Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Quote of the Week

"We've lent some of it. We've not lent some of it. We've not given any accounting of, 'Here's how we're doing it. We have not disclosed that to the public. We're declining to."

-- JP Morgan Chase spokesman Thomas Kelly, being shamelessly cryptic about what his company is doing with the $25 billion in taxpayer money it received in the emergency bailout.

I swear, people -- the fucking guillotine.

(h/t Cesca)


Girl With Curious Hair said...

Translation: "La dee da, la dee da. FUCK YOU!"

Che Grovera said...

Dad: You wrecked our only car, son?
Son: Yeah, dad. You know how it is. We got some hookers and some blow, and one thing led to another...
Dad: So it's going to cost $25 billion to fix this mess?
Son: Maybe more. But we gotta have a car, right?
Dad: Okay. Here's a check. Don't do it again. Hey, where are you going?
Son: There's this resort in California. I'm still pretty traumatized. See ya!

Anonymous said...

I think an ass raping from a jackhammer should precipitate the guillotine.

And use the jackhammer to pound some of that money right up that smug fuck's ass.

Anonymous said...

Ok, all my violent tendencies aside- Unless the public stands up and takes action, well all know that they are going to get away with their antics.

Its that simple- They're getting away with it because they know that the great majority of Americans are complete self-absorbed pussies that wont stand up for anything that matters.

Anonymous said...

Let's guillotine the goddamned politicians first. I mean THEY are our representatives. They are the ones who signed off on this shit. They gave them the money without requiring an accounting. They have the power, even now, to demand an accounting (It's called the law, and congress can make it even if there's no lobbyist telling them to do so.) and they won't use it because they are bought and paid for.

Here's the thing I hate most about America: We all know money buys power in Washington. But most of the money doesn't come in the form of bribes or even indirect transfers. It's mostly campaign contributions. Which are turned into votes. But money doesn't have to equal votes. We don't have to vote based on TV commercials and direct mailings. But we do. So the American people directly allow special interests to buy power in Washington by voting according to political advertising rather than taking the time to do independent research (Which is EXTREMELY easy now with the Internet. Every politician has a website where you can go and read his campaign platform and there are plenty of independent sites which will break down voting records.)

We the people ALLOW this system to persist even though we could end it TOMORROW without changing ONE THING except how we use our votes. Yet all we do is whine and we never change anything because we're too lazy and apathetic.

We get the government we deserve, and they let the bankers do this kind of shit (Which is utterly predictable if you've ever met a goddamned banker.)

How many guillotines you got, Chez?

Deacon Blue said...

You cuntbags want to know how we spent "your" motherfucking money?

I'll tell you. I don't need that weasel-flak Thomas Kelly to speak for me anymore.

For starters, everyone at JP Morgan Chase from executive vice president on up is now debt-fucking-free.

Oh, and I bought us a goddamn island in the South Pacific to relocate to if any of you decide to try that guillotine shit that's been bandied about.

We've got 90% of the members of both house of Congress on our dicks full-time, now, too. Lifetime thralldom from a congressman or senator doesn't come cheap.

As for me personally? Shit, I'll tell you how I spent "your" money...

...I've been using $100 bills as rolling paper for the finest weed you can buy in this solar system.

...I've been washing the taste of that pot out of my mouth with Perrier-Jouet champagne. I've been drinking it like water. Oh, that didn't sting enough? How about the fucking champagne flute I've been guzzling it out of, which I had laser-carved from a single fucking perfect diamond the size of your shin.

...I also rented out the goddamn Four Seasons Hotel ballroom and hired a hooker from every conceivable racial background to do a mass fucking lap dance just for moi. And before they left, I let them head out with as many $100 bills as they could stuff in their cunnies.

And that's just this fucking week. Just want 'til you hear what I do with "your" money for New Year's.

Suck on that, bitches.

James L. Dimon, President, Chairman and CEO, JP Morgan Chase & Co.

Chez said...

Fucking brilliant, man. This is where George Costanza stands up and says "That's it for me! Thanks! You've been great!"

Felis Femina said...

This one is my favorite. From today's Metro (free newspaper)-

One bank didn't even want to say they wouldn't say. A New York Mellon Corp. spokesman who said he wouldn't share spending specifics, added: "I just would prefer if you wouldn't say that we're not going to discuss those details."

So, not only are they not going to tell us what they're doing with our money, they don't want the press telling us that they're not telling us what they're doing with our money.

Deacon Blue said...

I realize that the William Shakespeare quote "first kill all the laywers" is taken out of context and actually was part of quote that *supports* lawyers...

Nonetheless, I am thinking this quotation needs to (a) stay OUT of context and (b) be modified to change "lawyers" to "bankers"