Choose the Best One-Liner for the Following Story:
1. "Does this mean I can catch the neighbors' cat from a line off my back deck and fry it up in some batter with chips and a Guinness?"
2. "As long as PETA's Ingrid Newkirk agrees to allow people to begin referring to her as 'Landchovy.'"
3. "Makes sense -- neither will come to you when you call it."
4. Some kind of joke that references the way a fish smells and includes another word for "kitten"
5. "Oh, for fuck's sake."
The Huffington Post: PETA Wants to Rename Fish "Sea Kittens"/1.14.09
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
A Fish Called What?
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25 comments:
2. Best.
3. Rimshot bait.
5. First reaction.
#5-multiple times...Gaahhhd I'm sick of them.
#4 is right on the tip of my tongue...
Dan, you need more than just the TIP of your tongue to do a supreme job at that task...
But what, pray tell, will we feed the furry kittens?
Cannibal cats. I like that.
We'd feed them what we're feeding them now, by the way -- little bits of dolphin.
This shouldn't stop with just fish.
Lobsters: "Shell Puppies"
Shrimp: "Arthro-Hamsters"
Roe: "Angel Tears" or "Dream Bubbles"
Sharks: "My Little Sea Ponies"
Then there is the priceless PETA and breast milk ice cream idea:
(September 23, 2008
Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, Cofounders
Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc.
Dear Mr. Cohen and Mr. Greenfield,
On behalf of PETA and our more than 2 million members and supporters, I'd like to bring your attention to an innovative new idea from Switzerland that would bring a unique twist to Ben and Jerry's.
Storchen restaurant is set to unveil a menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent breast milk procured from human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk. If Ben and Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers-and cows-would reap the benefits.
Using cow's milk for your ice cream is a hazard to your customer's health. Dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies, constipation, obesity, and prostate and ovarian cancer. The late Dr. Benjamin Spock, America's leading authority on child care, spoke out against feeding cow's milk to children, saying it may play a role in anemia, allergies, and juvenile diabetes and in the long term, will set kids up for obesity and heart disease-America's number one cause of death.
Animals will also benefit from the switch to breast milk. Like all mammals, cows only produce milk during and after pregnancy, so to be able to constantly milk them, cows are forcefully impregnated every nine months. After several years of living in filthy conditions and being forced to produce 10 times more milk than they would naturally, their exhausted bodies are turned into hamburgers or ground up for soup.
And of course, the veal industry could not survive without the dairy industry. Because male calves can't produce milk, dairy farmers take them from their mothers immediately after birth and sell them to veal farms, where they endure 14 to17 weeks of torment chained inside a crate so small that they can't even turn around.
The breast is best! Won't you give cows and their babies a break and our health a boost by switching from cow's milk to breast milk in Ben and Jerry's ice cream? Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Tracy Reiman
Executive Vice President)
Nut balls - all of them.
my cat's name is Sea Biscuit (named long before some dork made a popular movie and suddenly EVERYONE knew who Sea Biscuit was, and I just want to say for the record that the cat is named after the echinoid, not the horse!).
what was i saying?
oh yeah, we sometimes call him "Sea Kitten", cuz its funny.
we tried to get him to look at the web page and form an opinion about it, but he just kinda bitched and moaned and went back to his soft spot where he was sleeping...
cats...
Regarding the letter Anon just shared...
PeTA nutjobs:
If I want human breast milk, I'll get it straight from the tap, thank you very much.
PETA should change their name to PITA. I think it more appropriately describes their business model.
Well, my first inclination was toward #4...even before I read it. But then this popped into my head:
"Ask any mermaid
you happen to sees,
what's the best tuna?
Mr. Mis-toff-elees!
Anon, that's just fucking insane.
Schwa, I knew I could count on you for something good. I have a friend who calls crabs and lobsters "underwater bugs," which of course they are. Still tasty, though.
And the Comment of the Week award goes to Kanye.
Fucking brilliant.
But what about freshwater fish? Why is PETA discriminating against them?
Can't wait for PETA responses to this post. Get 'em up fast, Chez.
Does that mean that Ingrid will be renaming herself "Irrelevant Cunt"?
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Sea_Kittens
Thanks, Chez. Always happy when I can add to the malcontentin'.
Shellfish really ARE the cockroaches of the sea. To me PETA means People Eating Their Animals.
Ref, you've got it all wrong- Its People Eating TASTY Animals.
Isn't a "sea kitten" an old person's way of saying "wet pussy"?
Further, if this did happen, doesn't it just mean that even MORE Asians are going to eat fish? I mean, they already eat plenty of cats to begin with.
(P.S. "Sea Puppies" or "Sea Dogs" is also bad for the same reason)
In trying to propose this sort of crap, does PETA think people are as dumb as animals?
Also, what does that make Tuna, the "Chicken of the Sea"? Dinner?
I propose that all fish be termed "Sea Chickens", because they all pretty much TASTE THE SAME when I shove them down my voracious, salivating omnivorous gullet.
THAT'S RIGHT, I eat plants too, and they GROW BETTER WHEN YOU PLAY CLASSICAL MUSIC NEAR THEM. They MUST HAVE EARS LIKE CORN.
Renaming them "sea kittens" can't help. It would never help. Because one of the most populous nations on Earth, China, eats cats anyway.
Bunch of Dumbasses. Yes, I'm a strict vegetarian and no; I don't wear any leather or have any animal products in my home. That said, Sea Kittens, WTF? I don't eat meat, I'll wreck my car to avoid hitting an animal and I donate to animal rights groups and environmental groups but what the hell will renaming fish do? People that eat meat (including all seafood) will continue to eat meat and nut cases like me will still continue to try to save the environment and critters that live there. I love some of their work, but PETA is getting a little to involved in their own private Idaho to be taken seriously.
I genuinely think PETA does more harm to the animal rights movement than good. Pulling ridiculous publicity stunts and making press releases suggesting fish be renamed 'sea-kittens' isn't going to make anyone cross the fence from omnivore to herbivore, it's just going to make people think you have nothing useful to say.The last thing they should be doing is making people question whether their diet has affected the logic center of their brain.
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