Friday, February 20, 2009

J.C., Jay-Z & Crazy

Every once in a while an item comes along that's so ridiculously surreal I have no idea what to do with it -- no notion of what I might say that could make it any more staggeringly hilarious than it already is. I'm talking about something so exquisitely ludicrous that it simply cannot be improved upon. It's its own punchline.

This morning, thanks to a couple of alert readers, my e-mail inbox contained not one but two examples of this kind of Zen-like lunacy.

Son Spots

What Would Jesus Do with President Obama's economic stimulus package?

Well, probably nothing since, if you believe the Bible, he had the power to turn a rock into a big donkey-cart full of money. But that's not stopping a conservative third-party group from running anti-stimulus ads that -- in sadly predictable fashion -- invoke the name of Jesus Christ. The American Issues Project (and why the fuck do they always have such ceremonious names?) begins airing a series of national TV spots today which feature images of the proverbial Three Wise Men while a voice-over announcer says somberly:

"Suppose you spent $1 million every single day starting from the day Jesus was born, and kept spending through today. A million dollars a day for more than 2,000 years. You would still have spent less money than Congress just did."

Needless to say, this ad is aimed directly at the heart of the GOP's prime (and really only) demographic these days: the barely lucid folks who still believe what their neighbor's brother-in-law's mechanic said about Obama being the Anti-Christ. The Jesus card is one of the few that the surrogate Republican brain trust have left to play, but lately it's met with indifference from all but the most faithful.

Will it work this time? Probably not. But it sure as hell will be entertaining.

Fallacious D

Speaking of entertaining, I challenge you to read the following quote from newly elected leader of the Republican party, Black Man® Michael Steele, without falling out of your chair:

"We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”

Yup. The GOP and hip-hop. Because nothing speaks to today's urban youth like fat, white oligarchs with a pole the size of the Eiffel Tower jammed up their collective ass.

So, what will the GOP's new "off the hook" promotional blitz look like?

Well, something like this I'd imagine.

Once again, if this is what we're in for over the next few years -- if these kinds of things represent the shape that Republican desperation is going to take -- then at the very least it won't be boring.


Vermillion said...

Wouldn't Jesus pretty much flip out, beat the crap out of the Wall St executives, and curse them for ruining people with their greed? Then give that stimulus money away to the poor? It still amazes me how many hardcore right-wing "Christians" ignore the simple fact that Jesus was a commie pinko liberal in every sense of the term.

So THAT'S why they chose Steele! It had nothing to do with Obama and change! It was all about the street cred!

"Mikey-Mike, The Steele Man, representin' the GOP (GET YO PAPER), Red Elephant Boyz on the south side of the D.C. in the '09! Ivy League up in this bitch! Yeeeeaaaahhhhh, boooooooiiii!!!!"

That is SO. MUCH. FAIL.

Deacon Blue said...

I'm starting to wonder if the GOP really is far more compassionate that I ever gave it credit for.

I mean, clearly we have to admit something here. The Republicans, particularly the right-wing elements, are purposefully making fools of themselves. They are taking a grenade for the rest of us.


They saw that the Daily Show with Jon Stewart might have some problems generating material thanks to a relative lack of dysfunction with the current commander in chief and his cabinet. So, obviously, they are goofing a lot right now to ensure that Jon Stewart will have stuff to riff on.

I mean, could it be any more obvious?

I mean, they really can't be...that...clueless...


slouchmonkey said...

I find that video very, very disturbing. In fact, I'm ... outraged?

Chris said...

I just listened to Fox News that's on in the coffee room at work.

They're discussing the stimulus and the talking head said "...the Obamanation...pause..wide stimulus..."

These people are pure evil.

Alex said...

I don't even mind the Jesus use so much as I am irritated like crazy with the line about spending a lot of money. As if Democrats just collected that much cash in a warehouse and set fire to it. Ya know, instead of going towards creating millions of jobs, giving the country the biggest middle class tax cut EVER and providing money to states.

Jeremy said...

Let's see conspicuous consumption, criminal records, a "fuck y'all" attitude... the GOP has that (manufactured) part of the hip-hop image down.

Now if they just had some rhythm and musical talent.

Tracer Bullet said...

I understand all the individual words in the quote from Michael Steele, Professional Negro, but they make no sense at all when arranged in that order.

dahlia6 said...

I really wish these jack-offs would leave my religion alone. I'm a firm believer in God, but even an idiot should realize these morons wouldn't know true religious ideology if it farted glitter in their faces. These pompous, irritating, blowhard shitheads are so far removed from reality they're only preaching to people just as deluded and out of touch as they are.

I really hate what the Right has done to religion in this country. It should be bringing people together, regardless of core beliefs. Helping your fellow man, charity, hard work and honesty, while idealistic and probably hopelessly naive, should be the core values here, not mudslinging and this insane and completely irrelevant slander against Obama. And I'm not even a die-hard Obama supporter. Nor was I for McCain, either. They should be trying to find a way to bring together people from both sides of the fence, not dig trenches between them.

replica said...

I think they'd be so much happier spending the money on blowing shit before.

'May the Lord take a likin' to ya, and blow you up REAL GOOD'.
~(R.I.P) John Candy