Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Average Jews

I've been sitting here silently mulling over exactly what to say about this -- the look on my face probably resembling the blank stare that Beavis and Butthead used to share whenever they stumbled across a Milli Vanilli video (and right before changing the channel). But I swear, I just can't make this any funnier than it already is:

Joe the Plumber is going to be a war correspondent.

Pajamas Media -- a mini-conglomeration of conservative new media outlets that's probably not very familiar to you, with good reason -- is reportedly going to send Joe (real name, Samuel Wurzelbacher; real job, former McCain camp mascot and 2008's answer to Darva Conger) to Israel to cover the fighting in Gaza.

Joe says he's going there to let Isarel's "Average Joes share their story."

In addition to stating emphatically that I didn't make up that quote, it's probably important to mention that, as a friend of mine who happens to be Jewish said when she heard this: "First of all, it would be average Yosefs. Second, there are no Jews who consider themselves average anyway."

All I can say -- and I realize that this probably crosses some line -- is that if real journalist Daniel Pearl met the fate that he did and yet Joe the Plumber somehow manages to come back in one piece...


Dan said...

Out of his element, like the Sarah Palin of journalism. Because, like, anyone can be a reporter, right? Don't tell me, he's fit for the job because he can see a newspaper box from his kitchen window.

Now that he's stomping into your territory, it's time for you to grab a white van and start pulling apart bathrooms.

Heather said...

Who had this bright idea in the Monday Programming Brainstorm meeting? First of all, does he even know anything about the Palestinian/Israeli conflict or its history? My guess would be no, and if that is the case then how in the hell are you going to relate to anyone there or ask pertinent questions? If these average people start going off about the reasons why things are the way they are, it's doubtful he'll know enough to be able to ask good follow up questions. It's irritating to any person who has studied journalism and would actually take such an assignment seriously. The person who came up with this idea should be shot for several reasons, two of them being:

1) You extended his 15 minutes just as he was about to go away, as well as propping up that belief that he is actually relevant in some way and we care what he has to say. Way to go dumbasses!

2) Foisting this idiot and his "views" (because you know there will be a super conservative slant to everything) upon a public who is already sick of him.

I follow your last sentence, Chez, and can finish it in my head with any number of suitable endings.

Chez said...

Ever been to Pajamas Media's site?

Google it, go there, and it'll pretty much spell it all out for you.

kanye said...

Bwaaaaaahhhhh! How'd you like to have been in that meeting?

"I'm not sure how we're going to cover this. Israel isn't allowing any journalists into Gaza."

"I think it's time that we executed Plan B."

"You don't mean...?

"Yes, the Mario Brothers Gambit. Miss Anybody, get Joe on the phone...we have an assignment."


kanye said...

On the other hand, maybe they thought they were sending Vic Mackey in.

Vermillion said...

Fuck the line being crossed. This jackass deserves whatever happens to him. At least Pearl was there as an actual journalist, and not some overgrown sock puppet.

What I find most distasteful is that the good name of pajamas must be dragged through the mud. All the good pajamas have done for humanity, and now they are being paraded around by a bunch of nutbars that think this guy is somehow equal to a Pearl on an Amanpour, when he is barely a Duce. BARELY.

The only war pajamas should be involved in is feetsies vs. no-feetsies.

Feetsies, of course.

Mr. Controversy said...

Bullshit. We all know that Joe the Plumber's being sent over to act as the Rambo of the 21st Century. He's the muscular, no nonsense, Geneva Convention hating hero who's gonna do what we don't have the guts to the fuck up and teach those towelheads some fuckin' manners. OOH-RAH!

Operation: Drain Snake is in effect...even YOU can't hide from him, Osama!


quarkywriter said...

Oh for fuck's sake. Why not just send Paris Hilton then since it amounts to the same thing. Give someone a job based only on one fact; they have celebrity.
Stop celebrating dumbfucks, please. I want to live in a world where real accomplishment, real commentary, coherent analysis and contribution means something. I'll never see his correspondence but thats not the point, ffs! Just stop making it appear to stupid tweens and slackers that ANYONE can do ANYTHING. Its false empowerment. You have to be qualified to do certain things. Gah, this shit just makes me angry; my whole background is about achieving and working my ass off, and when I've done that, setting more goals. The payoffs that come with it are sweeter this way. Joe, FUCK OFF, please.

Anonymous said...

*head explodes*

Che Grovera said...

Thanks for not linking Pajama Media's site, Chez -- if you had then I doubt I would have expended the energy to Google it and stumble upon this amusing little tidbit from PM's Wikipedia entry:

"Pajamas Media's name is derived from a dismissive comment made by former news executive vice-president Jonathan Klein of CBS during the Killian documents affair: 'you couldn't have a starker contrast between the multiple layers of checks and balances at 60 Minutes and a guy sitting in his living room in his pajamas'."

I love irony.

Anonymous said...

This guy is probably never even been to Detroit or Cleveland because he is afraid of running into someone who doesn't look like him - and he is going to Gaza?

Hope all he can find to eat is hummus and kibbe. I am sure that big skin brain will go over real well.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a jew, but I've known hundreds and hundreds of them (I've lived in westchester county for 15 years for crying out loud....everyone here is either jewish or latino-and I'm only slightly exaggerating), and I've never met a jew who thought they were average. ever.

Gabrielle said...

I have a humble request.

If you're going to post a news item that single-handedly depressing AND revolting, could you please restore some balance to your readers' psyches with some instant Inara sunshine?

In fact, I would suggest making that a rule of thumb. Every time you post on things that are a drag on humanity or an insult to reason and decency, follow it up with the surest way to make us not completely abandon hope: a picture of your beautiful baby.

Chez said...

Che -- It's like one big Escher drawing.

Chez said...

What's worth mentioning, by the way, is that Joe's gonna do just fine over there. They'll send a producer with him and all he'll have to do is stand in front of a camera and talk -- or read -- or put his name on a script that's already been written for him. I hate to say it, but that speaks volumes about what's required to be on-air talent these days. This is why Barbie dolls can get jobs on network television and not look like complete idiots (which is not to say that all talent falls into this category).

Jeremy said...

I had to leave newspapers (a media where it doesn't even matter what the hell you look like) after clawing my way to a managing editors job, and then give up on the journalism career I loved altogether and start writing training manuals to pay the rent. But this idjit gets a job as a *cough* correspondent for no other reason that he can glower at liberals well?

There is no justice in this world.

Not a fucking drop.

Ref said...

I hope somebody kicks his silly ass. They obviously sent him over there to find out how much "real" Israelis hate Obama.

Rooski said...

I know you're not one of those 'God' type peoples, Chez. But I think, for the greater good, we all ought to join in a prayer:

Inshallah may the hand of Allah guide that Al Qassim missle in the most perfect and beautiful direction possible. Wherever it happens to be. Bismillah.
/end prayer.

Anonymous said...

irrelevant, why give him space?

Anonymous said...

@ Chez:

Sort of explains why Anderson Cooper got his unqualified ass out of there so quickly, doesn't it?

Girl With Curious Hair said...

But what if he unites the Muslims and the Jews? What if they find a common enemy and fight together to rid us of this dolt? We'd have to be grateful to him. That will be a very strange world.

*Rooski: Bismillah comes at the beginning, Inshallah at the end. I just want help your prayer to be as effective as possible.

Aaron X said...

I'd like to drop Wurzelbacher in Gaza city for a few days, his punk ass would come back a changed person, I can guaran-God damn-tee you that. That's just what Joey needs to wake him from the mind washing stupor that Fox propaganda has mesmerized him into. Nothing like bullets and shrapnel whizzing by your head while you lay in a puddle of some child's blood and brain matter to get a boy's mind right.

Most of the Gaza coverage from the Western media is a joke. Some would avoid mentioning it altogether if they could get away with it. The rest are a bunch of pussies, who don't have anyone working for them with the intestinal fortitude to defy their employers and get themselves into Gaza by any means necessary. That's what real journalists do, they go where the real stories are and they don't let anyone stop them, not any government and not any corporation. And if you ain't got the cajones for that, then you shouldn't be in the business period.

Somebody buy me a fucking plane ticket, because I'll go right now, and I mean that, that's an open offer to any network or any publication in the world, send me to Gaza, and I guarantee you that I'll come back with pictures and a story to tell, if I come back alive, that is. Or if there's any independent journalist out there, who need a still photographer, I'll pick up all my own expenses aside from the plane ticket and I'll find a way to get us in. Seriously, I'll start growing my beard now, dye my hair and brush up on my Arabic, and I'm there the next God damn day.

This is nothing more than another George W. Bush war, a last little parting gift from the people who brought you Iraq and Afghanistan. The same people whose buddies in the oil business cleaned up last year, while the people of the Middle East struggle to get enough food to eat and water to drink. It's a great business to be in, killing Muslims for their oil which you then sell to your own people for outrageous prices. It's a win win scenario if you don't have any qualms about becoming a murdering ripoff artist. Great work if you can stomach it.

It seems George W. Bush lives to kill Muslims, and he's not too particular about which Muslims he kills, women, children old people, to Georgie they're all subhuman "assholes" who deserve what they get. Doubtless history will remember Little Georgie Porgy for managed to slaughter more innocent Muslims than any other president in US history. In fact it is he and his policies and the policies of the neocons (false Jews) who are directly responsible for what we see happening in Gaza today, make no mistake about that. A last little parting gift from the filthy traitorous swine who don't know how to do anything but kill and destroy indiscriminately. And I will have no peace and there will be no justice in America until those rat fuckers go on trial for treason and crimes against humanity.

Now the weakest government in the history of the state of Israel has chosen to follow in George's footsteps, deciding that war is preferable alternative to coming up with valid solutions to your problems, or giving honest answers to your own beleaguered people. War has now become the default fallback position for the fools in the Knesset.

We really need to get a handle on this, or at some point Hamas is going to get their hands on a tactical nuke, and strap it to the end of one of their homemade rockets, and drop it on Tel Aviv or Jerusalem, and then all hell is going to break loose. The term Armageddon springs to mind. Wake the Fuck up people, before it's too fucking late for all of us.

In the US, Gaza is a different war

slouchmonkey said...

Uh, burrito.

Aaron X said...

Scenes from the Gaza Strip

Aaron X said...

war in Gaza