... full retard, to boot

Snath said...

I'm really digging the "MORE BETTER JOBS."

Erik said...

"If elected to U.S. Congress, I will take all legal ethical actions to bring HOLLYWOOD to North Carolina, which will produce countless Jobs and Careers, in addition to, stimulating Countless other industries, throughout North Carolina, which will be of financial benefit to ALL North Carolina residents."

Awesome. Pure Awesome.

Chez said...

In other words, he wants to bring the GAY MALE HOMOSEXUALS to him.

The subtext is so hysterical. This guy is gayer than Carson Kressley with a glory hole on either side of him.

Vermillion said...

Here is my question: why the FUCK does he REMIND us SEVEN GODDAMN TIMES that RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA IS NAMED AFTER THE BRITISH SIR WALTER RALEIGH?

ANd how can a PERSON be the CAPITAL of A NATION?

AND what DOES it HAVE TO DO WITH ANY GODDAMN THING?!?!?!!!

I would also like to point out the hilariously random pictures of him in different places, as if the lend him credibility. Because "ANCIENT ROMAN HOT POOL BATH ENGLAND" totally will help the country.

Vermillion said...

WARNING!!! BELOW MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE TO SANFORD AND SONS FANS

No way. No way in hell.

*reads*

My God In Heaven.

Of course, he tries to make it better by saying the REAL Sanford and Son folks were better because they were successful with affirmative action or privileges (aka the got paid despite the best efforts to prevent it.).

NOR, SPECIAL PRIVILEGES based Race, Skin Color, Ethnic Group, Religion, Religious Denomination, Nation of Birth, Heritage, and Ancestry."

So..that means white people are gonna get shafted? I can live with that.

Just kidding, you know I love you honkies. Now if you could please just tell me where your women at.

ntx said...

I think you've got to call George the frontrunner in the 1994 election!

fixermark said...

I hate to rain on the parade, but a dnslookup on the URL suggests that it was registered by one "Paul Beach." A discussion here mentions that Mr. Beach seems to have registered from a Canadian address.

I'm calling "shenanigans" on this until we have confirmation that Br. Beach is in the employ of Mr. Hutchins.

Anonymous said...

First off, this guy looks like the unfortunate offspring of Bruce Campbell and John Stossel.

Second, the whole Sanford and Son thing is just magic. Pure magic.

This whole site looks like someone tried to do a lolcats thing and it got WAY out of hand. He'll either be laughed out of politics forever...

or we'll see Palin/Hutchins 2012 and the Mayans will be right.

Chez said...

If we've been had I give absolute props, because it's damn brilliant.

Sirius said...

Competition is fierce, but I'd have to say the best part is on his message board, wherein he reassures a "LESBIAN GAY FEMALE BISEXUAL FEMALE" that "GIRLS WHO LIKE GIRLS" are A-OK with him, because the Bible only condemns GAY MALE HOMOSEXUALS.

I don't recall who coined the phrase "so deep in the closet he can see Narnia", but I'm invoking it here.

Jadine said...

So I clicked the link to the website and all I have to say is, wow, just wow. I can never unsee this and I think my IQ has just dropped.

ntx said...

If it's a hoax or gag, these guys have gone deep. George Hutchins even has a LinkedIn page

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/george-hutchins/11/944/263

and a MeetUp page

http://www.meetup.com/GEORGE-HUTCHINS-FOR-U-S-CONGRESS-2010-NC-4TH-GOP-District/

Anon said...

Chez, if you're looking for the really crazy fundamentalist types, try the website

www.jesus-is-savior.com

PRepeare the eyebleach, however.

Eric said...

Looks like he's running in Chapel Hill--yeah, I'd have to say he's already lost.