Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Let the Rhythm Hit Him

I almost wasn't going to post anything about this, seeing as how any publicity from any direction will only perpetuate the inexplicable "nanoriety" of that idiot Perez Hilton. But man, if I don't point and laugh hysterically at this, I'll seriously be neglecting my obligation to make fun of those who truly deserve it.

By now I'm sure you've all heard that Perez -- née Mario Lavandeira, self-proclaimed "Queen of Something-or-other" and sycophantic fame sponge -- got his ass kicked by a manager for the Black Eyed Peas at this weekend's Much Music Awards in Toronto after calling Will.i.am a "faggot." You may even know that rather than dialing, say, 911, he called for help via Twitter (insert head-shake here) and has since posted a tearful, hissy-fittish response to the attack on YouTube, one that rivals human trainwreck Chris Crocker's infamous "Leave Britney Alone" video for sheer self-serving hilarity.

So I won't bother rehashing any of that in great detail.

I'll simply relay a personal story.

Several years ago I worked alongside a guy who moonlighted as a gay model; to this day, he's one of the coolest people I've ever met. One day, the two of us were sitting at work when a local reporter appeared on television, on a competing station -- a guy who my friend knew from the club scene and called a whiny, melodramatic, embarrassing gay cliché. My friend looked at him in disgust, then turned to me and said, "I swear, I just want to beat the shit out of him. And it wouldn't be fag bashing -- it'd be idiot bashing."

Thus, in the spirit of that sentiment, I'll only say this: It's a shame the Peas' manager wasn't carrying a baseball bat.

Now I'll turn it over to Kelly Clarkson, who I love more than ever after this interview in which she basically laughs her ass off at Perez's ordeal.


Matt Osborne said...

Unlike Kelly Clarkson, I'm in favor of violence and those who desperately need ass-kicking receiving their ass-kickings.

Tell me again: why is Perez Hilton famous?

Chez said...

Because he's willing to call someone who's truly famous a faggot just to keep his name and face in the headlines.

And these days that's all it takes.

Deacon Blue said...

The ironic thing about calling for help on Twitter is that he may have had a decent chance of actually attracting anyone in the vicinity with a smart phone who follows him on Twitter out of sheer disgust/morbid curiosity to help the manager kick his ass even harder.

gina said...

he's an embarrassing twat. i want him to go away with jon and kate and spencer and heidi and that fat chick from cheers. i then want them all to bury themselves in their own shallow graves and leave me some silence.

oskar said...

Maybe in a few monthshe (it?) will provoke someone else's justified anger & may not be in any shape to post such a video.

Just another narcissist with a death wish.

This story evokes the ultimate degree of Schadenfreude.

SteveR said...

It's just like high school. Ignore him and he'll go away.

Mas Triste said...

There are generally two types of people in the world.

Those who have paid a price for saying or doing something stupid to the wrong person; and those who haven't.

Many of us learn from the experience.

Only time will tell if "Mr. Lavandería" learns from his.

Heather Hansma said...

I know people are on him for calling someone a "faggot" because that is "wrong" and shit. Oh, and because he is a "fag" so he should know better.

I ask you, who better to call someone a fag than Perez Hilton? Hmm?

I don't think he should have been hit by some shitty fucking band's manager because he doesn't like their music. They should have drawn a manly mustache on his picture in PhotoShop and started posting on their blog about how he is straight.

L. said...

I've never understood why certain people assume that because they're not alpha males they're allowed to say and do whatever they want to people without fear of physical retribution.

For example, I don't condone violence against women but as a female I still respect the boundaries and don't intentionally provoke men just because I hope they won't hit a girl. I don't expect a free pass to do whatever I want because I was born with a vagina.

Bottom line: If you're going to talk shit, you better be prepared to back it up.

Anonymous said...

Did Kelly Clarkson just wish she looked as good as Fergie?

Modesty is part of her charm.

Kelly, I'd take a REAL, down to earth, beautiful, and sweet woman over "Ms. Fergilicious" anyday.

(Call me.)


Ally said...

Thank you, gina.

Ditto, a million times over.

Gabby said...

I made the mistake of watching the Spencer/Heidi "I already forgive you" video last week and I'm still recovering - so I have to skip Hilton's homemade pity party. But the Clarkson video has helped to assuage some of that lingering nausea. So thanks for that.

And it's true - I do now like her more than ever.

PsychoPoet said...

Kelly's laugh is delightful.

em said...

I disagree with Kelly too--there are *absolutely* people in this world who *deserve* to be punched in their stupid, punchable faces. Hilton's at the top of that list. Otherwise, though, gotta love her.

His crying face is hysterical.

Heather said...

Here was my point when I first saw this yesterday: if someone is aggressive and in your face, and you admit that you knew that the worst thing you could do was say what you are about to say...and then you actually say it -- how can you complain when the situation then leads to you getting your ass kicked?

Hilton stated that Will.I.Am was up in his face. He then said that he had no interest in fighting. He also admitted that he knew that what was about to come out of his mouth was the worst thing he could possibly say in that situation. But then he said it. He called the man a faggot, twice, and then attempted to walk away. Sorry, but at that point you asked for it and dug your own grave. You have no room to bitch or press charges. If you're going to talk shit then be prepared to take the consequences! As much as I dislike Jim Rome, at least he manned up and took it when his shit talking earned him a punch in the face.

Jeremy said...

Ugh... I couldn't make it past the first minute... I couldn't make it past "violence is never the answer, EH-VER!... that's why people die" before I had to shut it down, because I just wanted to hit the guy.

blackbird said...

Good for her. GOD, I love Kelly Clarkson. And yes, her laugh IS delightful.

Idiot bashing....perfect.

MJG said...

Did anyone ever tell this clown "If you're gonna talk shit, be prepared to back it up!" ??

BTW; Does Lady GaGa remind anyone else of bad Cher Drag?... Just askin'

Heather Hansma said...

@The Other Heather:
Yeah, but have you ever had some guy in your face trying to intimidate you and you knew you couldn't physically hurt him, but you could piss him off?

This is a great article on this subject: http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/thehumancondition/archive/2009/06/23/john-mayer-perez-hilton-and-the-politics-of-victim-blaming.aspx

It doesn't really matter what you think of the guy. He is ruining his own point by being dramatic, but he is actually right... it is hard to accept that from someone that irritates you, though.

There will always be someone out there that pisses you off... and that is pissed off by you. Do they get to suckerpunch you because of it? No.

But please don't make a Chris Crocker video if it happens.

Burns said...

Just because someone is in your face trying to intimidate you, that doesn't mean you get to mouth off and not expect any consequences. If P.H. had even a little bit of intelligence he would know that the best way to piss off Will.I.Am. (my god, what a stupid bunch of names in these videos) would be to just keep doing what he does - playing with his stupid little blog.

Rational human beings know that their actions have consequences, and when a "thug" (P.H's classification) is trying to intimidate you, you don't make the situation worse by being a lippy little bitch. I'm not saying it's right to go around hitting people, but sometimes smug little bastards need to be reminded that just because someone SHOULDN'T hit you, doesn't mean that they won't.

People tend to be a whole lot more polite to one another when the threat of violence is in the background. Maybe they don't like each other, maybe they don't even respect each other, but the desire not to let it come to blows (and acknowledging that it can, indeed, come to that) can often be a great incentive for diffusing a situation.

Bottom Line - Mr. Manager responded to the final straw in a series of insults (from what I understand) and did something bad that I can't really fault him for. P.H. is a whiny bitch that needs to learn that the social conventions that he expects to apply to violence also apply to how he conducts himself in society. You don't want to get hit, don't go around insulting people. Simple.

Heather said...

@Heather Hansma

Point taken. However, what I was trying to say was that if you say that you "don't want to fight" and someone is in your face, you don't escalate the situation by saying something inflammatory. You walk away or, if in a nightclub as this situation was, you call a bouncer. They're everywhere. If he sucker punches you then? Yes, that's a problem and you have every right to freak out. I'd actually feel for him because he tried to be the adult and leave.

Have I had an angry person in my face? Yes. Have I wanted to say something to them because of it? Of course. The main difference here is that I didn't. I walked away from the situation instead of escalating it. In this case, Hilton escalated the situation and then tried to leave. I'm not saying that the manager was right to hit him. He wasn't. What I'm saying is the same thing a couple of other people have also said: if you're going to say something be prepared to back it up. It's an adage that goes for anything from a debate to a situation like this one.

That being said, both men are stupid in this particular case, and the manager should absolutely have been served with assault charges. I just don't want to hear someone cry over a situation they helped escalate by not knowing how to shut their mouth and walk away.

Totally agree with the Chris Crocker comment though!

Heather Hansma said...

I just know I think the Black Eyed Peas suck and I don't think my manager should get to punch me.

And maybe I think it is hilarious to think of a crazy, pink-haired, gay man called Will.I.Am a faggot in his face. Did I mention I think the BEPs suck?

I really am tired of defending PH, but he DID leave right after. THAT is when he got punched. Man. Let's talk about something cooler. Crazy about that Pat Buchanan pic, right? Well, crazy as in "completely expected".

MJG said...

Sorry, Don't buy it. and conflating spousal abuse and rape in the argument is a non starter.

Hilton was being a Dick and he got popped for it. End of Story.

Alex said...

GLAAD is also asking that he apologize. Hilarious.

Jeremy said...

I think there is some problem with the idea that PH got "sucker punched".
Sucker punched is when someone runs up, punches you from out of nowhere, and runs away.
PH ran his mouth and got his ass handed to him. It's good old-fashioned school yard justice. The rest of us learned it in 5th grade.

The Manimal said...

I find it hard to believe that this is the first time he's ever made anyone mad enough to hit him. He didn't become a douche overnight; one has to wonder how he made it through high school with that attitude and demeanor without catching some beatdowns. Tune in for his new make-over show: Black Eye for the Queer Guy.

Tim said...

I've only been in this sort of situation once before (yes I also have a tendency to run my mouth off, though with a bit more subtlety and wit than PH, or so I like to think) but the difference was that after I got hit in the face I continued laughing at the guy and making fun of him until he walked away (he was just looking to start shit and I'm not into fighting).

It's entirely possible to get the better of someone attempting to intimidate you without being violent about it or acting like a bitch.

Tania said...

Is it just me, or does his black eye look suspiciously like makeup?

Angryman said...

I watched a full 39 seconds of this whinging little scrote before I wanted to peel his face off with a rusty spoon and had to switch it off.

Then again, I believe that violence can very much be the answer.

As long as the question is: What is the correct response to a whiny little poof being a complete and utter twunt towards you?

I rest my case

Also, I think Kelly Clarkson is better than ever!

Benoît from Ottawa said...

There's a German word applicable to Mister Hilton, it seems: see http://www.cracked.com/article_17251_10-coolest-foreign-words-english-language-needs.html, number 7.

Ciao all