Nobody Loves Me, Everybody Hates Me, Think I'll Go Eat Worms

As regular readers know, I try to live my life by the old adage that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. It's what Mom used to say, it's what people who plan on getting into heaven do, and darn it, it's just plain right.

So you can imagine how shocking it was to my tender sensibilities when somebody pointed out that I'd been mercilessly vilified in a piece on the Obama school speech that appeared this morning at the website The D.C. Writeup (one of those sites that oozes conservative love but still throws in just enough contrived centrist acquiescence to be able to claim a lack of bias while keeping a straight face). Anyway, the column's author, Jason Kehe, writes the following about the Obama address:

"The prospect of Obama’s speech has infuriated conservative parents nationwide. Some even plan to keep their children home from school on Tuesday, fearful that Obama plans to use his presidential powers for ill and spread the liberal gospel to meek, impressionable young minds. These fears might be partially unfounded, but are not entirely illogical... several school districts have decided not to broadcast the speech, and they shouldn’t be ridiculed for doing so. These are merely concerned people looking out for their children. Of course, Democrats don’t see it that way. Not surprisingly, they see right-wing crazies trying to sabotage Obama’s presidency."

But then Kehe -- mind you, a man I never did a thing to -- goes on to say this:

"In a recent article on the right’s reaction to Obama’s planned education speech, for example, Chez Pazienza of the Huffington Post wrote, 'I never wanted to play this card, but the longer this outright hostility continues — the further it’s allowed to be amplified — the more I think that the only word Barack Obama’s mainstream attackers are steering clear from at this point is ‘nigger.’ They’re thinking it — just not saying it.'

Out of nowhere, it seems, Pazienza pulls out the race card. Accusations like this — pitiable as they are grotesque — ought generally to be dismissed as verbal seizures, probably caused by rabies or a like disease of the mind. Rarely should this kind of mindless frothing at the mouth be acknowledged, unless to be put to a quick end by means of intravenous therapy and a follow-up recommendation for indefinite detention at the local sick ward.

However, an exception should be made for Pazienza, whose lunatic remark in the Huffington Post should appall even his fellow comrades. He stoops so low as to deeply and irrevocably embarrass his party. Clearly he plays to shock, but goes much too far, revealing a sick desperation to pin as much negativity as he can on the Republican Party. He speaks of hatred from the right, but the irony, of course, is that his hatred is immeasurably blacker.

Pazienza’s other remarks show an equal poverty of intellect."

A diseased mind. Lunatic. A poverty of intellect. Well, Mr. Kehe, that hurts. I have feelings, you know. I bleed just like you (although not red, white and blue). I mean, man, I just -- I don't deserve that. I'm a good person. I enjoy giving money to Girl Scouts. I used to have a dog and only one time did I let it get off the leash and run into traffic and get killed (and I felt bad about it for hours afterward). Trust me, Mr. Kehe, if my hatred were in fact as immeasurably black as you claim, then you'd be, oh I don't know, unwise to piss me off.

But my hatred is not black, sir. Not anymore. Not since my doctors upped the dosage.

Just know that your callousness has really damaged me. You've lost a potential friend today.

I hope you're happy with yourself. I hope you can sleep at night.

But now that I think about it, since you ended your piece with this hilariously ridiculous statement: "Kids, play sick this Tuesday, or else bring a good pair of earplugs," maybe I'll just let your harsh criticism roll off my back and accept that it's coming from an idiot.