Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Next Friday

Sure Jason's back in theaters and making a bloody fortune (pun absolutely intended), but what's next in the Friday the 13th series?

My good friend Steve Bunche -- comic book artist extraordinaire and general pop culture ronin -- offers some truly inspired ideas, including a face-off between Jason and the barely pre-menopausal women of Sex and the City:

"The rest of the film would have Jason getting uselessly shot at by the NYPD, futilely attacked by the Guardian Angels and Curtis Sliwa -- whose head would be torn off and unceremoniously shoved up his ass -- and killing off the SEX & THE CITY gang and their assorted boy-toys one by one -- including a spectacular beheading during a cheesy Broadway revival of FLOWER DRUM SONG, in which Jason tears off the Samantha stand-in's head and dropkicks it onto the stage during the "I Enjoy Being A Girl" number -- until only the horse-faced Carrie stand-in (as played by a Sarah Jessica Parker lookalike, preferably a drag queen) remained."

Trust me: Read the rest of this. It'll make your day.

The Vault of Buncheness: Jason's Back, but What's Next?/2.13.09


dammitjanet said...

Holy crap! I have avoided all the sequels to Friday the 13th, but if Jason's gonna off all those annoying twats, I am IN, brother!

James said...

Involving "Sex and the City" in a sadistic film would garner immediate gratification, but look at the big picture; it's not going to do a damn thing to debase the feverish hordes of SATC fans.

Think about it; with its stress on vapid materialism, what would be a fitting cut to the franchise?

The best route would be to have a Sex and the City sequel, but have it be derailed by a zombie apocalypse 5 minutes in.

Romero style