Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bittersweet




Today is my and Jayne's fifth anniversary.

16 comments:

dammitjanet said...

Buck up, little camper. We're here for you. Sending lots of love and happy 'tots your way.

I know, it's not really a joking situation, but if you don't laugh about things, you might just turn into one of those wingnuts, you know?

Tania said...

:-(

I feel bad for you both, and for Inara.
I can't think of anything else to say that wouldn't be a cliche. Mind you, cliches get that way for a reason...

Anonymous said...

I'm not up to date on my etiquette.. do we still wish you a happy anniversary if you are planning on divorcing? sorry.. just not sure what to say. :(

Mr. Controversy said...

On a smaller scale, I can identify with you. I had my second year anniversary with my girlfriend on Friday, didn't get to spend it with her due to her work life consuming her time, and on top of it she never said "happy anniversary".

As it turns out, she insisted we took a break. She made it clear it wasn't a break up, but it was a break. Her reasoning? She hasn't been happy the past three months, and has been hiding it. Sure, I saw little things and cracks along the way, but I trusted her when she said, "I'm ok."

Her work life has been stressing her out so much that she's stressed that I "expect her to still act like a girlfriend", which is fair in her corner. She felt that it was an obligation to see me rather than something she wanted. So she decided that we should take a break, so she can sort herself out, and (I assume) learn to miss me again.

I find it odd how someone you share so much space and memory with can simply pivot around and say "I need a break". It's the human condition I suppose. To my credit though, I guess I should be hopeful that she's blamed her lack of happiness on her accepting the area manager's position she was offered in her store, and not me.

Still, should we get back together after this fiasco, I'm suggesting we scrap the original day and just start from whatever day we're back together. Things are uncertain, and I've been afraid to talk about it since it happened. Seeing this makes me feel like I can talk about it openly.

The future is uncertain, and I don't know if she'll come back for me. What I do know is, it's good to know that I'm not the only one who's had trouble on their anniversary.

Get better, Chez. Distract yourself as much as you can. I know it's rather trivial to assume my small drop in the bucket is on the same importance as your situation, but for what it's worth I feel your pain.

Sean said...

Take care man. I went through this exact same thing at this time last year and it was miserable. Worst. Ever.

But you do get over it... eventually.

Anonymous said...

Happy Divorsary? Happy Annivorce?

Hell, you can't even say it without leaving a bad taste in your mouth.


Happy Listen-To-Music-All-Day-La-La-La-I-Can't-Hear-The-World day.

Al said...

I'd come up with something witty or touching, but frankly the situation sucks and memories like 5 years ago certainly won't help bring a smile.

But since you have an ability to see the dark humor in practically anything, this may brighten your day if even slightly.

http://www.xenafan.com/movies/bod/sounds/barneybeth.wav

Good luck bud.

Deborah said...

I, too, know this feeling. Our divorce was final on 3/13/07...two weeks before our baby daughter's 1st b-day, 2 months, to the day, before our son's 8th birthday, and 1.5 months before what would have been our ninth anniversary. On what would have been our 10th, I sat in our son's counselor's office and cried...it was our first session, and we were giving her background, and it just got to me. Now, I am fast approaching what would have been our 11th. I am not sure that it's going to be any easier than was the first anniversary that wasn't. I always said that the happiest day of my life was my wedding day - indeed, many told me that they never saw a happier bride - even more than the days my kids were born, because, without our marriage, those babies wouldn't have been. I don't think that I'm giving you anything good here...I would just say, as I was once told, that pain is a great motivator. So keep going forward.

Liz in Austin said...

May this be one of the shortest days of your life. So sorry, Chez...for all of you.

Anonymous said...

Like Deborah, I was married 22 years last summer when the hubby took a powder. He lives in a room somewhere, and pays the mortgage, but all of life is going to change soon. We were the happiest couple ever the first 15 years. I never thought it would happen to me. If there is any possible way, Chez, hang on to it!

xoch said...

Like everyone else here, I'm so sorry Chez.

Try to think what would jesus do if he got divorced!

Er, sorry. Not funny yet?

Anonymous said...

You're handling this with dignity, grace, and respect. I've witnessed other couples go through divorces and seperations who did not exhibit near the amount of class you are. The way they attacked each other through online forums like facebook/myspace was immature and ruthless. Still, not matter what kind of tone your future posts may take, I will remain a constant reader and wish you the very best.

Doc said...

Just like mourning the death of a loved one, the first anything is hard. The first anniversary, the first xmas, the even the first fucking fourth of july.

It eases. You go on when you feel you couldn't. You meet someone new that you were sure you would never meet. Your daughter spits up on your new shirt and snaps you out of it. :)

As the soldiers say when they just have to get on with it is 'Embrace the suck'.

Sheriff Bart said...

I don't know why they say keep your chin up.
That's a good way to get knocked out.
I prefer things are darkest before the dawn,or what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Hope you're doing OK, man. Drop me a line if you like. You know where to find me.

Fifth Generation Leftist said...

All I can say is I'm sorry.

Lise said...

...you know, I've been reading this blog for... I don't know, a year and a half, maybe? And I don't think I've commented before now.

But this really blows, and I am so sorry.

I'm sending lots and lots of good thoughts your way.