Every once in a while an item comes along that's so ridiculously surreal I have no idea what to do with it -- no notion of what I might say that could make it any more staggeringly hilarious than it already is. I'm talking about something so exquisitely ludicrous that it simply cannot be improved upon. It's its own punchline.
This morning, thanks to a couple of alert readers, my e-mail inbox contained not one but two examples of this kind of Zen-like lunacy.
What Would Jesus Do with President Obama's economic stimulus package?
Well, probably nothing since, if you believe the Bible, he had the power to turn a rock into a big donkey-cart full of money. But that's not stopping a conservative third-party group from running anti-stimulus ads that -- in sadly predictable fashion -- invoke the name of Jesus Christ. The American Issues Project (and why the fuck do they always have such ceremonious names?) begins airing a series of national TV spots today which feature images of the proverbial Three Wise Men while a voice-over announcer says somberly:
"Suppose you spent $1 million every single day starting from the day Jesus was born, and kept spending through today. A million dollars a day for more than 2,000 years. You would still have spent less money than Congress just did."
Needless to say, this ad is aimed directly at the heart of the GOP's prime (and really only) demographic these days: the barely lucid folks who still believe what their neighbor's brother-in-law's mechanic said about Obama being the Anti-Christ. The Jesus card is one of the few that the surrogate Republican brain trust have left to play, but lately it's met with indifference from all but the most faithful.
Will it work this time? Probably not. But it sure as hell will be entertaining.
Speaking of entertaining, I challenge you to read the following quote from newly elected leader of the Republican party, Black Man® Michael Steele, without falling out of your chair:
"We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”
Yup. The GOP and hip-hop. Because nothing speaks to today's urban youth like fat, white oligarchs with a pole the size of the Eiffel Tower jammed up their collective ass.
So, what will the GOP's new "off the hook" promotional blitz look like?
Well, something like this I'd imagine.
Once again, if this is what we're in for over the next few years -- if these kinds of things represent the shape that Republican desperation is going to take -- then at the very least it won't be boring.