Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Hell Praisers

"Heavy metal music is the central belief of a culture that exists among us, and Slayer is the perfect spokesperson. We are a pluralistic nation composed of many cultures, some of which you're born into and some you choose. For many of us, metal becomes the only culture that makes sense to us, and it's only fair we get representation."

-- Brett Stevens of the International Day of Slayer Task Force, a group petitioning the White House to create a national holiday honoring Slayer

The requested proclamation reads as follows:

"WHEREAS, Hessians are a legitimate elective culture that should be recognized with their own national day of celebration and...

WHEREAS, Slayer is freaking awesome and one of the most influential metal bands in history and...

WHEREAS, The theme of the National Day of Slayer is 'Don't go to work, listen to Slayer,' which reflects the imminent importance of Slayer in the lives of hessians across America and...

NOW, THEREFORE I, Barack Obama, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, hereby proclaim the day of June 6, 2009, as National Day of Slayer, saluting the valuable artistic contributions of the band Slayer and the legitimacy of the hessian culture that supports them. And I call upon all Americans to listen to Slayer on this day and every day hereafter."

This is for real, by the way.

Finally, something we as a nation can all get behind.

National Day of Slayer Website


dick_gozinia said...

Hell yeah. I'm queuing up "Blood Red" as we speak.

Matt Osborne said...

Um, sorry, but many of us metal fans actually consider Slayer "false metal."

Now, a National Day of Fear Factory...that is something I could get behind.

Anonymous said...

Evil shouldn't have any boundaries! Expand this observance to Canada too, please!

Jeremy said...

Waitaminute? What is the deal with the "Hessian" tag? Slayer's fans are all 18th century German mercenaries?

Ned Hades said...

They should have separate days for separate genres, like a National Day of Doom, National Day of Grindcore, National Day of Thrash, etc. The last one would be a National Day of Weakness. Headliner: Metallica.

Alex said...

Oh c'mon. I enjoy rocking out to Slayer plenty but there are plenty more bands out there more deserving of their own day. More importantly I don't think any specific band deserves a "day" to begin with...

Stephen said...

National Day of Turbonegro.

Benoit from Ottawa said...

@ Jeremy, fyi :

Scary. As in they're serious, aren't they?

Al said...

Barry ManilOWNED.

Mike Barber said...

When I was a kid, the biggest punishment my parents could conceive of—beyond groundings or beatings—was to take my LPs, tapes and CDs away for a period. My mom especially hated the music I listened to. Made all sorts of random claims about how metal was medically bad for me, etc...

June 6th is my mom's birthday. How fucking cool would it be for me to be able to send her a "Happy Slayer Day" card on her birthday?

Fuck yeah!

VOTAR said...

Do You Folks Like Coffee?
Real Coffee,
From the Hills Of Colombia?

The Duncan Hills awake you
from a thousand deaths.
A cup of blackened blood.
(Die, Die)
You're dying for a cup.

Guatemala Blend,
French Vanilla Roast.
(Die, Die)
You're dying for a cup.

Prepare for ultimate flavor!
You're gonna get some...NOW!!!!

and scream

...for your cream

Duncan Hills,
Duncan Hills,
Duncan Hills Coffee.

Ned Hades said...

I don't know about the coffee, Votar, but I wish I had a Hatredcopter right now.

Russell said...

Jeremy... you're obviously not a golfer.

Izar Talon said...

I was confused about the Hessian thing, too. My family actually WERE Hessians brought over to fight for the British (press-ganged and hauled over from Hesse) so when I read that definition I thought it was funny. I'd never heard that before.

As for Slayer Day? Fucking A!! But I want a Bad Religion Day, too. So good on so many levels. Put it in December and it could compete with Christmas!