Thursday, May 07, 2009

Harm, No Fowl

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the quote, headline, and story of the week -- hands down:

"I went over to our nearest KFC a few minutes ago... and chaos ensued. Despite the very visible grilled chicken behind the register, the manager told everyone with coupons to leave and that the promotion was over for the day. The people there are currently holding a sit-in and refusing to leave until they get their free chicken... or the cops are called. Racial epithets were being spewed, people who actually wanted to pay for chicken were facing a potential beatdown, and the manager ran from the screaming horde. Oprah, what have ye wrought?"

-- E-mail sent to by a witness to the "Oprah's Free Chicken Giveaway" disturbance at 42nd St. and Madison Ave. in New York City yesterday

Business Insider: Oprah Sparks Riot at Kentucky Fried Chicken/5.6.09

Oh thank you, gods of good material. You are benvolent indeed. Although I'm not even getting near most of the potential jokes on this one. Truly, Oprah's Favorite Things, anyone? (Food in general; not necessarily buckets of chicken, you heathens.)


VOTAR said...

Names for bands...

"Oprah's Free Chicken Giveaway Disturbance"

Mas Triste said...

Where is Ms. Peachez when you need her?

Tony said...

I'm sure it will seem a non sequitur to many, but this fiasco immediately reminded me of one of my all-time-favorite episodes of WKRP in Cincinnati and of any sitcom before or since.

The clue-deprived station manager Arthur Carlson hires a helicopter to pull a "Happy Thanksgiving from WKRP" banner, then drop live turkeys over a Cincinnati mall as a giveaway/publicity stunt. Of course the turkeys drop like rocks, splattering the pavement and shattering windshields as shoppers run for cover. Clutching his mic for dear life, a horrified Les Nessman reports the event with all the emotion of Herbert Morrison's broadcast of the Hindenburg disaster.

Without a doubt, this was one of the two funniest scenes ever written for American television. The other one, of course, was later in the same episode, when a feather-festooned Arthur Carlsen spoke the immortal words, "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

When I read about the KFC disaster, I could see O in my mind's eye responding in just such a tone... and then signing the order to kill the underling (and to O, who isn't an underling?) who suggested the grilled chicken promo in the first place.

Jeremy said...

I think the short & sweet KFC Riot or Oprah Chicken Riot would be good band names as well Votar.

The Millionaires Of The Bible said...

Hi Chez,

I received my coupon yesterday from a friend who alerted me to the deal.

I might just drive over to the local KFC and see if they accept it out of curiousity.

Independent of any negative publicity I can't even comprehend the free publicity that KFC is receiving. The word Kentucky Fried Chicken is being said and thought about millions of times. Some negative thoughts, some positive, but people are talking about it. That's all KFC or any corporation can ask for.


Shannon from Saskatoon said...

Well, Tony, yes, that Turkey giveaway on WKRP was priceless. Thanks for the warm memory.

And jumping on your cool Latin bandwagon, is it not 'res ipsa loquitur' that there is a reason the word "free" appears in "freeforall"? You want a riot, you put out word there's gonna be free fodder for the herd.

If I had a chain store (with plenty of parking to ensure maximum participation), I would visit a hellish cull on these "thrifty"folks that would guarantee a freaking series on Oprah. Picture a well-advertised "door crashing" SPECIAL!!! SALE!!! where 200 free IPhones were up for grabs.

There I am, all warm and happy again.

toastie said...

By the way, Oprah is apparently "the high priestess of American paganism" according to Bible-thumping radio host Steve Deace, says this piece out of Iowa. You oughta try to get on this guy's radio show.