Friday, October 16, 2009

Spill the Whine

For a group of people who generally express themselves with such muscular bombast, it's always amusing to watch the far-right mouthpieces pee their pants like two-year-olds.

First, Rush Limbaugh throws an honest-to-God temper tantrum over the NFL's decision to thwart his proposed purchase of a minority stake in the St. Louis Rams. (For the uninitiated, Limbaugh loves football the way he loves chocolate chip cookies, Oxycontin and Viagra.) His response to the failed bid? Call the entire National Football League racist and claim that it's infested with liberalism.

"They [Democrats] have to have a villain to advance everything, because they cannot sell their ideas. They had to demonize me with false, fake, made up quotes. To protect their precious little — National Football League as an outpost of racism and liberalism, which is what it is."

Yes. Because when I think anti-American weenie-liberal menace, I think football.

Cut to the pretend-half-baked clown prince of Fox News, Glenn Beck, who once again turned on the waterworks yesterday afternoon because -- well, really, who the hell cares why? You know that anything that comes out of Beck's mouth won't make a lick of sense but will draw huge numbers -- as it's intended to.

Just remember, folks. These people expect you to take them seriously.


Mr. Controversy said...

Every time Glenn Beck cries, I'm inspired to smile. Call me sick, call me evil, but I enjoy watching his little doughboy face tear up and sound like he's reminiscing about a long lost pet.

And that pet...

(pauses to sob, takes deep breath, clears eyes and continues shakily)

...was America!

ntx said...

Every time Glenn Beck cries, God sends a tornado to a trailer park.

Stephen said...

I read an article in the Chicago Tribune yesterday regarding Rush (Limbaugh, not Lee, Lifeson, and Peart), and thought this quote was spot on.

"There's an argument that says the very principles Rush espouses -- the free market -- are what did him in," said the conservative radio host Michael Smerconish. "This IS the free market. These are private businessmen who made a decision about what was in the best business interest of their thriving venture.

"It's definitely ironic. There's a bit of hypocrisy here as well," Smerconish said, citing a study that showed 70 percent of NFL owners' political contributions went to Republicans. "Through their dollars they are very supportive of the sort of politics that Rush talks."

Choke on it fat ass.

John O said...

Someone really should help that poor man.
And, Glenn, that song that moved you to tears?
It was written by a Canadian.

Anon said...

You're right, Mr. Beck.
We used to be united. There used to be respect for both sides of the aisle, even when they disagreed.

But then journalistic hacks like you destroyed it with your hate-mongering.

Reap what you sow, crybaby.

kanye said...

Every time Glenn Beck cries, a right-wing fundie schwings.

jon29 said...

Wait a second here... if the NFL is an outpost of liberalism, and liberals are rooting for the terrorists, doesn't it follow that by supporting the NFL one is in fact hating America?

Pirate Bunny said...

Dear lord, he is such a bad actor. And simpler times? You mean when women were expected to get married and stay home and be educated but bored housewives? Do you mean when when white people thought that black people shouldn't be slaves, but fuck if they go to the same school as your precious white angels?

America NEVER has simpler times. You can't just spout a revisionist version of history and expect us to say "hey, he's on to something," Glenn Beck.

And knock off this shitty Howard Beale impression. You are clearly doing it on purpose and it is really weak.

Anonymous said...

Won't someone please think of the children?

Too nice of you to call him half-baked. He's burnt to a crisp.

Shannon from Saskatoon said...

I had to watch this Beck video in installments due in part to its near-instantaneous emetic effects. I mean, can YOU laugh and puke at the same time?

I wonder what this man is actually on, or what drugs he has had spilled on him (passively, of course) at whatever party he thinks he might have been at.

I can't see his demographic audience enjoying this little display of teary incoherence. It is (clears throat)downright unmanly deportment for the little soldier for conformity that he is.

Jeremy said...

When I get really, really high, I cry at stuff like old commercials too.

Beck must be smoking good shit.

Chris said...

That man just makes my stomach churn.

Amanda said...

Wasn't it Rush Limbaugh that made a HUGE issue out of Jon Stewart crying over 9/11 on his show following the events?

And Beck is crying over commercials?

Seems a little off...

Sheriff Bart said...

Rush should turn his passion towards NASCAR.

Every time Glenn Beck cries, God masturbates onto a kitten.

Chez said...

Crying Beck is watching you masturbate.

Tim said...

I find it hard to get worked up about the supposed "decay" of our culture because I don't need Kodak commercials to get my daily dose of warm and fuzzy. I have, you know, family and friends for that. They could replace all of the advertising on television tomorrow with non-stop Communist pornography (I'm sure it exists), and my ability to experience pleasure would not be greatly affected.

I'd like to think most healthy, stable people are with me on this. Which, of course, excludes Glenn Beck.

Bill White said...

We both have much in common. I think I cry just as much. You see, we cry for the Lord to come back into our lives after we were addicted to the drink. I guess you mean Secular Progressives don't understand. You don't get GB. I get GB.
God Bless,

Josh said...

Anyone else notice Glenn Beck favors French-cuff shirts?

What's the matter? A good-ol' AMERICAN barrel cuff not good enough for you, Becky?

Stephanie said...

I lasted 16 seconds. Any of you that watched it longer than that are much better people than I.

Izar Talon said...

Oh my God, that is pathetic.

Blatant, self-serving, nostalgia-jerking rose colored glasses BULLSHIT.

My God, really? The Simpler Times? He longs for the better, simpler times! Oh Lord we miss the Good Ol' Days!

Oh man, fucking gag me!

The really sad thing is that the inbred redneck idiots who watch this SHIT don't even see what he's doing because they can't fucking THINK and are ruled by their fucking EMOTIONS.

As we all know, the most powerful emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. (Thank you HPL)

And when you're as fucking STUPID as his audience is, that leaves an AWFUL DAMN LOT to be afraid of.

OK, let me try one now: every time God dies, Glenn Beck masturbates about religion?

I am not Star Jones said...

I watched the clip and the only thing I can say is: What has to be going on in someone's life that they believe in Glenn Beck?

And thank you Stephen for highlighting the Michael Smerconish quotes. It's nice to see be reminded of Rush's limited perspective on the world: 'the free market is only supposed to work to my benefit; not detriment.'

Cannot wait until he starts calling the NFL the Taliban!

babita781 said...

Pirate Bunny beat me to it! The Mad Men times, when "my girl" in her binding girdle, stockings and heels will get it to your girl? When people smoked in movie theaters? When miscegenation was actually law in some places? When McCarthy equated communism with devil fornication? Lovely times! I find myself, strangely enough, quoting Rodney King a lot. Why CAN'T we all just get along?

Anonymous said...

Re: Limbaugh's failed NFL ownership bid. One bit that I can't quite decide if it's funny or not is that Rush at one point was going on and on about how the NFL was capitalism in it's purest form, and that he wanted to be an owner so that he could help the players make as much money as they possibly could, and then he turned around and started blasting the head of the NFLPA (NFL Players Association) who is black, for being nothing but a plant/proxy/tool of the Obama administration.

If you are an NFL owner it is in your best interests to pay your players as little as possible and to prevent them from making as much money as they possibly can, not the other way around. And the NFL is the farthest thing from being a pure capitalist system, what with revenue sharing and the salary cap.

Alex said...

All the vitriolic hate they spewed for the past 16 years is coming back to bite them in the ass (which in Beck's case might be particularly painful...)

wpofd said...

Man is THAT some selective memory, or what? A simpler and better time in America? The Polaroid commercial was 1975; the Mean Joe Green/Coke ad was 1979...does anyone want to rehash what was happening in America and the world at large during the mid-to-late 1970s?

Shouldn't GB as a newsperson[ality] have some knowledge of history? ... Yeah, I laughed as I typed it, too.

Tracer Bullet said...

Glenn Beck gives me an ouchie in the brain box.