Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A Petition To the State of California in Support of Roger Avary


State of California,

I am writing this on behalf of the entire filmmaking and artistic community worldwide.

We have just learned the astonishing news of the sentencing of Roger Avary, Oscar-winning co-writer of Pulp Fiction and director of Killing Zoe, to one full year in prison resulting from his conviction on the charge of gross vehicular manslaughter.

Filmmakers, intellectuals, Gen Xers, movie geeks, and meth addicts from across the country and around the world are dismayed by this turn of events and you must know that it cannot stand.

True, Mr. Avary pleaded guilty last August to a crash that killed a passenger in his Mercedes-Benz and, true, he was driving over a hundred miles-an-hour and was legally intoxicated at the time. But all of this is of little consequence when balanced against one irrefutable fact: He helped write Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction. Surely, the enduring legacy of these masterpieces -- not to mention the fact that he also directed a film in which a character played by Ron Jeremy was shot in the chest with a shotgun -- absolves him of this or any other crime he may have committed or will commit in the future. Besides, the victim in the case is dead, which means that he cannot demand that Mr. Avary be forced to serve this sentence. Trust us when we tell you that Andreas Zini would've wanted this whole ugly mess to be over and for Mr. Avary to be allowed to put it behind him. That is, if, you know, he were alive.

Mr. Avary is currently writing the script for Silent Hill 2, which we hear will be a big hit on DVD. We think you'll agree that it is simply unconscionable that anyone stands in the way of this caliber of work and what it will mean for the artistic community and the world.

If only in the name of friendship between California and the rest of the civilized world -- which, let's admit it, is pretty strained right now -- we demand the immediate release of Roger Avary.

Thank You,

The Royal We (Chez)

The Huffington Post: Roger Avary Sentenced in DUI/9.30.09

(Update: By the way, this delightful little piece is now also up at the Huffington Post. Like it? Show some love and Digg away.)

15 comments:

Will B said...

Satire, excellent. Maybe HuffPo will go all-in with him as well. Embarrass themselves further.

Robo said...

Fucking. Classic.

trish said...

This is seriously why I come here. I want to have your abortion.

Jeremy said...

LOL!

Kevin Davis said...

Jesus Fucking Christ Chez! if I see another page on Roger Avary my head is going to explode!! Besides, couldn't you have written about SOOOO many other people who deserve more attention than some guy who only killed someone? I mean, c'mon! The guy made Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction.

the medic said...

dude this is so fucking funny....I am barely containing my laughter at work.

Matt Osborne said...

That sound you hear is me laughing my ass off.

Doc said...

I see Trish watched the Fight Club DVD extra's!

Seriously, is there better way to sway public opinion than to have a bunch of celebrities spout shit like this? We should have them all out there clamoring about how bad health care reform would be for us. We should have fucking Bono out there railing against a 'public option' and we'd have the thing passed in a week.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Avary's sentence is push-back against Polanski world by California - where celebrity trials are a cottage industry and lady justice has dropped her balanced scale and is fist pumping a la Robert Blake.

Anonymous said...

Come on, man. Rules of Attraction isn't even close to Chinatown.

Brenda said...

Love this.

Stephanie said...

Chez, I think I ... I think I love you. (There I said it.)

Bill said...

That's the best quote about Sarah Palin I've ever seen. Would you add me to you blogroll? I'm trying to link out.

http://fawksnews.wordpress.com

alumiere said...

love this; retweeted and posted to myspace, lj, fb, etc - many thanks!

Anonymous said...

Kill someone in this manner while sober as happens all too often, no problem. Be over .08 and it's over. DUI laws are for the most part BS.