Monday, February 23, 2009
Fool's Gold (2009 Oscars Edition)
25 Completely Random Comments My Wife and I Made To Each Other During the 81st Annual Academy Awards (and Pre-Show) Last Night:
1. "I think that outfit will really serve Miley well during the joust competition."
2. "I did. In a sweatshop in Mumbai." (Said after Seacrest asked one of the kids from Slumdog Millionaire who made her dress)
3. "Well, that was gay."
4. "You suppose that big tent the stars have to go through is for delousing?"
5. (Uncontrollable Laughter) (Upon hearing Miley Cyrus say that she hopes to be back at the Kodak accepting an Oscar next year for Hannah Montana: The Movie)
6. Jayne: "Beyonce's such a lightweight. She's so desperate to be taken seriously." Chez: "(Groans) Where's Chris Brown when you need him?"
7. "Wow. Rogen went from smoking pot to obviously doing meth."
8. "In keeping with Hollywood's 'Earth-friendly' theme, Sarah Jessica Parker went really green by skipping the limo and just pulling Broderick in a cart to the show tonight."
9. "Well, that was really gay."
10. "Aniston's totally gonna jump offstage and cut Angelina."
11. "Taraji P. Henson. Yes we can."
12. "You know the janitor will be thrilled that Penelope Cruz's dress dusted the stage for him."
13. "Can I adopt you?" (Upon hearing Seacrest ask Freida Pinto what Angelina Jolie said to her when they met)
14. "LED-GER. LED-GER." (Said in unison after Heath Ledger's name was announced)
15. "Fuck Penn."
16. "I've seen the faces of the Final Five." (Upon seeing the five former Best Supporting Actress winners appear from behind their pictures onstage -- the first time that very silly technique was used during the night)
17. "GODZILLA!" (Said as the director of the Best Animated Short, Kunio Kato, and his all-Japanaese staff came onstage to accept their Oscar)
18. "Yeah, I'm going to hell." (Said about ten seconds later)
19. "Stiller, for the win."
20. "Latifah should break out into Ladies First during the death reel."
21. "Ladies and gentlemen, Ego-palooza." (Said as the former Best Actress winners vied for the most face time onstage)
22. "Jesus, when Inara's bad I'm gonna tell her that if she doesn't behave, Sophia Loren will crawl out from under a rock, snatch her, and take her away to the netherworld."
23. "Well, that was just gayer than gay."
24. "They need to move this along. At midnight, the cast of Slumdog's visas expire."
25. "Hey, at least Renee Zellweger wasn't there."